Do Marriage Vows Not Mean Anything Anymore? (dating, wife, mother-in-law)
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It just seems like I'm constantly hearing/reading things about people who don't seem to take their marriage vows seriously...at all.
For example, a friend of mine threatened to leave her husband if he didn't quit his job so that they could move to her hometown.
I saw a thread here a little while ago where people were telling a woman to leave her husband because he didn't buy her a Christmas present.
Also, when googling how to remove fingernail polish from a sofa (don't ask), I came across the desperate cries of a woman whose two-year-old had gotten nail polish all over her mother-in-law's sofa and whose husband was "thinking about leaving her" because of it.
SERIOUSLY?
When I said my marriage vows, I vowed to stay with my husband "for better or for worse."
Leaving someone for cheating or something like that is understandable, but really...over Christmas presents or a ruined sofa?
I agree. I've never been married but firmly believe in most cases marriage is for life. I know there are situations that is impossible (adultery, abuse etc)but so many give up. When I did online I heard all the excuses and most were quitters. Things like "my wife got fat" or "my wife ignored me after we had a baby so I cheated on her". Sorry but those are horrible people. I would also questioned someone who has been divorced a few times. Once, okay but my ex (from 25 years ago)has been divorced three times because he's weird. A childhood friend has been divorced four times because she gets bored of the marriage and divorces her husband. I get a lot of grief for being anti divorce and I don't care. I've seen the damage divorce does on many kids.
Marriage vows don't really mean much anymore. Ever since the no fault divorce came into play, the decline began. Look at Hollywood and whats being promoted. A film about a woman who leaves her husband, to do drugs and sleep with any man that crosses her path is somehow an example of a "strong" and "independent" woman. Its just wealth redistribution, really. Well done, feminism.
The reason for that is simple. We've managed to make personal fulfillment into the highest good in the universe, so people have to have it right now and in the way they expect.
Here's the thing. If you believe the baloney that you're supposed to be happy all the time, then you are setting yourself up for misery. Most of the time, I'm a pretty happy guy. But there have been times when I've had unhappy circumstances forced upon me, and I simply had to take life one day at a time.
What does this have to do with marriage? It's easy. We are sold the Disney version of what marriage is. All Disney cartoons end with a wedding at the end. So people conclude that they'll live happily ever after once they say, "I do." Yet they don't think about what marriage is like when you're short on cash, the car needs a new transmission, somebody is struggling with their career, someone is ill, you are exhausted earning a living and raising kids, or anything else for that matter. So people who have bought into the infantile notion of continual happiness as a priority start to make decisions to achieve that end, even when their choices are incredibly short-sighted, selfish, and destructive.
Marriage is a truly rewarding state. I am a better person married, and I am incredibly happy at the life we've built together. I really feel sad for those who -- either through bad choices or their innate cynicism -- cannot enjoy the notion of a rock-solid marriage with all its richness and joy. But it requires giving up a bit of yourself to make something even bigger and better. And too many people are far too self-absorbed to make that sacrifice.
Well, first of all - the thread about the Christmas present wasn't about a married couple. They were just dating.
Secondly, if you and your husband have a great marriage and take your vows seriously - that's all that should matter to you.
I don't care what other people do with their lives. My husband and I take our vows seriously. We made them because we love each other and keeping those vows is easy peasy.
The reason for that is simple. We've managed to turn personal fulfillment to be the highest good in the universe, so people have to have it right now and in the way they expect.
Here's the thing. If you believe the baloney that you're supposed to be happy all the time, then you are setting yourself up for misery. Most of the time, I'm a pretty happy guy. But there have been times when I've had unhappy circumstances forced upon me, and I simply had to take life one day at a time.
What does this have to do with marriage? It's easy. We are sold the Disney version of what marriage is. All Disney cartoons end with a wedding at the end. So people conclude that they'll live happily ever after saying, "I do." Yet they don't think about what marriage is like when you're short on cash, when somebody is struggling with their career, when someone is ill, when you are exhausted earning a living and raising kids, or anything else for that matter. So people who have bought into the infantile notion of continual happiness start to make decisions to achieve happiness, even when they are incredibly short-sighted, selfish, and destructive.
Marriage is a truly rewarding state. I am a better person married, and I am incredibly happy at the life we've built together. I really feel sad for those who -- either through bad choices or their innate cynicism -- cannot enjoy the notion of a rock-solid marriage with all its richness and joy. But it requires giving up a bit of yourself to make something even bigger and better. And too many people are far too self-absorbed to make that sacrifice.
This is why, for better or worse, I'd want to analyze the woman a lot before I decide to go through with marriage (if I ever decide to get married). Just seen and heard way too many horror stories nowadays.
It just seems like I'm constantly hearing/reading things about people who don't seem to take their marriage vows seriously...at all.
For example, a friend of mine threatened to leave her husband if he didn't quit his job so that they could move to her hometown.
I saw a thread here a little while ago where people were telling a woman to leave her husband because he didn't buy her a Christmas present.
Also, when googling how to remove fingernail polish from a sofa (don't ask), I came across the desperate cries of a woman whose two-year-old had gotten nail polish all over her mother-in-law's sofa and whose husband was "thinking about leaving her" because of it.
SERIOUSLY?
When I said my marriage vows, I vowed to stay with my husband "for better or for worse."
Leaving someone for cheating or something like that is understandable, but really...over Christmas presents or a ruined sofa?
Anyone have any thoughts on this???
LOL! This is pretty funny, OP. But to be fair, the Xmas present thing involved a lot more than just the lack of Xmas giving, which was a symptom of much bigger issues. And they weren't married, that's what the whole thing was about; she was wondering if it was time to decide the relationship wasn't going to work (for various reasons). Fair question, before marriage.
I've seen threads on here posted by women who want their husband to quit his job, because they can't bear to live far from their parents. It's like they never cut the apron strings, and aren't ready to build their own lives with their husband and kids. And there are men who are too close to momma, too. Dependencies like that should be discovered during dating or the engagement; those people aren't ready to get married, unless they find a spouse who doesn't mind living near the parents.
Well, actually – no, they don’t. And they (vows) never really had any meaning, when it comes down to it. No one remembers them anyway. What really counts is the actions, rather than words. Words are easy to utter.
Relationship is a daily, never ending, constant commitment.
But lots of people are selfish, missing, craving, wanting things that they don't feel they can have in their relationship. Feeling trapped. Unloved. Bored. Yep, watching stupid soap operas and dreaming of things other people have.
Marriages and divorces are way to easy to get into. People rather divorce than work on their issues. Divorce is simple to obtain, women are not so dependent on men anymore, they are also more in control of their lives and what they can accomplish, and what they will tolerate.
Society is idolizing sensuality and promiscuity instead of loyalty and trust. People want instant gratification, don't have the tolerance for dealing with the rough times, and their expectations are far too high. They make decisions based on there own happiness.
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