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Old 01-24-2015, 11:53 PM
 
694 posts, read 707,392 times
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Wondering how many can relate to this.This is the second time I have seen this woman.The first time was last weekend with a group of people we know at a bar and things didn't seem to go well.Then last night with the same group we met again at another bar and the night didn't start off smoothly and by the end of the night I had no clue what this woman thought of me.

As she was getting ready to go I took a chance and asked her to stay a little while longer so we could talk alone now that the others in our group had left.I didn't know what she was going to say but she accepted .I got right to the point and told her that she seemed to have been upset by something I had said in our first conversation the week before but she said that had not been the case.Then we started talking about our backgrounds(we are both half Italian and originally from the Northeast),what we liked about living in the Southeast, what kind of music we liked. Our conversation that had seemed strained for the most part all of a sudden seemed to become very comfortable and somewhat intimate if that's the right word. From our rough start somehow in the space of less than 20 minutes we closed that gap and we were staring into each others eyes as we talked.I felt very comfortable talking to her and I loved looking in her eyes and she didn't blink or look away from me and she smiled the whole time.I was going to walk her to her car but her car was right outside the bar and she drove me to my car.We talked for awhile longer about our families and friends before we said our goodbyes for the night.

So many times in the past I have had difficulty expressing myself to women but last night I was calm and cool and saying things in a way I had always wanted to with a woman but had been afraid too.I have been in this situation before and fell completely flat but she seemed to enjoy the conversation as much as I did. All I could think of as I drove home was how great it was to connect with a woman like that after having failed so many times. As of now we are going to be seeing each other this coming week. I guess this could be old hat to those who have had a lot of success with the opposite sex(and I am not a 40 something virgin lol) but its been some time ,maybe a long time since I have felt and talked like that with a woman . It was great!!
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Old 01-25-2015, 12:00 AM
 
14,790 posts, read 13,482,539 times
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good to hear, sounds like you were both comfortable.

I have great conversations with women all the time
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Old 01-25-2015, 12:20 AM
 
694 posts, read 707,392 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artemis agrotera View Post
good to hear, sounds like you were both comfortable.

I have great conversations with women all the time
Thanks!

Its not that this has never happened but it had been soooo long you forget what it feels like to connect with someone .I would like to think I made a little bit of my good luck by asking her to stay longer when I had no idea at all if she would accept( just before I asked she seemed very ready to go home and at other times in the past I would probably have just said goodnight and left it at that).After that everything just fell into place and we had a great time talking to each other and it seemed so easy.
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Old 01-27-2015, 10:51 PM
 
694 posts, read 707,392 times
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Well big turnaround with that woman I met and not for the best.We met again for a 3rd time with our group of friends at the local movie theatre and at the end of the night I asked her out.She basically acted like I was nuts for asking her out.She told me she flirts with a lot of guys and I just misunderstood her interest in me.I asked out a woman that's in the same singles group as I am and despite what she said she seemed upset and surprised that I asked her on a date and she kept telling me that she wanted to stick to group activities. When I mentioned that I hoped the group would do something for superbowl sunday she said me to "Oh by the way I am busy with some of my other friends sunday so I wont be having a superbowl party for our group." For my part I was just trying to keep her from freaking out in the parking lot of the movie theatre and so she wouldn't flip out I was halfway apologizing for aking her out.Was not a fun night.
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Old 01-27-2015, 11:02 PM
 
379 posts, read 312,482 times
Reputation: 345
Default It is her lost

Quote:
Originally Posted by senecaman View Post
Well big turnaround with that woman I met and not for the best.We met again for a 3rd time with our group of friends at the local movie theatre and at the end of the night I asked her out.She basically acted like I was nuts for asking her out.She told me she flirts with a lot of guys and I just misunderstood her interest in me.I asked out a woman that's in the same singles group as I am and despite what she said she seemed upset and surprised that I asked her on a date and she kept telling me that she wanted to stick to group activities. When I mentioned that I hoped the group would do something for superbowl sunday she said me to "Oh by the way I am busy with some of my other friends sunday so I wont be having a superbowl party for our group." For my part I was just trying to keep her from freaking out in the parking lot of the movie theatre and so she wouldn't flip out I was halfway apologizing for aking her out.Was not a fun night.
She perhaps sent wrong signal previously
This happens to everyone.

Put her in the queue and move on.

Head up and Stay positive attitude.
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Old 01-28-2015, 05:53 AM
 
110 posts, read 74,457 times
Reputation: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by senecaman View Post
Well big turnaround with that woman I met and not for the best.We met again for a 3rd time with our group of friends at the local movie theatre and at the end of the night I asked her out.She basically acted like I was nuts for asking her out.She told me she flirts with a lot of guys and I just misunderstood her interest in me.I asked out a woman that's in the same singles group as I am and despite what she said she seemed upset and surprised that I asked her on a date and she kept telling me that she wanted to stick to group activities. When I mentioned that I hoped the group would do something for superbowl sunday she said me to "Oh by the way I am busy with some of my other friends sunday so I wont be having a superbowl party for our group." For my part I was just trying to keep her from freaking out in the parking lot of the movie theatre and so she wouldn't flip out I was halfway apologizing for aking her out.Was not a fun night.
Hi I'm happy you could connect with her on a personal level but my from what you have posted here it seems she is really true to herself without the group being around...I believe if you really want to get to know her you should try to set up dates where it's just the two of you guys.sometimes people are easily influenced or act a certain way when they are around certain groups of people.Good luck.
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Old 01-28-2015, 06:28 AM
 
Location: PANAMA
1,424 posts, read 1,006,699 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by senecaman View Post
Well big turnaround with that woman I met and not for the best.We met again for a 3rd time with our group of friends at the local movie theatre and at the end of the night I asked her out.She basically acted like I was nuts for asking her out.She told me she flirts with a lot of guys and I just misunderstood her interest in me.I asked out a woman that's in the same singles group as I am and despite what she said she seemed upset and surprised that I asked her on a date and she kept telling me that she wanted to stick to group activities. When I mentioned that I hoped the group would do something for superbowl sunday she said me to "Oh by the way I am busy with some of my other friends sunday so I wont be having a superbowl party for our group." For my part I was just trying to keep her from freaking out in the parking lot of the movie theatre and so she wouldn't flip out I was halfway apologizing for aking her out.Was not a fun night.
Move on buddy boy...she is a player...she is not into you and her answer was a little bit harsh and disrespectful to say the least.

She could say something nice like "I'm really not dating right now, but thanks for asking". She goes about rambling about "group dating" and blah bla bla...forget it..what doesn't start right...often ends the worst.

The "group dating" crap is just a scam...she doesn't want anything with anybody...right now. She is looking for "Mr Right", when she finds that she will over him. I know the type.

I'm sure there must be another woman on that group...or find another group, or better yet, go to a singles event.

A lesson learned is a lesson earned.
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Old 01-28-2015, 06:39 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,981,619 times
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Well, she's either a tease or a wimp who follows her friends. That was rough. But now you know ... You CAN be easygoing and relaxed around a woman despite being nervous. You can smile and have a good conversation. Everybody is nervous around the opposite sex at first. It's just a matter of pushing past it. It might be awkward and weird, especially at first. But just think of her as practice. When you talk to the next one, just remember how you were during that conversation. You are that guy!
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Old 01-28-2015, 07:17 AM
 
Location: east coast
2,790 posts, read 2,152,867 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skywalker2014 View Post
Move on buddy boy...she is a player...she is not into you and her answer was a little bit harsh and disrespectful to say the least.

She could say something nice like "I'm really not dating right now, but thanks for asking". She goes about rambling about "group dating" and blah bla bla...forget it..what doesn't start right...often ends the worst.

The "group dating" crap is just a scam...she doesn't want anything with anybody...right now. She is looking for "Mr Right", when she finds that she will over him. I know the type.
Skywalker2014 is right. Tagging along as a single in all 3 outings is usually 2 types of personalities. 1- Very receptive and open to anyone and communicates her interests and follows through. 2, looking for Mr. right, the way she wants it, when she wants, and how she wants it- basically is confused. She is most likely #2 and you already knew that since day one with her attitude but you didn't approach accordingly.

But let's put things into perspective senecaman. I too grew up in northern NJ around a lot of Italos aka Italian Americans so I know the deal.

To put it in simple terms, you didn't put your Italo "D" out. You simply didn't and she smelled your innocence and purity. You didn't lay out your intentions or try to slightly impose your intentions and that is what she needs. You didn’t give her that Guido personality. However, it is not necessarily a good thing. She is more likely the type that often deals with drama because of her multiple personalities. Had you spent more time with her the last time, you prolly would be even more messed up thinking what the heck just happened... So just be glad you dodged a bullet.

Women like her are often single mothers with lots of family support from their sisters and mother. They are very close to them. You as a man have to be really on it and have to be able to deal with the multiple personalities while being slightly on the abrasive side- a yeller. Her type needs a real leader, someone that can put her in her place- a bad boy in disguise.

The problem is you noticed her attitude from day 1 and still pursued her. You know you aren't the type to take her personality on but you tried anyway and look where you are now. Just be glad she knocked you off otherwise, this would have been you....


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZ2c59hnhrg
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Old 01-28-2015, 08:46 AM
 
694 posts, read 707,392 times
Reputation: 459
Quote:
Originally Posted by skywalker2014 View Post
Move on buddy boy...she is a player...she is not into you and her answer was a little bit harsh and disrespectful to say the least.

She could say something nice like "I'm really not dating right now, but thanks for asking". She goes about rambling about "group dating" and blah bla bla...forget it..what doesn't start right...often ends the worst.

The "group dating" crap is just a scam...she doesn't want anything with anybody...right now. She is looking for "Mr Right", when she finds that she will over him. I know the type.

I'm sure there must be another woman on that group...or find another group, or better yet, go to a singles event.

A lesson learned is a lesson earned.
Thanks ! All good advise and I will definitely be taking it.The group is a good one though and it gets me out the door a couple of nights a week.It does need some improvement (we don't have enough people showing up per event) but I am just going to use that as an opportunity to step up and make it better.I just posted to the group about wanting to put together a superbowl party.I told our group leader that I don't have the room to host the party but that if we could put one together I would love to grill a ton of pork ribs for our group.

Also the group is just a starting point for me.I want to branch out to other things like bike riding on the weekends(I need something in addition to working out-getting sore joints from lifting lol) and I am looking into some dance classes which is something I have wanted to do for awhile.As far as the group goes about 5 of us so far are going out Friday night to hear a local band.So I am just trying to keep moving forward.

One thing though that I wish would happen.Its not easy to meet singles in our area and I keep hoping to make friends at the gym I work out at but its been just about impossible even after 3 years.Its too bad and it doesn't make sence to me given the difficulty of meeting people in our area .Actually its not hard for those who are college age or if you're in the group at the gym that works out 24/7 lol-fall into either group and you're fine but if you're over 35 and single its tough and singles life is kind of a new thing here (Upstate SC).For a long time a lot here got married just after hs or practically on the day of college graduation.It was the norm here to be married , settled and have 2 kids before 30 (like my parents did in the 50s ).It's changing though.We have a steady flow of people moving into our area and a lot more to do now than years ago(better restaurants, more cultural opportunities and nightlife and lot of outdoor things to do) so things improve year by year.

Last edited by senecaman; 01-28-2015 at 09:25 AM..
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