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Old 01-30-2015, 10:51 AM
 
11,387 posts, read 12,653,102 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
Why? Are you looking to take advantage of them?
That's all they are good for.

Kinda like telling your girlfriend in the middle of sex that you did her sister. What a ride!!!
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,954 posts, read 5,941,984 times
Reputation: 3236
Quote:
Originally Posted by grmi66 View Post
Again, with my ex-fiance she went over three years between manic episodes. But when she did she turned into a completely unrecognizable person. Leading a horrible, sordid double life that in no way, shape or form was evident from her girl next door demeanor. Go get the book I told you about, for $10 you will learn all you need to know.
The woman I have discussed was with her bf for 15yrs before she put him in jail. She cycled with the seasons, from what I understand, but didn't crash n burn on the relationship for 15yrs.
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Old 01-30-2015, 12:00 PM
 
Location: PA
618 posts, read 329,047 times
Reputation: 958
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
A woman I recently began dating disclosed to me that she was diagnosed as bipolar. She felt it was important that I know this before things got too serious. And I certainly appreciate her honesty. She knows that it can scare a lot of guys off and took a big risk by telling me. In case it matters, it's Type II, not Type I. She's taking medication and says it's been effective. This is new territory for both of us. She was only diagnosed recently so she's still coming to terms with it. And I have no experience dating someone who's bipolar nor do I fully understand what it means to be bipolar. I've been doing a lot of research and now I'm really torn. So much of what I've read says to NOT get involved with such a person, that I'll only end up miserable, exhausted, and stressed out. But my feelings are clouding my thinking. I really like this woman. I blew the first opprtunity I had with her and was lucky to get a second chance so I don't want to just throw that away. We haven't been dating for very long, but it's been going far better than I had expected it to, which is why I don't want to just walk away. I know that there are plenty of other women out there, but it's rare for me to meet one that interests me the way this woman has. It's one thing to try to pursue a relationship with someone and have it not work out. That's fine. I can live with that. But ending something because the other person has a mental illness...I guess that bothers me cause it feels like I'm not being open minded and I'm prejudging this person based on how others with the same illness behave.

Should I pursue this and just see what happens? Or should I walk away now before I get too emotionally invested? For folks who have dated someone bipolar, can you tell me what your experience was like? Does it matter that I have a more even-keeled personality? Is this relationship doomed from the start and am I being naive in thinking I can deal with the issues that'll come up?

I am sure they are all different, but in my experience with a bipolar chick, I would say save yourself before you get too involved. Mine was a early 40's (not that I think age matters) and while what I considered in the downswing or normal, you couldn't ask for anyone nicer. Normal moods patterns, normal sleep patterns, normal everything. BUT...when she was on the "upswing" as I used to call it, lookout! Swings usually lasted 5-15 days each but sometimes shorter or longer. It was the long ones that were hard on me physically and emotionally. Mine only slept 3-4 hours a nite on the upswing and thought I should be awake too. But when normal slept 8 hrs. Drank like a fish and the best crazy/kinky sex ever when on the upswing, but could care less about sex when normal. Bat**** crazy behavior when up also. My health finally suffered to the point due to lack of sleep that I had to leave. Miss the wild and crazy bipolar sex though.
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Old 01-30-2015, 01:32 PM
 
8,468 posts, read 13,222,091 times
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The way most of you have described bipolar individuals makes me wonder how such people are even functional in the real world. How do they hold down a job? How do they stay on top of regular things like paying bills, chores, etc.? How do they not alienate friends and coworkers? When I look at the woman I've been dating, I see someone who's able to hold a steady job, built a good career for herself, and apparently she's very good at what she does. I see a person who's maintained a close circle of friends, a person who's very close to her family, and a person who doesn't seem financially irresponsible, except for a few spending sprees in her past when her income shot up.
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Old 01-30-2015, 01:46 PM
 
8,224 posts, read 6,549,560 times
Reputation: 8509
My SIL is bipolar.
She doesn't function well in a normal working environment. She has a service dog for the anxiety it causes her
She went through a horrible stage in her young adulthood with suicide and running away until she was finally diagnosed as having the disorder.

She is mostly ok now in her adult life.
She still struggles with depression and for lack of better terminology "understanding" people. She will often mistake jokes as being serious or "call out" people who are doing things she doesn't agree with.

She can't function long term in a workplace. So she has had to find other means of self employment which both help her with motivation and adding a self made structure to her life which in turn helps her emotional well being and focus

Her husband, God bless his soul has learned her triggers and does a great job at bringing her back down when she starts to go into episodes.

For the most part she is fine. It's when she is already in an emotional state from things outside the disorder (sad movie, irritable time of the month etc) and allows it to take over that she has troubles coping and goes in to full blown manic.
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Old 01-30-2015, 02:32 PM
 
2,783 posts, read 6,376,453 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
The way most of you have described bipolar individuals makes me wonder how such people are even functional in the real world. How do they hold down a job? How do they stay on top of regular things like paying bills, chores, etc.? How do they not alienate friends and coworkers? When I look at the woman I've been dating, I see someone who's able to hold a steady job, built a good career for herself, and apparently she's very good at what she does. I see a person who's maintained a close circle of friends, a person who's very close to her family, and a person who doesn't seem financially irresponsible, except for a few spending sprees in her past when her income shot up.
Mine was out of the workplace finishing up her college degree for the first year of our relationship. Then spent a year bouncing from job to job until she somehow lucked into an entry level paper pushing job with the county. But looking back I think something is fishy, they keep extending her 90 day probation out. Last time I talked to her about it her 90 day probation was extended a full year. But if she can tough it out another 4 months she can never get fired. It's low stress, she gets a free bus pass so no stress of driving into downtown. (however I found out later that it gave her two hours a day to text and troll online while she was on the bus).

When she was breaking up with me she was talking about walking away from the job to move out of state. Unwise financial decisions are something else you need to deal with. Not my problem anymore, but my ex-fiance is now $800-$1000 a month shy of meeting her minimum financial obligations.
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Old 01-30-2015, 03:50 PM
 
Location: Tulsa, OK
2,444 posts, read 2,229,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
The way most of you have described bipolar individuals makes me wonder how such people are even functional in the real world. How do they hold down a job? How do they stay on top of regular things like paying bills, chores, etc.? How do they not alienate friends and coworkers? When I look at the woman I've been dating, I see someone who's able to hold a steady job, built a good career for herself, and apparently she's very good at what she does. I see a person who's maintained a close circle of friends, a person who's very close to her family, and a person who doesn't seem financially irresponsible, except for a few spending sprees in her past when her income shot up.
It depends on the individual and the type of bipolar. 1 is the worse of the 2. Having a good MD, therapist and making sure their meds are right all help.
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Old 01-30-2015, 04:22 PM
 
6,908 posts, read 3,738,461 times
Reputation: 4612
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
The way most of you have described bipolar individuals makes me wonder how such people are even functional in the real world. How do they hold down a job? How do they stay on top of regular things like paying bills, chores, etc.? How do they not alienate friends and coworkers? When I look at the woman I've been dating, I see someone who's able to hold a steady job, built a good career for herself, and apparently she's very good at what she does. I see a person who's maintained a close circle of friends, a person who's very close to her family, and a person who doesn't seem financially irresponsible, except for a few spending sprees in her past when her income shot up.
They work insane hours that normal people could never do. My ex is one of the most dedicated employees you will find. He also worked 100-120 hours a week

They do not always stay on top of bills, chores and keeping their lives organized. My ex always has someone to do that for him.

My ex alienates people all the time. None of his people stay in his life for very long except for one guy who uses him.
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Old 01-30-2015, 07:52 PM
 
Location: PANAMA
1,424 posts, read 1,006,375 times
Reputation: 1146
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
No, actually it's called having an open mind and not prejudging someone until you have enough information to form an opinion. I'm not in love with this person and this isn't a case of my hormones clouding my judgment. Maybe if this person hadn't already been a friend, I wouldn't be so willing to try this. But because she is a friend and someone I already trusted, I feel like she deserves better from me than outright dismissal. I don't pretend to know everything about bipolar disorder. If I did, I wouldn't have started this thread. But what I do know is that everyone responds to an illness differently. Some are better at managing it than others. Some respond better to medication than others. Some have a more severe case than others. This woman I'm dating has already begun taking steps to help manage her illness. She's changed jobs to something far less stressful. She's begun exercising to help manage her moods. She's reached out to friends and family for help instead of just trying to handle it on her own.
You can have an "open mind" and whatever but the fact is, she has a mental illness. The "good thing" is she knows there is a problem. That's a start for getting some control.

I'm not saying you dismiss her. I still care for my lady friend, and I will ever will, but for the both of us (since she isn't on treatment and I know there is something wrong, and almost all the symptoms are there) it's better to stay away.

I also go way back with my lady friend...and I never suspected there was anything wrong, a little bit excentric due to her "new age" thing (like dressing in black all the time) but nothing serious. Until we get involved. The heavy drinking, the poor sleeping pattern, the tons of activities, the sex with more than one partner and the list goes on and on.

The I saw the rage..."The Exorcist" type of behavior, was pretty scary stuff.

Yes, sure, everybody is not the same really, but I think you are falling for this girl hard, just like I did with mine, and that my friend can backfire and you will never be the same.

Again...good luck.
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Old 01-30-2015, 09:09 PM
 
8,468 posts, read 13,222,091 times
Reputation: 7511
Quote:
Originally Posted by skywalker2014 View Post
You can have an "open mind" and whatever but the fact is, she has a mental illness. The "good thing" is she knows there is a problem. That's a start for getting some control.

I'm not saying you dismiss her. I still care for my lady friend, and I will ever will, but for the both of us (since she isn't on treatment and I know there is something wrong, and almost all the symptoms are there) it's better to stay away.

I also go way back with my lady friend...and I never suspected there was anything wrong, a little bit excentric due to her "new age" thing (like dressing in black all the time) but nothing serious. Until we get involved. The heavy drinking, the poor sleeping pattern, the tons of activities, the sex with more than one partner and the list goes on and on.

The I saw the rage..."The Exorcist" type of behavior, was pretty scary stuff.

Yes, sure, everybody is not the same really, but I think you are falling for this girl hard, just like I did with mine, and that my friend can backfire and you will never be the same.

Again...good luck.
I haven't spent enough time with her to be falling for her. But what I am doing is paying attention to how serious she is about dealing with her illness. First, she's going to the gym almost daily, which is great for stabilizing moods. Second, she's cut back on drinking. She now limits herself to 1-2 drinks per week. Third, she's commited to eating a healthier diet. Poor diet has a huge impact on mental illness. I learned that when I suffered from depression. Fourth, she's not staying up late like she used to but is instead going to sleep every night by 10. I could cite more examples. The point is that, unlike a lot of bipolar folks, she's doing everything she can to manage her illness. Does that mean she'll never experience manic or depressive episodes? Of course not. But the fact that she's focused on her health is a huge plus. I know I'll have to work hard to make this work. But clearly, she's willing to work hard too.
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