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Old 01-30-2015, 11:22 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,721 posts, read 5,633,401 times
Reputation: 7317

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
Making a move on someone you are interested in isn't changing yourself to appeal to women - it's taking control of your own life. I'm not talking about cold approaching women. I'm talking about not letting real opportunities pass you by because you are too scared.
I've approached many women in the past. I haven't approached a woman in 3 months since me and my ex broke up. Been on many dates as well. Right now, I am choosing not to approach any woman because I'm trying to get into medical school once I graduate from college in May. A girlfriend would be a distraction right now. I'm not scared I just have other priorities.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:22 AM
 
376 posts, read 234,179 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus View Post
I disagree - any memeber of any gender can say it - because it happens to be true. Rejection is not some horrific event to be living in terror of. As the other user said - life is too short to live in fear of rejection and getting the ego bruised. Too many of our species wrap our egos in cotton wool and hide from the world. And for what? As Josh Ritter once sang "The heart has no bones - so it will not break - the purpose of loving - is for the pounding it takes". One could just as easily replace "heart" with "ego" in that lyric.
I agree with the bolded. So why are most women absolutely unwilling to take the initiative?

We can spin ourselves in circles here as much as you like, but we'll keep arriving back at the same point.

If rejection ain't so bad, why don't women approach more?

If shy guys need to get out of their comfort zone and take the initiative, why shouldn't women do the same?
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,721 posts, read 5,633,401 times
Reputation: 7317
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
Again, why does the guy have to do it all? If a woman knows the guy is shy, and she's interested, why can't she take the initiative? The bottom line is, if you don't like guys who are too shy to risk it, just leave them behind. Why try to force them to be something they're not?
That's what I've been trying to say. Shy guys are not hurting women at all. What is with all the hostility towards us?
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:26 AM
 
376 posts, read 234,179 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
In the example from my own life - I was talking to two guys. One of them made a move on me - the other one didn't. So, even though I liked the one that didn't make a move on be better - I left with the guy that did make a move on me. I wasn't looking for a relationship - I was already in an open relationship. However, who's to say that the other guy wouldn't have made me fall in love with him! He could have changed things! This isn't about gender. I'm not complaining about my life. I've always been in a relationship and always had guys asking me out. My story was about how the guy that made a move left with the girl. And once again, going in for a kiss, asking someone out, taking someone's hand in yours - these aren't things that are forcing them to be something they're not. If you are too afraid of these things - then your life is going to pass you by unless you find other people that are always willing to take the first step for you. And if you always find people to take the first step for you - you probably wouldn't be complaining about your love life!

I'm not complaining about guys that are too shy to risk it - I'm trying to point out to those guys that life is going to leave them behind. Shy guys can have courage. Shy guys can take control of their lives.
This conversation is just boggling my mind. So, you left the other guy, the one you admittedly liked more, behind because you wouldn't take the initiative.

In this example, YOU are the same as the shy guy. You wouldn't take the initiative.

Open relationship, too. Wow, how progressive. The shy guy dodged a bullet, in this case.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,721 posts, read 5,633,401 times
Reputation: 7317
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
I agree with the bolded. So why are most women absolutely unwilling to take the initiative?

We can spin ourselves in circles here as much as you like, but we'll keep arriving back at the same point.

If rejection ain't so bad, why don't women approach more?

If shy guys need to get out of their comfort zone and take the initiative, why shouldn't women do the same?
As much as people will disagree with me on this, women fear rejection. I've had women who approached me and when I turned them down, they got angry.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,117,170 times
Reputation: 22092
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
I've approached many women in the past. I haven't approached a woman in 3 months since me and my ex broke up. Been on many dates as well. Right now, I am choosing not to approach any woman because I'm trying to get into medical school once I graduate from college in May. A girlfriend would be a distraction right now. I'm not scared I just have other priorities.
Again, I'm not talking about approaching women. I'm talking about not letting opportunities pass you by. And this isn't specific to you - but to anyone who feels that the simple act of asking someone out, going in for a kiss, holding someone's hand would be changing who they are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
I agree with the bolded. So why are most women absolutely unwilling to take the initiative?

We can spin ourselves in circles here as much as you like, but we'll keep arriving back at the same point.

If rejection ain't so bad, why don't women approach more?

If shy guys need to get out of their comfort zone and take the initiative, why shouldn't women do the same?
You keep trying to make this a gender issue - and perhaps it is on one level - but I would give the same advice to a woman who is too shy to do anything and is perpetually single. For me, personally, I have taken the initiative and asked someone out before. I actually had to search on our student database and find his email address because this was back before Facebook and Twitter and all that stuff. Why didn't I do it more often? Simple. I didn't have to. Men have always approached me, asked me out, made a move, etc. So - my point to the shy men who think that having courage for a few seconds is asking too much of them - is that if you don't do it - someone else will. Your beef isn't with women - it's with the other men that are willing to take a risk where you aren't. And for the women that are too scared and don't have any men asking them out or making a move - then they need to take control over their own lives as well. One of my best friends is in that situation and I'm trying to (gently) get her out there in the dating world.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:31 AM
 
750 posts, read 606,051 times
Reputation: 1106
I wouldn't tell a girl I like her. That ruins the mystery for her. I would let my actions do the talking, and the words can come later once she is head over heels.

I do consider myself shy with new people though, I need a little warm up period. I've passed up opportunities plenty of times, and I've seized them plenty too. It's kind of random in predicting if I'll go for it or not.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,721 posts, read 5,633,401 times
Reputation: 7317
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
Again, I'm not talking about approaching women. I'm talking about not letting opportunities pass you by. And this isn't specific to you - but to anyone who feels that the simple act of asking someone out, going in for a kiss, holding someone's hand would be changing who they are.


You keep trying to make this a gender issue - and perhaps it is on one level - but I would give the same advice to a woman who is too shy to do anything and is perpetually single. For me, personally, I have taken the initiative and asked someone out before. I actually had to search on our student database and find his email address because this was back before Facebook and Twitter and all that stuff. Why didn't I do it more often? Simple. I didn't have to. Men have always approached me, asked me out, made a move, etc. So - my point to the shy men who think that having courage for a few seconds is asking too much of them - is that if you don't do it - someone else will. Your beef isn't with women - it's with the other men that are willing to take a risk where you aren't. And for the women that are too scared and don't have any men asking them out or making a move - then they need to take control over their own lives as well. One of my best friends is in that situation and I'm trying to (gently) get her out there in the dating world.
The opportunities that came my way I have capitalized on each time. I am not afraid to kiss a woman, hold hands with one, or ask them out. I'm shy but I'm not extremely shy. The girls at the medical school I visited are really cute. I might approach one there.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,117,170 times
Reputation: 22092
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
This conversation is just boggling my mind. So, you left the other guy, the one you admittedly liked more, behind because you wouldn't take the initiative.

In this example, YOU are the same as the shy guy. You wouldn't take the initiative.

Open relationship, too. Wow, how progressive. The shy guy dodged a bullet, in this case.
If it makes you feel better to try to insult me - that's fine. I'm actually trying to point something out to guys on here that might help them put things in perspective.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
As much as people will disagree with me on this, women fear rejection. I've had women who approached me and when I turned them down, they got angry.
And men do the same thing. Nobody likes getting rejected. That isn't what this is about. My point is that if you are too shy to take an opportunity when one presents itself - you are not in control of your own life.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,117,170 times
Reputation: 22092
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
The opportunities that came my way I have capitalized on each time. I am not afraid to kiss a woman, hold hands with one, or ask them out. I'm shy but I'm not extremely shy. The girls at the medical school I visited are really cute. I might approach one there.
Then my advice isn't for you. If you don't feel that your shyness is getting in the way of getting what you want out of life - then my advice isn't for you.
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