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Old 01-30-2015, 11:51 AM
 
376 posts, read 234,468 times
Reputation: 214

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
Suit yourself! Like I said - I liked both of them, I just liked one of the more.

I get it - you wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole because I'm passive, I'm "progressive," I'm whatever you have decided I am. So whatever scenario I describe - everyone would be better off with out me. Totally fine. But that doesn't really help anyone on here!
I really don't have any problem with you, and the way you want to conduct yourself, your politics...whatever, not my biz.

I'm simply pointing out the reason that this a game that I don't play anymore, because the "rules" are inherently skewed and sexist, and most women seem to be just fine with that.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:54 AM
 
376 posts, read 234,468 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
Oh good grief. There's just no talking to some of you. My point is that many women have a lot of guys interested in them. You can talk about how it's on her to see your amazing qualities despite you not making your interest known and that she's not worth it anyway because of yada yada yada - but if you are too shy to take control of your life - then opportunities will pass you by.

My story wasn't supposed to be some grand story about true love. It was a simple story about opportunities. My grand true love stories are much more complex but still involved people actually going in for a kiss or taking a chance.
Poor girls, how do they handle it all?

I guess this puts to rest the age-old, "who has it easier in dating?"

Multiple suitors vying for her attention, without even doing anything. An average guy is lucky to have 1 potential.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:57 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,728 posts, read 5,645,521 times
Reputation: 7336
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
Then my advice isn't for you. If you don't feel that your shyness is getting in the way of getting what you want out of life - then my advice isn't for you.
Can I ask you this then? I have a female friend named Alyssa and I have known her for along time. She told me for awhile she has had feelings for me. I don't think I've been this comfortable around a woman. I know you're married but should I officially ask her out?
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Old 01-30-2015, 12:05 PM
 
750 posts, read 606,793 times
Reputation: 1106
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
Can I ask you this then? I have a female friend named Alyssa and I have known her for along time. She told me for awhile she has had feelings for me. I don't think I've been this comfortable around a woman. I know you're married but should I officially ask her out?
I've been in this situation a couple of times and it didn't work out and ruined the friendship. However, it may have been due to our relationship maturity level more than anything at the time.

The strangest part is when they finally confessed to liking me, shortly after they both got very hostile. They would get their feelings hurt over things that previously didn't bother them about me. They seemed to want to argue more too. I'm still perplexed about that part.
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Old 01-30-2015, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Northern VA (for now)
23,021 posts, read 31,991,437 times
Reputation: 30421
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
Can I ask you this then? I have a female friend named Alyssa and I have known her for along time. She told me for awhile she has had feelings for me. I don't think I've been this comfortable around a woman. I know you're married but should I officially ask her out?
I'm struggling with something similar and the advice I got was to leave it alone until I'm sure I wanted to date and I was willing to lose the friendship if she doesn't return my sentiments.
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Old 01-30-2015, 12:48 PM
 
2,181 posts, read 2,039,233 times
Reputation: 3138
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
I think you're the one actually missing the point. In the scenario you present, I would want to be the person left behind.

Here's why: if the woman in question is so passive that she's simply going to accept the overtures of the man who simply approaches first, because he approaches first, as if she is totally free of any opinion of her own, I don't want that woman.

If she'll go out with that guy, simply because she refuses to meet the other guy halfway, even if she liked the other guy better (as was the case in your anecdote from your own life), that is not a woman I want.


All I think when I see/hear of a woman being like this is that she's just as likely to pull the same crap once were in a relationship. Some dude will pursue her hardcore and she'll just go along with it. No apparent free will. "I like this dude more but this other guy is being forward and pursuing me, guess I have to go with the second guy. Sucks, I liked the first guy more. If only I had some say in the matter"

lol. What a joke.
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Old 01-30-2015, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,136,090 times
Reputation: 22092
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
Can I ask you this then? I have a female friend named Alyssa and I have known her for along time. She told me for awhile she has had feelings for me. I don't think I've been this comfortable around a woman. I know you're married but should I officially ask her out?
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I'm struggling with something similar and the advice I got was to leave it alone until I'm sure I wanted to date and I was willing to lose the friendship if she doesn't return my sentiments.
My first long term relationship was with my best friend. We were friends for years before we started dating. He didn't officially ask me out or anything - we just ended up kissing. A lot. And then we finally just admitted to ourselves that we were in love and in a relationship. We dated for 5 years. We had an open relationship for the last couple of years because we went to colleges across the country from each other - and even though we loved each other, we had started growing in different directions. We both wanted to have some fun in college but we weren't ready to break up yet because we still loved each other. We eventually broke up but have managed to stay close friends to this day. For us, our relationship didn't hurt our friendship - it actually solidified it because now we have NO sexual tension left. Been there, done that. We are better as friends than as lovers! And we are both married and the 4 of us get along great! Now, my story has a happy ending (even though we didn't end up together - we are both happy with other people and still friends with each other). Some don't. Some friends date and end up hating each other. Some friends date and end up falling in love and spending the rest of their lives together.

Point being, I wish I could give you the "right" answer - but, as my voice teacher says, "sometimes there are no right or wrong choices - just simply choices." I can't predict what will happen if you guys decide to take your friendships to the next level - all I can say is that real love is worth it.
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Old 01-30-2015, 12:54 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,136,090 times
Reputation: 22092
Quote:
Originally Posted by tofur View Post

All I think when I see/hear of a woman being like this is that she's just as likely to pull the same crap once were in a relationship. Some dude who strikes her fancy will pursue her hardcore and she'll just go along with it. No apparent free will. "I like this dude more but this other guy is being forward and pursuing me, guess I have to go with the second guy. Sucks, I liked the first guy more. If only I had some say in the matter"

lol. What a joke.
Well, I've been married for 10 years and with my husband for 13 years. So - no joke here!

I understand wanting to put others down - it makes you feel better. Everyone falls victim to doing that from time to time. I'm actually not putting anyone down. I'm not even putting down people that are afraid to make a move. I'm simply saying that life is too short to miss out on opportunities that might not come again.
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Old 01-30-2015, 01:00 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,728 posts, read 5,645,521 times
Reputation: 7336
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
My first long term relationship was with my best friend. We were friends for years before we started dating. He didn't officially ask me out or anything - we just ended up kissing. A lot. And then we finally just admitted to ourselves that we were in love and in a relationship. We dated for 5 years. We had an open relationship for the last couple of years because we went to colleges across the country from each other - and even though we loved each other, we had started growing in different directions. We both wanted to have some fun in college but we weren't ready to break up yet because we still loved each other. We eventually broke up but have managed to stay close friends to this day. For us, our relationship didn't hurt our friendship - it actually solidified it because now we have NO sexual tension left. Been there, done that. We are better as friends than as lovers! And we are both married and the 4 of us get along great! Now, my story has a happy ending (even though we didn't end up together - we are both happy with other people and still friends with each other). Some don't. Some friends date and end up hating each other. Some friends date and end up falling in love and spending the rest of their lives together.

Point being, I wish I could give you the "right" answer - but, as my voice teacher says, "sometimes there are no right or wrong choices - just simply choices." I can't predict what will happen if you guys decide to take your friendships to the next level - all I can say is that real love is worth it.
Well, I asked her out and she said yes. We are going to a movie tonight. I've got to take a chance right?
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Old 01-30-2015, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,136,090 times
Reputation: 22092
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
Well, I asked her out and she said yes. We are going to a movie tonight. I've got to take a chance right?


Just keep in mind - life is messy. And everything is a learning experience - good things and bad things. Take a chance - see where things go! And have fun!
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