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Old 01-30-2015, 12:28 PM
 
4,608 posts, read 3,576,308 times
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On a loosely related note, I read an article today that bears relevance to something that comes up a lot around here. I'm not going to link the article, as it's woefully off-topic, but here's a snippet:

"It's the same dumb mistake, made in the other direction -- the idea that we can be sympathetic only to one group or the other. Never both. That if we want empathy, we have to take it away from someone else."

It referred to a male experience of getting raped. The author found that, in his efforts to seek empathy from peers, generally people felt very strongly one way or the other (anti women/anti men), and that empathy was almost mutually exclusive between genders, even though both were capable of being victims.
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Old 01-30-2015, 12:28 PM
 
376 posts, read 234,773 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
Nope, I have no problems with men at all. I do have a problem however with your particular women bashing style. You appear to have an innate dislike of the whole gender, and that is called gender bashing on this forum.
Yes, I know. You don't like women being held to the same standard that you hold men to.

You call it misogyny.
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Old 01-30-2015, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
20,075 posts, read 20,565,064 times
Reputation: 20411
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
Ahh, a tricky turn of phrase, and one in which you know you are being obtuse and willfully ignorant.

It is how the law is applied and administered, not how it is written, that makes it slanted, sexist and unfair.
So the conclusion of your facts and research on the legal system favoring women and being a risk for men boils down to the justice system is not perfect and some judges are less than decent and fair. And this just applies to gender differences.

Actually I'm not being tricky obtuse or ignorant.
I'm giving my point of view on the comment. Yes women generally want to settle down with a man that is going to be a financial equal or superior because IMO she knows that most likely she will be the one to have children and need to take off work/reduce hours and what not therefore she needs a partner who is willing and able to step up the financial support for the family. In this respect we are still far from equal. Even when this is not an issue more women generally bulk at taking care of a spouse financially for the entire marriage. Why would a reasonable person want to marry someone not even close to their own earning potential/goals/ambitions etc. knowing that person may never contribute to the marriage. Either true love or that person is hot.

Men have always seemed ok with just hot. I suspect when women get to that point of not being able to find a mate that is equal in financial abilities and age she will be more open to accepting a mate that is just young and hot.
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Old 01-30-2015, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Nashville, TN
5,316 posts, read 2,898,606 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post

Now that I am out dating again, I am dealing with either messed up men or men who are great, but are too focused on re-marriage (a goal I don't share) to make it a good match. Then I keep reading what some of these guys write and how they really feel about women and it makes me question the motives of every guy out there. I think I am just getting a bit tired of it all (and need a good long break. I already removed myself from the dating pool so to speak by taking down my online profile and quitting my speed dating and singles groups). I am not closing any doors... I am just not trying anymore for a while.

But I will agree, if you can find that right person, it's worth all the frustration, heartache, and such. But when it becomes too much for you, take a break (before you become bitter and hateful).
My experiences mirror yours, JB, and, like you, I now question the motives of every guy. The dating scene isn't fun, though it should be. I need a break from it already, and I've only been at it for 8 months.

Guess I'll just have to get used to the idea of eventually becoming a crazy cat lady.
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Old 01-30-2015, 01:38 PM
 
376 posts, read 234,773 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
So the conclusion of your facts and research on the legal system favoring women and being a risk for men boils down to the justice system is not perfect and some judges are less than decent and fair. And this just applies to gender differences.

Actually I'm not being tricky obtuse or ignorant.
I'm giving my point of view on the comment. Yes women generally want to settle down with a man that is going to be a financial equal or superior because IMO she knows that most likely she will be the one to have children and need to take off work/reduce hours and what not therefore she needs a partner who is willing and able to step up the financial support for the family. In this respect we are still far from equal. Even when this is not an issue more women generally bulk at taking care of a spouse financially for the entire marriage. Why would a reasonable person want to marry someone not even close to their own earning potential/goals/ambitions etc. knowing that person may never contribute to the marriage. Either true love or that person is hot.

Men have always seemed ok with just hot. I suspect when women get to that point of not being able to find a mate that is equal in financial abilities and age she will be more open to accepting a mate that is just young and hot.
I suspect you are very, very wrong in that.
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Old 01-30-2015, 02:02 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
20,075 posts, read 20,565,064 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
I suspect you are very, very wrong in that.
So what is your theory.
What options would she have unless she finds absolute true love but to remain single or switch teams.
She could marry a man who will never earn near what she will. We are seeing these situations most often end in divorce because although she is basically the sole breadwinner the husband often does not feel the need to pick up the slack on the home front then she becomes exhausted and frustrated and begins to build resentment. If that is a viable she might as well go for a young hot stud muffin.
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Old 01-30-2015, 02:53 PM
 
376 posts, read 234,773 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
So what is your theory.
What options would she have unless she finds absolute true love but to remain single or switch teams.
She could marry a man who will never earn near what she will. We are seeing these situations most often end in divorce because although she is basically the sole breadwinner the husband often does not feel the need to pick up the slack on the home front then she becomes exhausted and frustrated and begins to build resentment. If that is a viable she might as well go for a young hot stud muffin.
My theory is that the marriage rate will continue to decline, for the reasons you, I and others are outlining.

Women may end up with young, hot stud muffins, as you put it, but why would they marry them?

This is the crux of the issue. Women "marry up" almost exclusively, and when that well starts running dry, they simply won't marry. Indeed, I feel that a lot of women feel that "marrying up" is the ONLY reason to marry, or at the very least, the most important reason. So when they can't do that, they simply won't marry.
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Old 01-30-2015, 03:04 PM
 
9,415 posts, read 11,297,895 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
My theory is that the marriage rate will continue to decline, for the reasons you, I and others are outlining.

Women may end up with young, hot stud muffins, as you put it, but why would they marry them?

This is the crux of the issue. Women "marry up" almost exclusively, and when that well starts running dry, they simply won't marry. Indeed, I feel that a lot of women feel that "marrying up" is the ONLY reason to marry, or at the very least, the most important reason. So when they can't do that, they simply won't marry.
Most women do not marry up. In fact more women are marrying down these days than ever before. Maybe rich and/or beautiful women marry up but most women and men are not in that rich/beautiful category. Even many rich women are marrying down. Gisele Bundchen outearns Tom Brady by a hefty amount for example. Men and women marry because they love one another and want to be a couple. I think you have a skewed view.
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Old 01-30-2015, 03:04 PM
 
4,608 posts, read 3,576,308 times
Reputation: 4037
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
My theory is that the marriage rate will continue to decline, for the reasons you, I and others are outlining.

Women may end up with young, hot stud muffins, as you put it, but why would they marry them?

This is the crux of the issue. Women "marry up" almost exclusively, and when that well starts running dry, they simply won't marry. Indeed, I feel that a lot of women feel that "marrying up" is the ONLY reason to marry, or at the very least, the most important reason. So when they can't do that, they simply won't marry.
I really, really disagree with the underlined. I think there's a strong desire for many to get married. If the scenario you propose became true, I suspect that women would "settle" (so to speak) to get married.

Edit: There's also a significant difference between WANTING to marry up, and actually doing so.
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Old 01-30-2015, 03:08 PM
 
376 posts, read 234,773 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
Most women do not marry up. In fact more women are marrying down these days than ever before. Maybe rich and/or beautiful women marry up but most women and men are not in that rich/beautiful category. Even many rich women are marrying down. Gisele Bundchen outearns Tom Brady by a hefty amount for example. Men and women marry because they love one another and want to be a couple. I think you have a skewed view.
Yes, most women do marry up. You're just wrong.

Sorry not sorry.

Men pay 97% of alimony.
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