U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 01-25-2015, 12:34 PM
 
9,415 posts, read 11,284,633 times
Reputation: 20186

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
He does have a point though. Some men settle and take what they can get. Sounds like he's saying he won't settle. I could be wrong.
Of course some men settle, just like some women settle. I highly doubt most people settle though.

 
Old 01-25-2015, 12:58 PM
 
1,024 posts, read 817,384 times
Reputation: 1718
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
Of course some men settle, just like some women settle. I highly doubt most people settle though.
Everybody settles.
 
Old 01-25-2015, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Queens, NY
3,748 posts, read 2,001,266 times
Reputation: 4634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
Of course some men settle, just like some women settle. I highly doubt most people settle though.
Truth be told, I would much rather be single and out living my life, then settle for anyone. If I'm going to be tied down, I'd want it to be for a woman I want to be with (and I hope she'd feel the same about me).
 
Old 01-25-2015, 01:48 PM
 
Location: all over the place (figuratively)
2,651 posts, read 2,121,527 times
Reputation: 1684
A lot of that is uggh. Too combative.

Most readers agree that passivity and pickiness are major factors in a significant percentage of cases? However, some believe they aren't the root causes? I think there are complicating issues, but that many people who are very passive or selective were meant to be that way no matter how they were raised and can't be prodded out of it. Still, it's almost always possible to compensate and raise the odds by being better-looking.
 
Old 01-25-2015, 01:55 PM
 
2,169 posts, read 1,631,943 times
Reputation: 1822
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob-Man View Post
It's quite easy. He's shutting out people before they can give a chance, which is unfair to both sides.

When people use this "forever alone" mantra, I think they need to consider the fact that forever IS a long time...
If you are referring to me I shut out no one. I actually have friends. I never referred to myself as forever alone either.
 
Old 01-25-2015, 04:34 PM
 
Location: PANAMA
1,424 posts, read 1,008,791 times
Reputation: 1146
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
Oh really? You know for a fact that every single woman you ever come across is not interested in you? Amazing mind reading skills you have there. Or could it be your chronic lack of self confidence in yourself as both a man and a human being? Your passiveness is related to your mental image of yourself and that is something that can be changed with a bit of work.

I consider myself a passive fellow, that doesn't mean I don't try to pick up women I found interesting. That doesn't mean I'm lazy or just waiting for Miss Universe to come knocking on my door.

I have average confidence, I don't think there is the need to spend a lot of money on a woman before getting serious, my "dates" are more laid back than going to discos or bars (I go to sports bars mostly). I like going to the movies, and I pay for the tickets, pop corn and beverages, usually I give a recommendation on the movie. Don't impose anything, often I'll let her pick if she said so.

I think I'm interesting, I talk almost any subject: movies, TV, sports, news, religion, philosophy, dating and stuff.

I've been told several times by women, that I talk interesting things and not the sometimes dumb stuff some men like. That's a plus.

Not Brad Pitt, more like a combination of Seth Rogen with James Belushi with a little of Brendan Fraser into the mix.

Found out that meeting nice women is a task...a real hard task. Most women here in my country on dating sites, just want the expectations of having the Donald Trump plane with Prince Harry on board with Hugh Jackman or something. On Okcupid they can hardly answer. And if they answer is so boring it gives you nothin' to talk about.

I don't like women livin' on dangerous places, smoking or with gold diggers attributes. My girlfriends mostly have been "girl next door type".

I don't think of myself like "unrealistic picky" but more into "I know what I want".
 
Old 01-25-2015, 04:37 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,728 posts, read 5,643,206 times
Reputation: 7336
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob-Man View Post
It's quite easy. He's shutting out people before they can give a chance, which is unfair to both sides.

When people use this "forever alone" mantra, I think they need to consider the fact that forever IS a long time...
Maybe the guy doesn't want to give anyone a chance and I can say I wouldn't blame the person. People aren't really reliable these days.
 
Old 01-25-2015, 06:03 PM
 
1,098 posts, read 1,508,208 times
Reputation: 1353
Quote:
Originally Posted by tofur View Post
Mod cut: Orphaned (quoted post deleted).


It's not illogical to assume most women you cross in a given day aren't interested in you. It's actually really logical, and it's what everyone who isn't a egotistical douche assumes. We assume women aren't into us by default, and the ones who make it known that they are interested in us are the one's we pay attention to.

This doesn't mean we see all women as non thinking entities without their own thoughts, experiences and interests. What a ridiculous thing to say. It means the exact opposite, that we understand that women are all unique and have their own preferences, and only a handful of women will find us attractive enough to want to be with us.

The difference between passive and bold action taking men is that the passive ones wait for said women to reveal themselves, whereas the bold action taker chats up every woman he finds attractive and then see's if she is into him back.

Lots of passive men are only passive in the beginning stages of a relationship. Once the guy meets the woman and knows from her behavior/words that she is into him, he will become emboldened and take more action.
Truth in this.

Though the downside to the bolded is you may be waiting a very long time, in my youngest days I was pretty bold but after too many putdowns I've decided for the passive approach and it's honestly been far less stressful even though there were very long dry spells.

IMHO The "hard to get" game is pretty flawed plan, (some) men have to work hard in the real world as it is so a relationship where we have to do all the pursuing and being led around can feel like a second job and not worth the hassle for a simple yes/no answer.
 
Old 01-25-2015, 06:33 PM
 
379 posts, read 312,916 times
Reputation: 345
Default Be 'Active' in yourself and your life

I found Most of (young) posters here are not focusing on their own game/life

Are you at top of your trade or working toward that goal? Do you have money? Are you in-shape?

Women approach men who are 'successful'. Don't need to chase/please them, let them come to you.

Men with money spend less money on women because women want to be around them. Men with less money spend more because they try too hard.

It is a win:win proposition.
 
Old 01-25-2015, 06:36 PM
 
6,827 posts, read 4,422,377 times
Reputation: 11978
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
In my entire life I've known maybe 3 guys who were not interested in women and all of them were kind of strange. It simply isn't normal behaviour. I'm sorry most of you don't like hearing it but it's the truth.
At issue here isn't men who are uninterested in women, or who from bitterness or frustration have foresworn female company. Rather, the issue is those men who very much desire a girlfriend or a wife, but who for whatever reason are stymied in their pursuit.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
You know for a fact that every single woman you ever come across is not interested in you? Amazing mind reading skills you have there. Or could it be your chronic lack of self confidence in yourself as both a man and a human being? Your passiveness is related to your mental image of yourself and that is something that can be changed with a bit of work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
I agree with you. Most women I see in public are not into me and it is a logical thought.
One of the foundational assumptions of civil society is that strangers in public places are not "into" each other. They go about their business with focus on said business, and not socializing, let alone scoping possibilities of contact with the opposite sex. Maybe 100 women who saw me this afternoon in the supermarket would potentially be interested in becoming my romantic partners. Maybe only 3. Maybe none. Regardless, one assumes for the sake of civility and decorum that the interest is identically zero in either direction.

Consider this analogy…. Driving around on the highway, or the city streets, there are many cars that appeal to me. Maybe I can afford to buy any of them. Maybe only a few. Maybe none. But I don't roll down my window, shouting to drivers, "Hey buddy, I want to buy your car! Pull over!" Instead, there is a specific place for buying cars, where every car is explicitly on sale: the dealership. At the dealership we haggle over cars. Outside of the dealership, we assume that private citizens aren't driving around trying to sell their cars (unless of course there's a "for sale" sign prominently displayed). Maybe lots of the drivers whom I encounter would gladly sell their car to me, for a suitable price. But in civil society, such negotiations simply don't happen outside of narrowly delineated contexts.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top