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But, to answer your question, 100% of people have issues. They just differ from person to person.
Yep, this. 100% of people have issues. It's whether or not their issues bother you.
Consider this: I dated two different women within a pretty short time frame of one another.
One of them was sophisticated, intelligent, had an excellent job, took good care of herself and her finances, cultured, and charming...but HATED dogs. HATED them. She was allergic, which I'm sure was related and isn't her fault, but still.
The other was a stripper, had a moderate drug habit, untrusting (specifically about men), a bit hostile at time, had accumulated a decent amount of debt, and lived with her brother...but had 3 dogs that she loved to death and took EXCELLENT care of.
The second one had more "issues", some of which were significant, but guess which relationship lasted longer?
The other reality is people become set in their ways. Whether their ways are to be single and do what they want, or to be in a relationship and they long for that. Dating was a different ball game for me when I reached late 20s. Up to that point, I always dated with the mindset of if this doesn't work out, I can just go out in the backyard and pick another off the vine. In theory, that statement is very true; however, in action it wasn't as true. People have an idea of the type of person they want to date. Sometimes it's realistic and other times it's unrealistic. Pairing two people together is never easy, but I found it to be easiest when both parties had little to their names at the time.
Once you start your career and start purchasing cars, a place to stay, bills, providing food, and other things on your own; it's hard to have someone come in and "tell you what to do." That's what I've found hardest about dating in my late 20s and early 30s. I find less and less people who want love, but are more than open for companionship. Basically feel their void of love with an activity partner, where sex would or wouldn't be involved. I see this more in the divorced crowd though.
The people who are my age and have never married, but had a very long-term relationship fail, they still want love, but have some tall walls built up around them. They are in love with the idea of what a relationship is, but aren't very willing to let anyone in, unless they follow a step by step process.
Last edited by weezerfan84; 01-27-2015 at 09:17 AM..
I expect everyone that I date in my age range to have had some issues, that's why they are single and dating. Know that I've had a few issues and that's what led to my divorce. Guess what I mean by quirky is that they don't appear to have full on mental issues, but something just wasn't right either.
My take on dating in your 40's is that I have some baggage, my dates have some baggage and if we can accept each other's baggage then we might be able to pursue something long term. That's what happened in my last relationship, I accepted her baggage and up until the last few weeks it was never a problem that we couldn't overcome.
One example of something I will overlook is any woman that has been on anti-depressants. Seems most of the women I've dated all had to get on them at some point during their divorce. Not going to hold it against them because I did the same thing for a few months to help me get over my divorce. My concern is the pool of people with more severe mental issues, like bipolar. If it's in 2% of the general population but in 30% (2 out of 6 ) of the women I have dated over the past three years am I just a magnet?
Single women, as they approach 40, especially if they have not had a kid go crazy... this is a documented fact, as some mythical clock is about to expire in their mind and they will do anything they can to settle down / get married / get pregnant before their clock expires and they have to go to Sanctuary (see if anyone gets this reference...)
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grmi66
I expect everyone that I date in my age range to have had some issues, that's why they are single and dating. Know that I've had a few issues and that's what led to my divorce. Guess what I mean by quirky is that they don't appear to have full on mental issues, but something just wasn't right either.
Not right? As in artistic? Colorful? Interesting? Thinks outside the box? Doesn't aspire to a suburban home and family? Creative? Different priorities than yours, and the mainstream world, that you don't share?
I expect everyone that I date in my age range to have had some issues, that's why they are single and dating. Know that I've had a few issues and that's what led to my divorce. Guess what I mean by quirky is that they don't appear to have full on mental issues, but something just wasn't right either.
Let's get something straight. We ALL have issues. Nobody's issues are necessarily better or worse than anybody else's. Just because you're not locked into a marriage by X age doesn't mean you're worse off than anybody else. It may just mean that you haven't found someone that you match up well enough with (because maybe you're just very unique in a certain way). Some people just have it easy in that they can mold into whatever it is their partner wants, and so relationships come easy to those people. OTOH, it could also mean that you have some significant issues that you need to overcome (as in OP's case), especially if you're well aware that these issues have been the source of significant divisiveness in past relationships.
Not right? As in artistic? Colorful? Interesting? Thinks outside the box? Doesn't aspire to a suburban home and family? Creative? Different priorities than yours, and the mainstream world, that you don't share?
That type of not right?
Send them to me (when I'm single again).
I am getting a different impression of things than you. My guess is, based on his wording, they have borderline/undiagnosed mental illness... what you are describing is just different personalities. I think what's confusing this is he's tried to sugarcoat things by calling it "mental issues" instead of "mental illness" and "quirky" as opposed to "creepy."
I guess an example would be My liar guy. I wouldn't call him "full on mentally ill" but he had some kind of mental issue that caused him to lie about so many things. Not about big things, but so many little lies about everything. In fact, I met him based on a lie. He told me he was an active scuba diver and he wasn't... he'd been once, 20+ years ago. He said he was a non-smoker, he wasn't... he smoked. He claimed to have a lot of the same interests as me, but couldn't really talk about any of them. He claimed to work at one place and the next week it was someplace completely different. He said he was married and divorced once, turned out he was actually married and divorced twice. He even lied about his height in his profile... not by an inch or two, but by 6 inches. Like I said, nothing really severe, not really "mentally ill" but not quite "right" either.
I am getting a different impression of things than you. My guess is, based on his wording, they have borderline/undiagnosed mental illness... what you are describing is just different personalities. I think what's confusing this is he's tried to sugarcoat things by calling it "mental issues" instead of "mental illness" and "quirky" as opposed to "creepy."
I guess an example would be My liar guy. I wouldn't call him "full on mentally ill" but he had some kind of mental issue that caused him to lie about so many things. Not about big things, but so many little lies about everything. In fact, I met him based on a lie. He told me he was an active scuba diver and he wasn't... he'd been once, 20+ years ago. He said he was a non-smoker, he wasn't... he smoked. He claimed to have a lot of the same interests as me, but couldn't really talk about any of them. He claimed to work at one place and the next week it was someplace completely different. He said he was married and divorced once, turned out he was actually married and divorced twice. He even lied about his height in his profile... not by an inch or two, but by 6 inches. Like I said, nothing really severe, not really "mentally ill" but not quite "right" either.
Something else to keep in mind is that you're probably also dating from a smaller pool, hence the reason why the "weird" ones stick out and seem more profound.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
I am getting a different impression of things than you. My guess is, based on his wording, they have borderline/undiagnosed mental illness... what you are describing is just different personalities. I think what's confusing this is he's tried to sugarcoat things by calling it "mental issues" instead of "mental illness" and "quirky" as opposed to "creepy."
I guess an example would be My liar guy. I wouldn't call him "full on mentally ill" but he had some kind of mental issue that caused him to lie about so many things. Not about big things, but so many little lies about everything. In fact, I met him based on a lie. He told me he was an active scuba diver and he wasn't... he'd been once, 20+ years ago. He said he was a non-smoker, he wasn't... he smoked. He claimed to have a lot of the same interests as me, but couldn't really talk about any of them. He claimed to work at one place and the next week it was someplace completely different. He said he was married and divorced once, turned out he was actually married and divorced twice. He even lied about his height in his profile... not by an inch or two, but by 6 inches. Like I said, nothing really severe, not really "mentally ill" but not quite "right" either.
Well that isn't quirky then. Quirky has a pretty good definition: weird in a good way. Lots of norms consider them weird, but it is harmless and lots of people find it very interesting and attracted.
What you're describing is just a damn compulsive liar.
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