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Old 01-27-2015, 07:52 AM
 
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Well I've dipped my toe back into the dating pool and started online dating a few weeks ago. My age range for women is 40-48 years old and I'm wondering if the percentage of mental disease and/or other issues is higher for this pool of people. Plus I don't know if I'm sending out a vibe that attracts a woman with issues or not.

Of the 5 women I have met in the last few weeks, 2 appeared to have their stuff together, 2 were a little "quirky" and one admitted that she was diagnosed as a full blown bipolar personality. Just having come out of a relationship with someone who was bipolar, I know in the general realm of the population that they account for only 2% of the people out there. So to land a date with another woman with bipolar issues right out of the gate has me worried. At least she told me before the second date.

To be honest, I will admit to having an small issue or two myself. That's why I'm divorced, but sought out counseling to help avoid those issues in the future.

So did I get lucky and just happen to attract 3 out of 5 women who had issues right out of the gate? It was enough to make me shut down all of my online dating profiles for a while. Don't want to get involved again with a woman who has significant mental issues.
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:00 AM
 
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Quirky is an "issue"? I love quirky. Would take them over vanilla norms anyday.

But, to answer your question, 100% of people have issues. They just differ from person to person.
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:07 AM
 
Location: NC
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bout three fiddy.....
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:15 AM
 
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I date men in about the same age range as you date women and I've encountered the same. Not necessarily men telling me they have issues, but they do and it's a fair number of them. And it's pretty obvious... like the man who told me about his "secret" bunker and how he was going to be a local warlord in a few months (this was before December 2012). Or the man who just kept lying about all kinds of stuff (pathological liar?) even things that he was very obviously lying about. I can give more examples.

My guess is this:

After about age 35, most people are paired off (married or otherwise in relationships) so the dating pool is smaller. And while some people in that age range are just single because they just are (want to be single/haven't found anyone/had bad luck in marriage and are now divorced/etc); there are also a lot who are "single for a reason" (AKA have issues and never been able to pair off, or they are divorced because of their issues).

So basically in any given age group you have the same percentage of people with these kinds of issues. I think this doesn't stand out as much when you are younger because (say in your 20s) most people are single and that kind of dilutes things so the "single for a reason" people don't stand out as much. At 35+ (since most people are paired off) the "single for a reason" crowd is more concentrated and you are more likely to run into them.

And yes, it's part of the reason I shut down all my online dating profiles too. Seems like I run into the "single for a reason" men a lot online. So I have no doubt men run into the same problem with "single for a reason" women. But that doesn't mean all people online are all bad of course... there are lots of good people are online too. It all boils down to how much frog kissing you can tolerate.

Last edited by jillabean; 01-27-2015 at 08:24 AM..
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:20 AM
 
Location: D.C.
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That's close to the same age range for me, though I went a few years higher. When you reach your 40's I think everyone has a certain amount of issues. I certainly do, and I would expect nothing different from any woman I was dating. It's just a part of life. It's how they deal with them that tells me whether I want to continue dating or not. The woman I am with now (just turned 45) certainly had her share of things to deal with in the past, but I'd never have known it based on her outlook on life.
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:28 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by david0966 View Post
That's close to the same age range for me, though I went a few years higher. When you reach your 40's I think everyone has a certain amount of issues. I certainly do, and I would expect nothing different from any woman I was dating. It's just a part of life. It's how they deal with them that tells me whether I want to continue dating or not. The woman I am with now (just turned 45) certainly had her share of things to deal with in the past, but I'd never have known it based on her outlook on life.
You are right of course. As people get older, life's experiences shape and change them. I'd be concerned more if someone "didn't" develop like this over time. I was under the impression the OP was asking about real, solid degrees of mental illness though. Not just the routine baggage that everyone picks up along the way because life happens. I could be wrong though (that was just my impression).
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:30 AM
 
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In my experience it has been about 90 % nut jobs online. 10 % normal
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:44 AM
 
Location: D.C.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
You are right of course. As people get older, life's experiences shape and change them. I'd be concerned more if someone "didn't" develop like this over time. I was under the impression the OP was asking about real, solid degrees of mental illness though. Not just the routine baggage that everyone picks up along the way because life happens. I could be wrong though (that was just my impression).
Yes, I could see where the bi-polar thing would be a problem. I'm just curious what exactly he means by "quirky" though. That's pretty vague. I think most people have some sort of quirk, I certainly do. My dating experiences were nothing like his. Prior to meeting the woman I am with now, I dated seven or eight other women and my experiences were nothing like his. I guess similar to Timberline, quirks don't really phase me.
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:50 AM
 
Location: D.C.
2,766 posts, read 1,672,940 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
I date men in about the same age range as you date women and I've encountered the same. Not necessarily men telling me they have issues, but they do and it's a fair number of them. And it's pretty obvious... like the man who told me about his "secret" bunker and how he was going to be a local warlord in a few months (this was before December 2012). Or the man who just kept lying about all kinds of stuff (pathological liar?) even things that he was very obviously lying about. I can give more examples.

My guess is this:

After about age 35, most people are paired off (married or otherwise in relationships) so the dating pool is smaller. And while some people in that age range are just single because they just are (want to be single/haven't found anyone/had bad luck in marriage and are now divorced/etc); there are also a lot who are "single for a reason" (AKA have issues and never been able to pair off, or they are divorced because of their issues).

So basically in any given age group you have the same percentage of people with these kinds of issues. I think this doesn't stand out as much when you are younger because (say in your 20s) most people are single and that kind of dilutes things so the "single for a reason" people don't stand out as much. At 35+ (since most people are paired off) the "single for a reason" crowd is more concentrated and you are more likely to run into them.

And yes, it's part of the reason I shut down all my online dating profiles too. Seems like I run into the "single for a reason" men a lot online. So I have no doubt men run into the same problem with "single for a reason" women. But that doesn't mean all people online are all bad of course... there are lots of good people are online too. It all boils down to how much frog kissing you can tolerate.


Wow, you've certainly had some interesting experiences to say the least. I've gone on MANY dates over the years, and the worst I've encountered is a woman who complained through the whole date, she hated her job, hated Miami, hated her family, pretty much everything.
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Old 01-27-2015, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
2,391 posts, read 1,710,263 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by david0966 View Post
Yes, I could see where the bi-polar thing would be a problem. I'm just curious what exactly he means by "quirky" though. That's pretty vague. I think most people have some sort of quirk, I certainly do. My dating experiences were nothing like his. Prior to meeting the woman I am with now, I dated seven or eight other women and my experiences were nothing like his. I guess similar to Timberline, quirks don't really phase me.
It seems that when people throw around the term "quirky", they usually mean "not like me" or "having their own personality". Heaven forbid.
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