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Old 01-29-2015, 11:43 AM
 
Location: NY
9,040 posts, read 14,358,624 times
Reputation: 11391

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
That's really easy to say when you're on the privileged side of the equation.

Sure, they've gotten through, but had they known the outcome up front, would they still have gone through with it?

If I were in my 20's with not so much to lose, I'd look at it differently. I'm not risking a destitute future against a 50/50 coin flip.

Others are free to do so, but not me.
Do you not trust yourself to make an analytically sound, educated decision to marry someone you would have presumably gotten to know, who shares your monetary values, is in a similar financial situation thereby avoiding much financial risk, and who agrees with you on how your financial picture as a couple would proceed going forward?
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Old 01-29-2015, 11:45 AM
 
376 posts, read 236,896 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
Well, you seem unable to see things any other way than how you have decided to see them - so I think it's pointless talking to you about this. I hope you are somehow able to find happiness although it doesn't look like you want to!
I thank you for that, honestly!

I don't see the unfair gender relations or legal climate changing anytime soon, so I guess I'm just stuck.

It's only going to change once women who want to marry and have children are literally unable to do so. It will be another 40-50 years.
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Old 01-29-2015, 11:45 AM
 
1,186 posts, read 1,029,290 times
Reputation: 4090
Sitting around reading studies published by men's activists groups sounds like a lot of fun. You must be a great guy to run into at a party.
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Old 01-29-2015, 11:48 AM
 
376 posts, read 236,896 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24 View Post
Do you not trust yourself to make an analytically sound, educated decision to marry someone you would have presumably gotten to know, who shares your monetary values, is in a similar financial situation thereby avoiding much financial risk, and who agrees with you on how your financial picture as a couple would proceed going forward?
See my previous post. People change. A lot, and I mean A LOT of guys I know have been left by their wives because they just got bored, wanted to "find themselves," etc. You can't control the other person.

Also in my previous post, women, by and large, want to marry up (hypergamy) to a man who earns more, and has a higher social standing, thereby rigging the game.
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Old 01-29-2015, 11:52 AM
 
1,186 posts, read 1,029,290 times
Reputation: 4090
It's always the guys with the least amount of experience on a a subject who have the most to say....
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Old 01-29-2015, 11:53 AM
 
376 posts, read 236,896 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeCollege View Post
It's always the guys with the least amount of experience on a a subject who have the most to say....

You're assuming an awful lot there, but carry on.
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Old 01-29-2015, 11:59 AM
 
Location: NY
9,040 posts, read 14,358,624 times
Reputation: 11391
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
See my previous post. People change. A lot, and I mean A LOT of guys I know have been left by their wives because they just got bored, wanted to "find themselves," etc. You can't control the other person.

Also in my previous post, women, by and large, want to marry up (hypergamy) to a man who earns more, and has a higher social standing, thereby rigging the game.
Although true you cannot control your spouse, you have control over who is your spouse.

A lot of people get married without really understanding their future spouse, or setting aside their emotions and honestly evaluating their spouse.

Financial issues are a leading cause for divorce. Many couples never even speak of how they will approach financial issues, contributing, emergencies, etc, before they get married, then get upset when things are not as they expect.

I hate to sound so academic about it, but a lot of people do not do proper due diligence in regard to getting married, which adds to aggregate totals of divorce, unhappiness, etc. Sometimes people do change too, but I would contend that is not all that often... that people's true characters are there to see if you look but that many people fail to look or allow their emotions to ignore things.

Anyway, none of that is a factor in predicting risk on a personal level. Like an investment, you can do a lot to minimize risk.

I do not mean to imply you should get married. Clearly you do not want to due to your perceived risk in it. I just feel you are over exaggerating the true risk to yourself, particularly since you seem like someone who would due a lot of due diligence and not enter into a marriage flippantly.
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Old 01-29-2015, 12:03 PM
 
5,117 posts, read 6,137,693 times
Reputation: 9719
Quote:
Originally Posted by DavidRudisha View Post
Men and women just aren't interested in dating anymore. The modern dating world is a joke and so many decide it's not worth the effort. Add in the fact that men and women are becoming less attractive to each other.
Society and cultural changes. You don't have to get married anymore. Want a baby, have one. Live with someone? OK. Marriage is diminished in importance to many so why go through the difficulties that are the nature of marriage. Of course, by doing so you are giving up the special connection of marriage.
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Old 01-29-2015, 12:09 PM
 
Location: NY
9,040 posts, read 14,358,624 times
Reputation: 11391
Quote:
Originally Posted by theoldnorthstate View Post
Society and cultural changes. You don't have to get married anymore. Want a baby, have one. Live with someone? OK. Marriage is diminished in importance to many so why go through the difficulties that are the nature of marriage. Of course, by doing so you are giving up the special connection of marriage.
Unless you are referring to divorce, what exactly are the difficulties of marriage one avoids by just co-habitating with someone and having a family that way?
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Old 01-29-2015, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,275,778 times
Reputation: 22108
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
I thank you for that, honestly!

I don't see the unfair gender relations or legal climate changing anytime soon, so I guess I'm just stuck.

It's only going to change once women who want to marry and have children are literally unable to do so. It will be another 40-50 years.
That will never happen. I'm sorry that you have such a negative outlook on women. I'm not sure if this is because you have no experience with women and have relied on others with negative outlooks on women or if you have been hurt by someone and haven't been able to get over it - but it's not a very healthy way to live your life - and I do hope that you are able to get past this. Like I said, we only have one life to live. Wasting it being afraid is no way to live.

But back to women not being able to marry and have children - that will never happen. Women aren't the only ones who want to marry and have children. Once again - marriage is a choice. People choose to get married. People are still choosing to get married - they are just waiting until they are older and they are marrying for love instead of necessity.

I can see from all of your posts that you don't like women very much - and I sincerely hope that you are able to get past this. Holding on to hate or anger only hurts you - and life is too short to waste on things like that. Life is too short to waste on anything negative. I wish I could go back and stop worrying about all the stupid things I spent my time worrying about. Well, you live and you learn and hopefully you become a better person because of it!
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