U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-23-2015, 03:21 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
6,760 posts, read 4,274,848 times
Reputation: 10500

Advertisements

Personally I don't believe people are meant to stay together their whole lives.

For some it works out, for others it doesn't.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-23-2015, 04:56 PM
 
Location: NYC
2,729 posts, read 2,880,158 times
Reputation: 4690
People get divorced because they no longer want to be together. You shouldn't pay so much attention to the specific reason since that could be the tip of the iceberg, the last straw or part of a pattern of undesirable behavior. Basically, if it seems like everything is going swimmingly and they are getting divorced for something truly trivial, you either don't know the whole story or they are not telling you the whole story.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-23-2015, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Texas
42,335 posts, read 50,002,628 times
Reputation: 67253
People need to understand nothing is ever gonna be 100% awesome and fun 100% of the time.

Except the McRib.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-23-2015, 05:29 PM
 
9,415 posts, read 11,312,217 times
Reputation: 20187
I can't even remember my marriage vows
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-23-2015, 05:46 PM
 
32,890 posts, read 22,854,076 times
Reputation: 29937
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
I can't even remember my marriage vows

hahahahaha
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-23-2015, 05:57 PM
 
Location: D.C.
2,785 posts, read 1,686,460 times
Reputation: 3714
Well, divorce is pretty common in my family. My parents divorced, my uncle on my dad's side divorced, and an uncle on my mom's side divorced three times (twice to the same woman, yeah really). In my parents case, I just think it was a case of them marrying too young and for the wrong reasons. But, that was pretty typical back in the 60's. My mother remarried, but dad never did.

I don't think it's a case of people not taking vows seriously, things happen and people change. I think most people go into a marriage with best intentions, but fore whatever reason things just don't work out. My younger sister has a great marriage (20 years this year), while my other sister and I never have.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-23-2015, 07:30 PM
 
Location: The World
3,025 posts, read 1,835,975 times
Reputation: 7814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
Personally I don't believe people are meant to stay together their whole lives.

For some it works out, for others it doesn't.
Wow. This is an interesting point of view. Please elaborate?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-23-2015, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Northern VA (for now)
23,057 posts, read 32,079,623 times
Reputation: 30518
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
Personally I don't believe people are meant to stay together their whole lives.

For some it works out, for others it doesn't.
I agree with this. I don't believe in the "one." If there was the "one" what the hell does a woman do if the husband she dreamed of and married at 22 dies at 32 in a car crash? Is she supposed to say "that's a wrap" on love? I think people are meant to be in your lives for term periods with a very select few meant to stay for a lifetime.

I think it is healthy to consider marriage like at-will employment. As long as you and the other party agree to it, the marriage keeps going. Of course like employment, you will have days you will want to scream but if the years of investment you put into the job mean enough to you, you will stay in the job since you don't want to throw years of hard work and tenure away. But if one party is destructive to another you should end the contract for health purposes.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-23-2015, 07:56 PM
Status: " 💪🏽 🥥" (set 27 days ago)
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
13,679 posts, read 11,154,644 times
Reputation: 24267
People have different definitions and levels of commitment.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-23-2015, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Nashville, TN
5,316 posts, read 2,907,414 times
Reputation: 6786
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post

Lots of people that divorce don't "believe in divorce", so I'm not sure how much that has to do with it. I think in the town I grew up in, with the low divorce rate (I had one friend in HS that had divorced parents, thats it) there must have been a whole lot of sham marriages out there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne View Post
I don't know anyone who has gotten divorced over minor issues. Quite the contrary, the people I've known who have divorced (and these include my peers and people much older than me) stuck it out for a long time trying to make it work. The issues were all serious and after time, irreparable.

I don't understand why divorce is automatically a bad thing, except possibly for the people in the relationship--I don't see any honor in staying in a dysfunctional relationship.
Exactly, X 2! I wish I could rep these two posts 100 times each.

The self-righteousness about divorce that people exhibit on these threads is so tiresome. I have immense respect and admiration for couples who remain happily married for decades, despite enduring the stresses of long-term marriage and other big responsibilities, such as raising kids, taking care of elderly/sick parents, moving long distance, experiencing serious health or financial issues, etc. I love hearing about people, like some on this thread, who still cherish and enjoy their spouses. I just melt.

But just because a marriage doesn't end in divorce doesn't mean it's a happy marriage. As someone who was married for 22 years, I know this first hand. The vast majority of divorced people don't wake up one morning and decide to get divorced because it might be a really cool thing to experience. Like Cantabridgienne, I don't know anyone who's gotten divorced because their spouse gained weight or didn't put the cap back on the toothpaste. Most divorced because they'd been profoundly unhappy for many years, and things were only getting worse.

I don't care about whether or not divorce rates are decreasing. That means little. Are all those marriages happy and healthy? Are those couples setting an example of a close, loving marriage to their children? Are they leaving fond memories for their children of having grown up in a warm, happy household with two parents who cared for each other, talked to each other, were affectionate with each other? These are tough questions I had to ask myself about my marriage, and my answer to each one was NO.

I've read a number of studies that show that remaining long-term in an unhappy relationship WILL drastically undermine one's physical and/or mental health. I know it did mine, and I've observed these unfortunate effects in other people, as well. I'm not being melodramatic when I say that remaining in my marriage was killing me, slowly but surely. I certainly wasn't doing my kids any favors, either. And my only regret about my recent divorce is that I didn't do it years ago.

Back in the days before I was married or in the very first couple of years of my marriage, I, too, was sanctimonious about people who "fail at marriage." My own parents were contentedly married for more than 40 years, and they strongly disapproved of divorce. So, to a certain extent, I understand some of the opinions expressed here. After all, I was once one of you.

But if you've never been married or if you haven't married very long (say, less than 10 years), and if you're free of other big responsibilities that can put great stress on a marriage, then please be aware that your understanding of marriage and everything that can derail it, really is limited. In short, you aren't in any position to be so judgmental.

Last edited by newdixiegirl; 01-23-2015 at 08:23 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top