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Old 01-23-2015, 04:38 PM
 
1,700 posts, read 798,365 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedAndHurt12345 View Post
Sorry, I didn't mean to get emotional. I have been very emotional about this whole thing for past two months now and its gotten much worse as I am not sure if I made a huge mistake.
ok, sorry, this is where i read the two months part and i thought the relationship ended then. but i understand, that was sort of the beginning of the end, so to speak. ? still...hugs to you and i hope you can either work things out with him, or you can move on and take care of yourself and then someone else will come along when the time is right. don't rush it though! work through this situation first.

maybe a good long talk with him is in order soon? get it all out there and see if you two are on the same page. good luck!
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Old 01-23-2015, 04:40 PM
 
1,700 posts, read 798,365 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedAndHurt12345 View Post
I did not stop loving him... Not sure where you got that from. I do feel guilty for breaking his heart, but definitely have not stopped loving him. You don't just stop loving people.

However, I do wish he did stick up for me when his mom came between us and pretty much destroyed what we had.
i don't mean to speak for this other poster. but i think from your original post you have said that you lost the "in love" feeling for him and you really want to get that back.
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Old 01-23-2015, 04:40 PM
 
Location: My House
33,274 posts, read 27,070,494 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedAndHurt12345 View Post
I did not stop loving him... Not sure where you got that from. I do feel guilty for breaking his heart, but definitely have not stopped loving him. You don't just stop loving people.

However, I do wish he did stick up for me when his mom came between us and pretty much destroyed what we had.
That's the point. His mom wasn't in the actual relationship, so she's not at all responsible for whether you two stayed together or not.
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Old 01-24-2015, 01:21 AM
 
Location: Middle America
35,828 posts, read 39,555,909 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedAndHurt12345 View Post
I did not stop loving him... Not sure where you got that from. I do feel guilty for breaking his heart, but definitely have not stopped loving him. You don't just stop loving people.
I guess I got it from here:



Quote:
Originally Posted by you
I met my ex over 3 years ago, we got along really well. Became best friends, inseparable, did everything together, spent a lot of time together travelled, met each others families, my family loved him and his family loved me. I wanted to marry him, have children with him and become old with him. He shared my thoughts. He didn't rush as much as I did ( I am 28, so I guess I set that "biological clock as most girls at my age do.) but lately, we talked about our future together. He adored me and so did I.

About a yr ago, he was diagnosed with something(rather not discuss what the condition was) it wasn't life threatening, which is a good thing. I stood by him and supported him, obv cause he meant the world to me (& still does). His condition lasted for about a year including him having surgery and fixing this problem, but it just took so much emotional toll on me. I feel like while he was going through his issue, we never really tended to our own relationship in its own special ways like we did before, we didn't cuddle much or at all, we weren't physically intimate (no sex for 6 mos), etc.., I value those things in a relationship as those things connect me with the person I am with. I am not trying to be selfish, but when months & months go by without those things, (we couldn't have sex, but to me it isn't just about sex, its about me connecting with him on another physical level like cuddling, and just being silly with each other) it can get frustrating. Especially, when they're so caught up with their issue that they forget to tend to their relationship with you (it takes 2 people to make it work). Don't get me wrong, we did things together, hung out and spent time, but I was just craving other types of connections with him. We had abs no privacy because at that time he needed to be taken care of, so his mom had to move in with him to do little things around the house. But she didn't let me go over (which pissed me off and made me feel unwanted) but she's just a little weird like that. she doesn't like people around even if she likes them. I started resenting him for not being strong enough to stand up to his mom about bringing me into HIS own apartment, I started resenting him for being caught up in his issue so much that he forgot to tend to us sometimes, and in the end, I just felt like my "in love" feeling was gone. I was nervous around him and had anxiety because I was not being honest and I was just so bothered by it, I felt like I was betraying him. He tried to understand me and stick by me hoping things would change, but things did not change. I still feel anxiety and depressed when around him, longing for my feelings to come back. Not knowing if they ever will is what drove me insane, so he decided maybe it's best we end it.

I have nightmares, don't sleep well, I don't eat because I cant even swallow food. I am not sure what it is, I am driving myself insane. I know I will never find anyone like him (I have dated my share of guys and no one was ever like him.) I want to be "in love" but Idk if I am making it worse by "forcing" myself. Has it happened to anyone before? did feelings come back? Please help, any advice will be greatly appreciated. I don't want anyone else, I only want my "in love" feelings to come back for this man, no one else. I want my anxiety to leave me alone.
Yep, pretty sure that's EXACTLY where I "got that from."
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Old 01-24-2015, 02:02 AM
 
1,093 posts, read 302,123 times
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You probably wont get the "in love" feelings back by your infatuation with the legend that was the honeymoon phase of this relationship at this point. You have to be far away from this guy for a while, probably at least 8 months to a year, to somewhat move on, get a chance to really miss him (actually miss HIM, not the idea of what you had) and then see each other after a year in a new light. THEN maybe you can start getting those feelings back naturally.

You were able to "fall out of love" with him within a few months of not being around him often enough. You can lose the infatuation for the "in love" feeling with a little more time. Therapy wont do that for you, just time. If you have a best friend or two, vent to them a bunch until they cant take it, THEN get a therapist that will let you vent to them for money.

But to be honest, I think from this point on, even if you did get back together, in the back of your mind, you will be turned off by the notion that if the Sh*t hits the fan, he will shove you aside for his mother again.

BTW your Thread title says you broke someones heart, but it sounds like your heart was broken more than his.
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Old 01-24-2015, 03:20 PM
 
5,689 posts, read 5,137,059 times
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The honeymoon butterflies phase ends eventually anyway, or at the very least slows down a lot. If you and him ended up staying together, that dreamy phase would have been replaced with something closer to intense affection mixed with respect. I don't know how to explain it but that's as close as I can get right now.

I'm saying that to say his mom may have contributed to it ending early but she not the reason it's not permanently present.

If anything, it sound like what you really lost was not the butterflies but the intimacy and trust. He didn't stick up for you or more accurately, he didn't fight to keep you close, which has to make you wonder what you really mean to him if he could let his mom keep you apart for so long. I get that. But those things can be rebuilt if you work hard at it, and if he sees that it should not be allowed to happen again.

I think you have to work on understanding what was going on from his point of view and he has to work on making you feel safe with him again. The problem here may have been because you were a girlfriend and not a wife or fiancée, it was muddy as to whether you should be put before his mom.

Anyway it sounds to me like you do love the guy. You are confusing butterflies with true love. If he loves you too there is hope, I would recommend couples counseling to help you rebuild.
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