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Old 02-04-2015, 04:18 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
9,883 posts, read 8,065,928 times
Reputation: 11242

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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
I think, we all know the answer to the said question.
Yes, and it doesn't depend on what "it" the OP is talking about.
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Old 02-07-2015, 12:14 AM
 
1,421 posts, read 922,889 times
Reputation: 521
I really hate the penis-vagina arguments
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Old 02-07-2015, 12:48 AM
 
17,868 posts, read 17,138,355 times
Reputation: 13765
You know there wouldn't be so many arguments if the penis were inside the vagina.

There'd be much more sweating though.
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Old 02-08-2015, 12:34 PM
 
1,421 posts, read 922,889 times
Reputation: 521
Ya I hate it how they use it for the argument as to why the guy has to approach, be the initiator
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Old 02-08-2015, 10:04 PM
 
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
3,691 posts, read 2,661,267 times
Reputation: 1634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
You are choosing to not participate.
I'm sorry Dewdroplet but this makes no sense. Why not apply the same logic to yourself? If you like somebody why don't YOU ask HIM out? You want others to take initiative but you are not willing to follow your own advice.

Personally I don't want to go out with people. I want to be friends and just be closer and closer (through platonic meetings, not dates), and have one thing lead to another, like the song from the 80s. I'm not dominate; I want it to be mutual.

Of course, no one wants something meaningful with me so it's moot in my case.

But it seems like you are more interested in a traditional heterosexual relationship where the man dominates the woman. So you and I aren't really on the same page anyway. We're looking for different things.
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Old 02-08-2015, 10:06 PM
 
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
3,691 posts, read 2,661,267 times
Reputation: 1634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
I will say that when I turned my friendships into something more
But, I thought you said in another post that the man has to do this. Don't you mean "when men I was friends with turned our friendships into something more"?
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Old 02-08-2015, 11:39 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,196,508 times
Reputation: 22098
Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x View Post
I'm sorry Dewdroplet but this makes no sense. Why not apply the same logic to yourself? If you like somebody why don't YOU ask HIM out? You want others to take initiative but you are not willing to follow your own advice.

Personally I don't want to go out with people. I want to be friends and just be closer and closer (through platonic meetings, not dates), and have one thing lead to another, like the song from the 80s. I'm not dominate; I want it to be mutual.

Of course, no one wants something meaningful with me so it's moot in my case.

But it seems like you are more interested in a traditional heterosexual relationship where the man dominates the woman. So you and I aren't really on the same page anyway. We're looking for different things.
I shared a story about meeting two people. Both had a chance with me. One made a move and one didn't. I left with the one that made a move. This wasn't about gender. This wasn't about looking for a traditional dominating man. It was a simple story about one person with two options. My point was that if you don't take a chance, someone else might.

And you can't force friendships to become something more and you can't force something more into a friendship. Having an exact plan on how you want life to go isn't really that helpful in some cases.

Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x View Post
But, I thought you said in another post that the man has to do this. Don't you mean "when men I was friends with turned our friendships into something more"?
I never said anything about men having to do anything. My point is that if you don't take opportunities - then you'll never know if they could have led somewhere. I have asked men out before. In my friendships that turned into something more - oftentimes we just ended up kissing. Sometimes you don't know who actually makes the first move - and it doesn't matter.

You seem to have a chip on your shoulder and are possibly reading things into posts that aren't there to support that chip on your shoulder. Let the chip go.

If people aren't getting what they want out of life - they can either sit back and do nothing or they can try to change things. If you sit back and do nothing, you really can't complain about anything because you have made the choice to stop trying. That was my point. To be honest, I always had it really easy in the dating world. I had men asking me out, most of my friends wanted something more, men hit on me all the time, etc. Yes, I did ask a couple of guys out but most times, the guys beat me to the punch. My point isn't that MEN have to be the initiators - my point is that if what you want isn't coming to you, then you have to make the effort. I would give the same advice to a woman - albeit a bit different because, as much as guys on here want to make it seem like they want nothing more than women throwing themselves at them, that often doesn't work. I would suggest to women to start off subtly and move from there.
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Old 02-08-2015, 11:45 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,818 posts, read 2,059,963 times
Reputation: 2769
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
I shared a story about meeting two people. Both had a chance with me. One made a move and one didn't. I left with the one that made a move. This wasn't about gender. This wasn't about looking for a traditional dominating man. It was a simple story about one person with two options. My point was that if you don't take a chance, someone else might.

And you can't force friendships to become something more and you can't force something more into a friendship. Having an exact plan on how you want life to go isn't really that helpful in some cases.



I never said anything about men having to do anything. My point is that if you don't take opportunities - then you'll never know if they could have led somewhere. I have asked men out before. In my friendships that turned into something more - oftentimes we just ended up kissing. Sometimes you don't know who actually makes the first move - and it doesn't matter.

You seem to have a chip on your shoulder and are possibly reading things into posts that aren't there to support that chip on your shoulder. Let the chip go.

If people aren't getting what they want out of life - they can either sit back and do nothing or they can try to change things. If you sit back and do nothing, you really can't complain about anything because you have made the choice to stop trying. That was my point. To be honest, I always had it really easy in the dating world. I had men asking me out, most of my friends wanted something more, men hit on me all the time, etc. Yes, I did ask a couple of guys out but most times, the guys beat me to the punch. My point isn't that MEN have to be the initiators - my point is that if what you want isn't coming to you, then you have to make the effort. I would give the same advice to a woman - albeit a bit different because, as much as guys on here want to make it seem like they want nothing more than women throwing themselves at them, that often doesn't work. I would suggest to women to start off subtly and move from there.
I agree with this. If you want something to happen, it's best to go ahead and MAKE it happen. Go after it. Otherwise you're just sitting on your feelings and impulses, idling. Which produces nothing.
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Old 02-09-2015, 01:06 AM
 
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
3,691 posts, read 2,661,267 times
Reputation: 1634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
My point was that if you don't take a chance, someone else might.
Again...if you liked the guy why didn't YOU ask HIM out? What you're talking about is very much the traditional situation of the man dominating the woman. If you like him and he didn't approach you that means, by your own logic, that you should have approached him.

Quote:
You seem to have a chip on your shoulder
Certainly not. My lack of a love life is depressing. Anger isn't the emotion I feel; I worship women.

But I'm also not a victim. A relationship has to come in a specific way in order for me to feel comfortable with it. Unfortunately, no one wants that with me, so therefore it's just never going to happen, in all probability. This doesn't mean I am somehow afraid of taking initiative. I am after all a military veteran. I've run into fires, I've saved women from assault. But one person or the other taking initiative is not what I'm looking for. I want for one thing to lead to another like the song from 1983, or like the movie Princess Bride.

The whole dating game...the concept makes me uncomfortable, and it is far too artificial in my view.

Plus I'm not interested in just any random person. It has to be someone I have feelings for. If a 300 pound woman told me she was madly in love with me, I would most likely not reciprocate that. Not because I choose not to but because the physical attraction wouldn't be there in that case (not a matter of conscious control), and the romantic attraction is very rare. I've only found six people to whom I am drawn in a romantic sense (as opposed to just feeling lust; the number of people for whom I feel lust is in the thousands).
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Old 02-09-2015, 01:07 AM
 
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
3,691 posts, read 2,661,267 times
Reputation: 1634
Quote:
Originally Posted by stava View Post
I agree with this. If you want something to happen, it's best to go ahead and MAKE it happen. Go after it. Otherwise you're just sitting on your feelings and impulses, idling. Which produces nothing.
Again, that means if you like a guy, and someone you didn't like approaches you, that you should ignore the one who approached you and instead approach the guy who did not approach you. If you don't, I'm not sure what the point is.
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