Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In the example from my own life - I was talking to two guys. One of them made a move on me - the other one didn't. So, even though I liked the one that didn't make a move on be better - I left with the guy that did make a move on me. I wasn't looking for a relationship - I was already in an open relationship. However, who's to say that the other guy wouldn't have made me fall in love with him! He could have changed things! This isn't about gender. I'm not complaining about my life. I've always been in a relationship and always had guys asking me out. My story was about how the guy that made a move left with the girl. And once again, going in for a kiss, asking someone out, taking someone's hand in yours - these aren't things that are forcing them to be something they're not. If you are too afraid of these things - then your life is going to pass you by unless you find other people that are always willing to take the first step for you. And if you always find people to take the first step for you - you probably wouldn't be complaining about your love life!
I'm not complaining about guys that are too shy to risk it - I'm trying to point out to those guys that life is going to leave them behind. Shy guys can have courage. Shy guys can take control of their lives.
I think this post applies to most aspects of life, not just dating. Robert DeNiro used to say, "If you don't go, you'll never know" when talking about auditions. Auditioning is terrifying! You can be asked to do anything at any point, making yourself completely vulnerable, and will most likely be rejected anyway. So what's the point? Well, if you don't at least try, you'll never get a part. And if Robert DeNiro hadn't taken chances, we certainly wouldn't know his name or have his great art to enjoy, would we?
I've said in earlier posts that I've been shy at times too, but when I became desperate for work I got over that shyness really fast! My life literally depended on it. The point is that by always sitting on the sidelines, you miss every opportunity that you don't take. Sometimes we just have to risk things. If the guy I liked at work at least made the attempt to start a conversation with me rather than always relying on me to do it, I'd probably ask him out instead. Seeing as how that's an impossibility, I'd rather not ask him out because I fear a date would be even more painful.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
My first long term relationship was with my best friend. We were friends for years before we started dating. He didn't officially ask me out or anything - we just ended up kissing. A lot. And then we finally just admitted to ourselves that we were in love and in a relationship. We dated for 5 years. We had an open relationship for the last couple of years because we went to colleges across the country from each other - and even though we loved each other, we had started growing in different directions. We both wanted to have some fun in college but we weren't ready to break up yet because we still loved each other. We eventually broke up but have managed to stay close friends to this day. For us, our relationship didn't hurt our friendship - it actually solidified it because now we have NO sexual tension left. Been there, done that. We are better as friends than as lovers! And we are both married and the 4 of us get along great! Now, my story has a happy ending (even though we didn't end up together - we are both happy with other people and still friends with each other). Some don't. Some friends date and end up hating each other. Some friends date and end up falling in love and spending the rest of their lives together.
Point being, I wish I could give you the "right" answer - but, as my voice teacher says, "sometimes there are no right or wrong choices - just simply choices." I can't predict what will happen if you guys decide to take your friendships to the next level - all I can say is that real love is worth it.
I differed from 49ersfan27 and decided to not pursue, at least now. I'm just not at the point where I'm seeing her as a significant other. She is a hell of a friend though and seems to genuinely like being around me. Hell who knows what will happen.
I differed from 49ersfan27 and decided to not pursue, at least now. I'm just not at the point where I'm seeing her as a significant other. She is a hell of a friend though and seems to genuinely like being around me. Hell who knows what will happen.
Sounds like you made the right decision for yourself! I will say that when I turned my friendships into something more - it almost felt like we couldn't avoid it any longer. It was more than just thinking it would be nice - if that makes sense. I've also had friends that wanted something more but I just didn't feel the same way - although I loved them as a friend.
I differed from 49ersfan27 and decided to not pursue, at least now. I'm just not at the point where I'm seeing her as a significant other. She is a hell of a friend though and seems to genuinely like being around me. Hell who knows what will happen.
Well, she kissed me tonight during the movie. I mean a real deep kiss.
Well, she kissed me tonight during the movie. I mean a real deep kiss.
How old are you? Or what age range are you? That's a GREAT sign. Just curious so I can see how much we might relate and how much experience of my own I should contribute.
How old are you? Or what age range are you? That's a GREAT sign. Just curious so I can see how much we might relate and how much experience of my own I should contribute.
Pretty close then. I hope it works out for you. Don't let your original connection and friendship disappear. Emotions being involved can really throw a monkey wrench into it all. I had bad experiences, but fairy tale endings do happen as well. I still believe, despite the failures I went through, that dating your best friend can be the absolute best relationship if both are at the proper maturity level.
I haven't read through the entire thread. I'm a shy guy and for me it's not necessarily the shyness but the sensitivity that prevents me from going from the girl I'm interested in. I'm too focused on past rejections and how much they've hurt me and just predict that this will happen with the next girl I'm interested in. So I don't try.
Pretty close then. I hope it works out for you. Don't let your original connection and friendship disappear. Emotions being involved can really throw a monkey wrench into it all. I had bad experiences, but fairy tale endings do happen as well. I still believe, despite the failures I went through, that dating your best friend can be the absolute best relationship if both are at the proper maturity level.
We've been friends for a year. No way I will let her go.
Question for the shy guys: When you really, really like a girl, will nothing stop you from telling her you like her? Or will your nerves get the better of you and you'll let the opportunity pass you by, even though it's a great loss?
I suffer from severe shyness, social anxiety, etc. For me, especially when I was younger, girls were one thing that seemed to be motivating enough to get me to rise above my shyness. I was just thinking about that last night, actually. It was mostly about sex, but then when the first girl came along that I wanted a real relationship with, I found myself doing things I might not had thought possible if I had thought about them beforehand. That said, there were also many missed opportunities for both sex and relationships that I missed out on due to my shyness, anxiety, etc. Several years ago I had gone over all of them in my head and was able to count the missed opportunities.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
