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Old 01-22-2015, 02:42 PM
 
Location: east coast
2,790 posts, read 2,151,516 times
Reputation: 1869

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Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
I will add to this: I just recently had a friend of the opposite sex who was just that: a friend, but he started being inappropriate to the point he wanted to hold my hand, and said he wished I would be his date to his birthday party.

I am married! He knows my husband!

I walked away and never contacted him again, won't answer his phone calls or texts, etc. I cut him off at the quick.

Is it possible you went too far (in his eyes) regarding your relationship?
I know you are asking the OP but it doesn't matter. A relationship was developed regardless of the 3 letter word. Spending 3 times together, and I know I keep saying that, means that there is some type of relationship beyond a one night stand or business trip, whenever i am in town fling.

She may have taken it too far but it still is coward like to have spent all that time with someone and cut out. We can ask all the questions we want, it doesn't matter. She didn't do anything to him to make him cut out. Therefore, it falls on him, not her.
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Old 01-22-2015, 02:49 PM
 
Location: east coast
2,790 posts, read 2,151,516 times
Reputation: 1869
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chelle212 View Post
No commitment, no strings. He was what I call a classy casual guy. We would go on dates sometimes, sit around for a few hours, sometimes even see each other multiple times a day. Neither of us were ready to commit so we agreed to be casual. I didn't pressure him, i supported him, and we just had fun when we were together. No confrontations.

We spend quite a bit of time together 2-3x a week. I was having fun.
Some people here are trying to rationalize, justify, and flip backwards. I don't give a flying what if the OP corrected her post after. The fact of the matter is that they saw each other a few times a week to include multiple times during the day, sat for a few hours, and went on dates.

THIS IS FWB. A relationship had developed but they didn't commit. Random hit and quit doesn't involve all the time spent as they did.

I don't know where some of you live where you can NOT spend all this time with someone and just bail out and expect people not to question. Ole dude knows exactly what he did is wrong. Any reasonable and or prudent person with a conscious would feel bad. It seems that some of you have no home training and possibly live in the woods. Matter fact, deep, deep, way deep in the woods.
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Old 01-22-2015, 02:54 PM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,665,130 times
Reputation: 40996
Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
2 or 3 letter words doesn't exclude a person from being courteous especially after having spent at least 3 times a week with each other and hanging out. Call it what you want... It's not who we are as beings. Yes, I have done it and prolly will do it again to a lesser extent. Spending 3 times per week and cutting out without saying anything is a bit coward like. But deep down inside, I know and admit that it's not reasonable.
I understand that, that's why I deleted that comment.
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Old 01-22-2015, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Northern VA (for now)
23,000 posts, read 31,942,334 times
Reputation: 30372
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chelle212 View Post
Ok first of all people who say i'm owed nothing I still do not agree. A friend responds to someone when they ask to meet up. Even if it's a just I don't think we should hang out anymore. It's called basic human decency. Dead silence is cowardly.

Second I assume he went back to his ex. I am also sure he will be back if and when that doesn't work out, but I'm not playing this game second time around. I would only consider him if it was way down the line and both of us had clear heads.

Third, again I said I wish I didn't define the relationship because for most of it we were more than FWB I just put that because I was upset when I wrote this and it is what came to mind as it was our current status.

Fourth, I am the one that demoted it to casual i'm not all upset and pining for the guy to come back. I am pissed that he vanished because no one wants to be treated like they didn't exist. Especially when you give a part of yourself to someone.

Fifth, I really didn't want to have a conversation about what may or may not have happened to him, or how I should bear the consequences of my decision. I wanted to have a conversation as to weather it is ok to pull a disappearing act on someone. I personally don't think it is ok.
You may not think it's ok, but the guy just don't give a at this point, so you are the one wasting the energy ruminating on it, instead of using the energy to move on. It is what it is.
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Old 01-22-2015, 03:16 PM
 
3,592 posts, read 4,511,894 times
Reputation: 4730
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chelle212 View Post
No commitment, no strings. He was what I call a classy casual guy. We would go on dates sometimes, sit around for a few hours, sometimes even see each other multiple times a day. Neither of us were ready to commit so we agreed to be casual. I didn't pressure him, i supported him, and we just had fun when we were together. No confrontations.

We spend quite a bit of time together 2-3x a week. I was having fun.

I saw him last week, 2x in one day. We sat on the couch cuddling watching our favorite show together. He asked me to stay the night, I couldn't, and so I left. I gave him a kiss goodbye and told him that I would see him soon.

We dated for over a little two months like this.

As far as I know there was nothing wrong. Then he just uped and vanished on me. Ignored my text asking me to see, and never responded after that.

I'm sorry but that is totally lame. If you can lie in bed and look me in the eye, then you can tell me you don't want to see me anymore.

Now i'm stuck here wondering what the hell went wrong.

Why does this seem to be a new breakup technique. I am sorry, but I find it to be extremely cowardly and unacceptable.

I get that we were not in a relationship, but am I wrong to feel that I was entitled to a little respect and an explanation?
You are a victim of your own success. You were so adept at portraying how life would be if you two were boyfriend and girlfriend (I'm going on your description) that...you must have given him a taste for having a real girlfriend in a real relationship. So he went out and got him one, since he never wanted you in The Girlfriend role. The proof is that he accepted the FWB arrangement with you. I know. It's messed up. He's a "differently abled" dater and he used you for training wheels on his bike. I know you're hurt, and I'm sorry, but this is a life lesson for you. Before you invest in a situation, get all your questions answered on what you can expect as regards respectful and courteous behavior. The nature of FWB is casual. I've never been for these things because: I don't like to be treated casually! Some men, no matter how nice will use a woman if she generously offers herself up to be used. I'm not sure dates exist in the FWB Universe.
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Old 01-22-2015, 03:21 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,194,930 times
Reputation: 45811
How come every time I hear about a FWB situation, I know it's going to end up like this in the end?

Last edited by cpg35223; 01-22-2015 at 03:30 PM..
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Old 01-22-2015, 03:23 PM
 
Location: SE Michigan
1,213 posts, read 4,238,207 times
Reputation: 674
Quote:
Originally Posted by bored chick View Post
This happened to me last year. 4 months later, he texts me out of the blue asking to get together like it was nothing. I didn't respond. He called. I sent his calls to voicemail. He finally gave up after a couple of months. He went ghost on me when something "better" came along. I guess she was no longer available so he thought he would come back this way. LOL. I will never have a FWB again. They either disappear on you or get too clingy and obsessive.

Agreed. Same story. Really a shame because it was good while lasted. A better send off would make things more Cordial now I feel like original poster... My opinions about him have changed. Not a good guy who just wasn't ready for relationship.... Nope... A real first class a$$hole...
Well a least he told me so. lol!!!
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Old 01-22-2015, 03:35 PM
 
Location: east coast
2,790 posts, read 2,151,516 times
Reputation: 1869
Quote:
Originally Posted by laorbust61 View Post
You are a victim of your own success. You were so adept at portraying how life would be if you two were boyfriend and girlfriend (I'm going on your description) that...you must have given him a taste for having a real girlfriend in a real relationship. So he went out and got him one, since he never wanted you in The Girlfriend role. The proof is that he accepted the FWB arrangement with you. I know. It's messed up. He's a "differently abled" dater and he used you for training wheels on his bike. I know you're hurt, and I'm sorry, but this is a life lesson for you. Before you invest in a situation, get all your questions answered on what you can expect as regards respectful and courteous behavior. The nature of FWB is casual. I've never been for these things because: I don't like to be treated casually! Some men, no matter how nice will use a woman if she generously offers herself up to be used. I'm not sure dates exist in the FWB Universe.
Listen, Im prolly worst than ole dude. Im a badd mofo. I will even defend my shady actions. But I still have a conscious and know what is reasonable and or not. And I never double cross FRIENDS.

You keep trying to bring it on to her as a life lesson. He was part of this package as well. It was he that spent a few hours, multiple times a day, and at least 3 times per week with her. Him, not some other dude. Him.

This happened and will continue to happen to most peopel, regardless of the 3 letter word. People bail for no reason in marriages as well. It doesn't make it cool. There IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION OF COURTESY. This all she asked for, not for him to boyfriend her, but communication.

But in most cases, the relationships end badly because of feelings by one person not being as solid as the other. Rare is the case when ACTUAL FRIENDS, just bail. Friends with benefits implies just that, friends with intamacy. What friend, regardless of benefit, just bails?

This is aside from the "not getting involved in non-committed relationships". That is a different issue. The issue is about him bailing ON A FRIEND in which he was benefiting intimately and he not communicating him leaving. That is her issue, not the fact that he ended it. Yes, she would have been hurt but who wouldn't? But she most certainly would not have come here asking about why he bailed.

People, no matter the relationship, just don't bail on each other. When I am moving, I go and see my old clients and tell them. it's part of social dynamics.

Stay in perspective.
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Old 01-22-2015, 03:57 PM
 
798 posts, read 480,494 times
Reputation: 1245
OP I agree the guy should have had the common courtesy to say to your face he found someone.

Don't get into these situations if this upsets you.
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Old 01-22-2015, 03:58 PM
 
14 posts, read 16,174 times
Reputation: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
I will add to this: I just recently had a friend of the opposite sex who was just that: a friend, but he started being inappropriate to the point he wanted to hold my hand, and said he wished I would be his date to his birthday party.

I am married! He knows my husband!

I walked away and never contacted him again, won't answer his phone calls or texts, etc. I cut him off at the quick.

Is it possible you went too far (in his eyes) regarding your relationship?
No I didn't do anything. I'm the one that wanted casual. We were totally fine last time I saw him. We spoke once over the weekend very briefly about what we were up to that day, and then two days later I asked if he wanted to hang out. Where exactly did I cross any boundaries? He didn't answer. Later that evening I said a no would have sufficed and haven't spoken to him since.

I know him, and I know how he communicates. He never ignores any communication. This is obvious that he intentionally blew me off.

If I did cross a boundary, I am certainly not aware of it, and if I did it would have been nice of him to notify me of it.
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