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Old 01-27-2015, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
2,391 posts, read 1,715,650 times
Reputation: 1915

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JobSeeker101 View Post
Trust is the biggest thing I lack. From a terrible childhood destroyed by lies, and reinforced by dating which always ended with the same. Then the friends I eventually cut out of my life who weren't trustworthy either. It's hard to trust people when it has backfired 9/10 times.
You need to find better people to hang out with. No one is perfect, but not everyone is as terrible as what you're describing either. Any and all relationships boil down to what you're willing to put up with and how much you can put with from a particular person. Can you deal with their ****? That's what it will come down to.
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Old 01-27-2015, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
2,380 posts, read 2,850,951 times
Reputation: 2832
No, I don't prefer to be single. Why prefer being alone when there's the alternative of a lifetime with someone whose company you enjoy, who inspires and complements you?

If you're only preferring to be single because you're still raw about being cheated on, lead on and lied to, then you should prefer to be unemployed because employment could leave you raw with being lied to, manipulated, neglected, fired, disrespected, etc. Rejection and disappointment is a normal part of life; you have to learn to cope with and find positive meaning in it in order to keep going for the things you want until you find them. You won't find any meaningful relationship with someone who doesn't cheat, lie, YOLO life, etc while cowering away in "preferred" singledom.
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Old 01-27-2015, 12:33 PM
 
750 posts, read 607,818 times
Reputation: 1106
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Do you honestly want to be single? Or is this just a trust issue?
I want to be single because I don't trust myself to find a decent partner, nor do I trust 99% of people. Also, it wouldn't be a wise idea financially at the moment. Another small reason is because I'm content and used to being alone by now, and it'd feel weird to have some around a lot again. I don't miss feeling dependent on someone else in any way, and being emotionally invested to where they could hurt me.
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Old 01-27-2015, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
2,380 posts, read 2,850,951 times
Reputation: 2832
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Do you honestly want to be single? Or is this just a trust issue?
It seems that way about him to me as well. Therapy is helpful for realizing how faulty our behaviors are that lock others out of our lives and haven't yet learned to cope effectively.
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Old 01-27-2015, 12:41 PM
 
750 posts, read 607,818 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yiuppy View Post
It seems that way about him to me as well. Therapy is helpful for realizing how faulty our behaviors are that lock others out of our lives and haven't yet learned to cope effectively.
I answered in post 23. Therapy isn't for me. Does nothing for me. I realize all of my issues and how were they were formed. No amount of talking to someone is going to rewrite history and pain. Channeling it into whatever, or trying to pretend there can be a positive spin isn't logical to me. It is what it is, we aren't all handed the same cards and must deal with it.
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Old 01-27-2015, 12:43 PM
 
5,121 posts, read 5,301,437 times
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Both single and being in a couple have it's advantages and disadvantages. I am happy single and I can honestly say that my life has never been better than it is now. I have everything I need and a lot of what I want. I have family, close friends, a great job and a great life. But with the right person I would be happy as part of a couple as well and I do want a good man in my life.

What I won't do is compromise and date "anyone" just because I don't want to be single. Dating the wrong person and being in a relationship with that person is a whole lot worse for me than being single (especially when I am perfectly happy being single). In fact, being with the wrong person can make me stressed and unhappy.

I guess I am saying my life is a nice cake. I would like frosting on my cake (a man to share my life with), but I won't settle for yucky frosting that tastes like shaving cream and ruins the cake just to have frosting. I will only accept what will make things better (AKA the good stuff/a good man for me). If no good stuff is available, I will just enjoy my cake plain.
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Old 01-27-2015, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
2,391 posts, read 1,715,650 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JobSeeker101 View Post
It is what it is, we aren't all handed the same cards and must deal with it.
There's no point in letting negative experiences dictate your life's path though. I can tell you that much from my own experience. The best revenge is to live a fulfilling, happy life.

My life has not been anything that special either and I've been hurt a number of times. There have been plenty of times I've wanted to quit. You can read some of those stories here. But where's that going to lead me? Single and miserable? No thanks, especially since I can do a lot to change that on my own.
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Old 01-27-2015, 12:53 PM
 
750 posts, read 607,818 times
Reputation: 1106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur View Post
There's no point in letting negative experiences dictate your life's path though. I can tell you that much from my own experience. The best revenge is to live a fulfilling, happy life.

My life has not been anything that special either and I've been hurt a number of times. There have been plenty of times I've wanted to quit. You can read some of those stories here. But where's that going to lead me? Single and miserable? No thanks, especially since I can do a lot to change that on my own.
Relationships have made me 10% happy, 90% miserable. When I'm single, I am just even keel I suppose. Don't experience high emotions, but neither rock bottom lows. Single is certainly the safer choice for me lol. Especially since I don't feel a strong urge or need for anyone to be in my life. I could literally have not a single person speaking to me, and I wouldn't feel too terrible about it.
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Old 01-27-2015, 12:53 PM
 
32,836 posts, read 22,780,939 times
Reputation: 29883
Quote:
Originally Posted by JobSeeker101 View Post
It is what it is, we aren't all handed the same cards and must deal with it.

Sounds like you don't want to deal with it at all.
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Old 01-27-2015, 12:54 PM
 
Location: in your dreams
10,892 posts, read 13,039,036 times
Reputation: 15317
Quote:
Originally Posted by JobSeeker101 View Post
Trust is the biggest thing I lack. From a terrible childhood destroyed by lies, and reinforced by dating which always ended with the same. Then the friends I eventually cut out of my life who weren't trustworthy either. It's hard to trust people when it has backfired 9/10 times.
Not trusting yourself or your own judgement is the issue here. ~This is the root cause for your repeated trust issues with people. You choose people who reinforce your (perceived) negative belief that people will betray you. You externalize trust rather than internalize it. Law of attraction... Learn to master your mind or become a slave to your own detrimental thoughts...If you do not trust yourself, how can you trust anyone else..?
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