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Old 01-22-2015, 07:55 PM
 
Location: Earth
4,549 posts, read 3,516,455 times
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Just depends on the person. Even if you're new to dating, have you ever had a crush on someone? How long did the crush take?

Using myself as an example, some guys I find physically attractive. Not hard to figure that out. But I didn't like them romantically or sexually until after seeing more of their personalities. Like a last crush I had. Was attracted to him in every way, but it wasn't for a few months that I started to be sexually drawn.

Then there's a guy I like now. I have a crush on him, but it's a harmless one. I find him attractive, and he has personality traits I like. But he doesn't ring my bell in terms of sexual attraction.

So it's different for everyone, and varies depending on the other party involved. I would say if dating him seems like a chore, then chances are, he is not someone you are attracted to.

Attraction can develop later. I have had it happen, but it happened naturally as I saw more of their character, not because I was intentionally trying to become attracted to them. So, that is something that rarely happens when someone is trying for it, because you are trying to put a time frame on it, and it's like an "Ok, attraction, kick in." And as you see, it becomes a chore of trying to have someone grow on you rather than just naturally hanging out and the attraction building at it's own pace, if it does.
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Old 01-22-2015, 08:13 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,565 posts, read 42,494,164 times
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Nope too many dates already.
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Old 01-22-2015, 08:18 PM
 
Location: D.C.
2,782 posts, read 1,680,926 times
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No more than two dates for me. Looking back at the LTR's I've been in, I actually knew after the first date.
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Old 01-22-2015, 09:08 PM
 
Location: Raleigh NC
5,289 posts, read 4,584,627 times
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Are you thinking about him when you aren't with him? Or do you kinda forget he exists in between dates?

Once I went out with a guy 2x, he really liked me and I was lukewarm. A month goes by, he emails me and says he is sorry he was out of touch because his mother died. I had forgotten all about him, hadn't noticed he hadn't contacted me.
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Old 01-23-2015, 01:10 AM
 
8 posts, read 5,501 times
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Maybe the reason I see him as a chore is because he is in a way overbearing. He texts me every single day, several times a day. He kind of wants to go out at least 3-4 times a week, and I don't have that much time. I work full time and go to school full time and his constant need to be in contact with me is driving me crazy.

Now he wants to introduce me to his sister and her fiance, which probably means he is into me, but I'm not ready to meet them yet.
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Old 01-23-2015, 01:11 AM
 
74 posts, read 55,372 times
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Wow, I just posted a thread very similar to this.

All I can say is, I empathize, dating can be so confusing! Especially when you've had past experiences where your feelings for someone HAVE changed over time; it is hard to know if that will happen again with someone new.

Cheers
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Old 01-23-2015, 01:23 AM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,146 posts, read 1,112,509 times
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If dating him feels like a chore, that's a sign to stop dating him. But you do have the ability to pace the relationship. You dont have to accept every date invitation and you dont have to reply to every text or answer every call.

When you are dating, you might try thinking of men as the gas pedal (let him lead as far as moving the relationship forward) and think of your role as the brake pedal ( its your job to slow things down to your comfort level).

Men know that they are competing with other men for an attractive woman, so you can't blame him for trying to beat the competition. But you have the ability to slow things down as needed.
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Old 01-23-2015, 01:26 AM
 
74 posts, read 55,372 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish View Post
If dating him feels like a chore, that's a sign to stop dating him. But you do have the ability to pace the relationship. You dont have to accept every date invitation and you dont have to reply to every text or answer every call.

When you are dating, you might try thinking of men as the gas pedal (let him lead as far as moving the relationship forward) and think of your role as the brake pedal ( its your job to slow things down to your comfort level).

Men know that they are competing with other men for an attractive woman, so you can't blame him for trying to beat the competition. But you have the ability to slow things down as needed.


^ This is fantastic advice. Awesome metaphor, too.
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