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Old 01-30-2015, 11:36 AM
 
376 posts, read 234,405 times
Reputation: 214

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
Again, I'm not talking about approaching women. I'm talking about not letting opportunities pass you by. And this isn't specific to you - but to anyone who feels that the simple act of asking someone out, going in for a kiss, holding someone's hand would be changing who they are.


You keep trying to make this a gender issue - and perhaps it is on one level - but I would give the same advice to a woman who is too shy to do anything and is perpetually single. For me, personally, I have taken the initiative and asked someone out before. I actually had to search on our student database and find his email address because this was back before Facebook and Twitter and all that stuff. Why didn't I do it more often? Simple. I didn't have to. Men have always approached me, asked me out, made a move, etc. So - my point to the shy men who think that having courage for a few seconds is asking too much of them - is that if you don't do it - someone else will. Your beef isn't with women - it's with the other men that are willing to take a risk where you aren't. And for the women that are too scared and don't have any men asking them out or making a move - then they need to take control over their own lives as well. One of my best friends is in that situation and I'm trying to (gently) get her out there in the dating world.
Right so the passive role is ok for you, as a woman, but not ok for a male. Got it.

It's one of the many reasons I've chucked off the whole business. It's inherently sexist
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:37 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,728 posts, read 5,643,206 times
Reputation: 7336
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
If it makes you feel better to try to insult me - that's fine. I'm actually trying to point something out to guys on here that might help them put things in perspective.



And men do the same thing. Nobody likes getting rejected. That isn't what this is about. My point is that if you are too shy to take an opportunity when one presents itself - you are not in control of your own life.
I get what you're saying and I agree with you.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:38 AM
 
376 posts, read 234,405 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
If it makes you feel better to try to insult me - that's fine. I'm actually trying to point something out to guys on here that might help them put things in perspective.



And men do the same thing. Nobody likes getting rejected. That isn't what this is about. My point is that if you are too shy to take an opportunity when one presents itself - you are not in control of your own life.
Here's where the rubber meets the road: would you apply the bolded sentiment to the OP?
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:39 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,132,304 times
Reputation: 22092
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
Right so the passive role is ok for you, as a woman, but not ok for a male. Got it.

It's one of the many reasons I've chucked off the whole business. It's inherently sexist
I'm not sure if you are deliberately missing the point or you just can't see it because of your personal feelings - but I do help that maybe someone on here (man or woman) understood my advice and got something out of it.

Let me try one last time. If you have 2 people that are interested in the same person - and one of the people makes a move and the other one doesn't - the one that doesn't make a move is going to get left behind. Don't be the person that gets left behind!
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:44 AM
 
376 posts, read 234,405 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
I'm not sure if you are deliberately missing the point or you just can't see it because of your personal feelings - but I do help that maybe someone on here (man or woman) understood my advice and got something out of it.

Let me try one last time. If you have 2 people that are interested in the same person - and one of the people makes a move and the other one doesn't - the one that doesn't make a move is going to get left behind. Don't be the person that gets left behind!
I think you're the one actually missing the point. In the scenario you present, I would want to be the person left behind.

Here's why: if the woman in question is so passive that she's simply going to accept the overtures of the man who simply approaches first, because he approaches first, as if she is totally free of any opinion of her own, I don't want that woman.

If she'll go out with that guy, simply because she refuses to meet the other guy halfway, even if she liked the other guy better (as was the case in your anecdote from your own life), that is not a woman I want.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,132,304 times
Reputation: 22092
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
Here's where the rubber meets the road: would you apply the bolded sentiment to the OP?
Yes, I would. In my story, I wasn't that emotionally invested in either guy - I just happened to like one of them a bit better. I had only met them that night. If you are emotionally invested with someone, and it seems like they return the interest - do something about it. Man or woman.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:46 AM
 
750 posts, read 606,638 times
Reputation: 1106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
If you have 2 people that are interested in the same person - and one of the people makes a move and the other one doesn't - the one that doesn't make a move is going to get left behind. Don't be the person that gets left behind!
If the girl chooses the other guy just because he beat me at going in for the kiss, then I don't want to date her anyway. The two guys would obviously have their own unique qualities, and if she doesn't know exactly what she is looking for then I'll pass. She can "find herself" with him, and it likely won't last anyway. I don't care to be a guinea pig experiment. A few years ago I probably would have agreed with you though, as I wasn't sure what I even wanted.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:47 AM
 
1,754 posts, read 1,997,525 times
Reputation: 3656
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
I'm not sure if you are deliberately missing the point or you just can't see it because of your personal feelings - but I do help that maybe someone on here (man or woman) understood my advice and got something out of it.

Let me try one last time. If you have 2 people that are interested in the same person - and one of the people makes a move and the other one doesn't - the one that doesn't make a move is going to get left behind. Don't be the person that gets left behind!
That's why it's called closing the deal. A customer is never going to walk into a car dealership and ask them to write it up. Actually sometimes that happens and most people tell you deals you don't close are always "off."
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:47 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,132,304 times
Reputation: 22092
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
I think you're the one actually missing the point. In the scenario you present, I would want to be the person left behind.

Here's why: if the woman in question is so passive that she's simply going to accept the overtures of the man who simply approaches first, because he approaches first, as if she is totally free of any opinion of her own, I don't want that woman.
Suit yourself! Like I said - I liked both of them, I just liked one of the more.

I get it - you wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole because I'm passive, I'm "progressive," I'm whatever you have decided I am. So whatever scenario I describe - everyone would be better off with out me. Totally fine. But that doesn't really help anyone on here!
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,132,304 times
Reputation: 22092
Quote:
Originally Posted by JobSeeker101 View Post
If the girl chooses the other guy just because he beat me at going in for the kiss, then I don't want to date her anyway. The two guys would obviously have their own unique qualities, and if she doesn't know exactly what she is looking for then I'll pass. She can "find herself" with him, and it likely won't last anyway. I don't care to be a guinea pig experiment. A few years ago I probably would have agreed with you though, as I wasn't sure what I even wanted.
Oh good grief. There's just no talking to some of you. My point is that many women have a lot of guys interested in them. You can talk about how it's on her to see your amazing qualities despite you not making your interest known and that she's not worth it anyway because of yada yada yada - but if you are too shy to take control of your life - then opportunities will pass you by.

My story wasn't supposed to be some grand story about true love. It was a simple story about opportunities. My grand true love stories are much more complex but still involved people actually going in for a kiss or taking a chance.
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