U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 01-23-2015, 12:39 PM
 
Location: all over the place (figuratively)
2,651 posts, read 2,120,598 times
Reputation: 1684

Advertisements

I'm curious how true this to guys here. On some other sites, I think it's true enough. If a guy gets well into his 20's without getting anywhere with women, it probably is because he is quite picky or quite passive. I can even use myself as an example of both - having never asked out or blatantly hit on a female in person, vs receiving a little of that from females (including bizarrely 2 who are now kind of famous). Been very non-social at times, too, which I'd put into the passivity category. (By the way, just to be clear, I have had some success with women.) No need to tell me that are some males (such as disabled or seriously aesthetically challenged) who can hardly attract anyone, but I think passivity or pickiness are much more common reasons for male loneliness.

 
Old 01-23-2015, 12:43 PM
 
10,026 posts, read 8,863,169 times
Reputation: 5888
Maybe, maybe not. Often it's just shyness, busy with work or just not appealing to the type of woman he desires. When I had an online profile at a religious site there were a lot of single men in their 40's and up but many of them were single because they wanted a woman who didn't want them.
 
Old 01-23-2015, 12:52 PM
 
4,608 posts, read 3,568,578 times
Reputation: 4037
I'd submit that it's more "passive" than "picky", but sure...both apply.
 
Old 01-23-2015, 01:00 PM
 
Location: Cleverly concealed
889 posts, read 1,429,825 times
Reputation: 887
For me, I would say:
1. Passivity
2. Attracted to women not attracted to me

The reverse is true too. I talked with a woman recently who was looking for someone like Louis Zamperini (from the book/movie Unbroken). Good luck with that.
 
Old 01-23-2015, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,728 posts, read 5,641,066 times
Reputation: 7336
Mainly my case, I haven't asked a woman out in two months. Shyness and social anxiety plays a factor in this. I've gone on dates and I was really uncomfortable and just wanted to go home. I'm also picky as well.
 
Old 01-23-2015, 01:09 PM
 
8,468 posts, read 13,232,818 times
Reputation: 7511
Not necessarily. In your 20s, you're focused on school and establishing your career. Dating and trying to meet people may not be high on your list of priorities. What's also true is that some guys are more risk-averse than others. Asking someone out means risking rejection. So it isn't necessarily that the guy is being picky. Rather he's being careful and not asking someone out unless he's sure she'll say yes. But that is pretty limiting. After all, how many jobs would you apply to if you only applied thinking you'd get an interview? Probably not many. So if you're not asking out a lot of women because you're being too cautious, then that makes it a lot harder to get into a relationship. So while passivity and pickiness might explain why some guys have little experience with women, it isn't always the reason.
 
Old 01-23-2015, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,728 posts, read 5,641,066 times
Reputation: 7336
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
Not necessarily. In your 20s, you're focused on school and establishing your career. Dating and trying to meet people may not be high on your list of priorities. What's also true is that some guys are more risk-averse than others. Asking someone out means risking rejection. So it isn't necessarily that the guy is being picky. Rather he's being careful and not asking someone out unless he's sure she'll say yes. But that is pretty limiting. After all, how many jobs would you apply to if you only applied thinking you'd get an interview? Probably not many. So if you're not asking out a lot of women because you're being too cautious, then that makes it a lot harder to get into a relationship. So while passivity and pickiness might explain why some guys have little experience with women, it isn't always the reason.
You described me to a tee. In my entire life, I've had at least 20 women smile at me. But smiles don't mean anything to me since most women are friendly and do that, I never made a move. Unless I know a woman is interested in me completely, I don't approach. Might be limiting but it's how I am.
 
Old 01-23-2015, 01:25 PM
 
Location: all over the place (figuratively)
2,651 posts, read 2,120,598 times
Reputation: 1684
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
Not necessarily. In your 20s, you're focused on school and establishing your career. Dating and trying to meet people may not be high on your list of priorities. What's also true is that some guys are more risk-averse than others. Asking someone out means risking rejection. So it isn't necessarily that the guy is being picky. Rather he's being careful and not asking someone out unless he's sure she'll say yes. But that is pretty limiting. After all, how many jobs would you apply to if you only applied thinking you'd get an interview? Probably not many. So if you're not asking out a lot of women because you're being too cautious, then that makes it a lot harder to get into a relationship. So while passivity and pickiness might explain why some guys have little experience with women, it isn't always the reason.
I think many of those guys still would get casual sex from women and would have dated or hooked up in high school or earlier. After all, by earlier twenties, only a small percentage of men has never had sex.
 
Old 01-23-2015, 02:00 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
6,734 posts, read 4,241,378 times
Reputation: 10386
Most "forever alone men's" issues are every "forever alones" issues.

Sometimes it's pickiness, being too passive, or simply just being unfortunate in the dating arena. It's not really gender specific. At least I don't think it is. Not in my experience. Some people are just more outgoing and flirty than others. I believe it depends on your interests and priorities.
 
Old 01-23-2015, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,728 posts, read 5,641,066 times
Reputation: 7336
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
Most "forever alone men's" issues are every "forever alones" issues.

Sometimes it's pickiness, being too passive, or simply just being unfortunate in the dating arena. It's not really gender specific. At least I don't think it is. Not in my experience. Some people are just more outgoing and flirty than others. I believe it depends on your interests and priorities.
I don't think I'm unfortunate when it comes to dating. I'm just shy, laidback, and very picky.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top