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Old 01-28-2015, 11:23 PM
 
12 posts, read 9,011 times
Reputation: 15

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Hi this question is more directed to the girls but guys can answer too.. just from your experiences with relationships.. I want to share this and see what you guys would conclude with.

Im a young guy mid 20's I met this girl at work she is same age as me for nearly a year just "hi / hello" not flirting or texting each other just keeping it cold/professional. Deep down I started falling for her deeply and I didn't approach her. Yes I am kind of a shy guy but I'm also very loyal, honest & genuine and I always wanted a girl who I could spend the rest of my life with. Alot of girls in my work place tried to flirt with me be cause i hear they liked my personality, ethics at work etc etc Im not trying to be cocky.. but I hear I'm not a bad looking guy , i mean have some good qualities i hear women like such as height, looks abit of unique stlye in various things i donno...

The reason I didnt approach her were two:

1. I come from a middle class family, I also have my own personal problems to sort out in life $$$ low salaries, came out of a devastative breakup which my girl who cheated on me (shattered my dreams & plans). I was single for around 1 year and half now. Not because I couldnt get a girl.. but wanted to get the right one

2. She is from a high class family with plenty of access to $$$ but one thing i loved abt her is she wasnt flashy abt her riches.. she was loyal and down to earth

Just a few days before I quit my job leaving for a new job abroad i decided to atleast text her if she would attend a specific public function. which she replied in a flirty way she would. we then met up we hit some booze started talking and connected deeply she was into me the whole time.. she claims she wasnt the cheating type too was last time she was in a relationshp was like 4 years ago. well we managed to get "personal" & "physical" in that short time i had which was great before leaving the country and in bed she showed traits of not knowing alot of stuff.

What confuses my head is:

1. she tried to be distant in our conversations... is this bcoz she scared she will fall deeply and get hurt ? n doesnt like long distance ?bcoz she did mention abt such a thing once...

2. she being single for this long..does it mean she got issues ?

3. its a while now she hasnt communicated to me, n i havent either like a month... ? could it be regards to point 1 above or ? should i text her ?

4. she literally teared and heart brocken before i left for abroad. could that been a fake?

5. Does she think maybe or like other guys just assuming tried to date her for her wealthy family background ? which I'm totaly not into , infact i prefered if she was middle classed !!!

Im thinking of buying her something very nice & romantic when Im back but... is it worth it ?

Im soo confused
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Old 01-29-2015, 05:53 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,662,538 times
Reputation: 98359
Soooo ... You fell for her "deeply" based on cold, professional "hellos" in the hallway at work, then you had 1 tipsy conversation and a night of sex.

Then you left town and you were texting for a while but have not been in contact in a month???

Are you going back to where she is at some point?

If No, let it go.

If yes, no gifts. Ask her out when you get back but don't get too emotionally involved too soon.

We have no idea why she does what she does, and we could guess for eternity to no avail.
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Old 01-29-2015, 06:03 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,373 posts, read 24,354,101 times
Reputation: 17386
You're awfully suspicious for no real reason.

Yes, buy her a gift regardless. If you're close enough to have slept together, it's good to bring her something thoughtful, even if you don't get back together.

Buy several gifts that you can choose between, saving the leftovers for future girlfriends or your family members.
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Old 01-29-2015, 06:34 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma
535 posts, read 513,464 times
Reputation: 482
Quote:
Originally Posted by downground View Post

What confuses my head is:

1. she tried to be distant in our conversations... is this bcoz she scared she will fall deeply and get hurt ? n doesnt like long distance ?bcoz she did mention abt such a thing once...
Could be both. And also it's a very new relationship. I don't even know if it could be called a relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by downground View Post
2. she being single for this long..does it mean she got issues ?
I'm not saying she has no issues, she might, she might not, but I don't think this is any indication of her having issues.

Quote:
Originally Posted by downground View Post
3. its a while now she hasnt communicated to me, n i havent either like a month... ? could it be regards to point 1 above or ? should i text her ?
why haven't you texted her in a month??? Please answer that. If you really like this girl why no contact? I don't understand that. The only reasons I can think of for someone not to contact someone in this situation is because they physically cannot use their computer, phone,or the postal service, they're dead, or they lost interest. The first two definitely aren't true so ??? Yes if you are still interested, text her!
Quote:
Originally Posted by downground View Post
4. she literally teared and heart brocken before i left for abroad. could that been a fake?
I don't think so. I think she was/is really interested and saw something beginning with you that now had to be put on hold.
Quote:
Originally Posted by downground View Post
5. Does she think maybe or like other guys just assuming tried to date her for her wealthy family background ? which I'm totaly not into , infact i prefered if she was middle classed !!!
I don't see any evidence of that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by downground View Post
Im thinking of buying her something very nice & romantic when Im back but... is it worth it ?
do you think it is? I'm not sure what you mean. If you think she's worth it then yes, if you don't, then no. Why do you think she isn't worth it? If you do this, you MUST talk to her regularly. Start doing that like now.

When do you come back?
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Old 02-01-2015, 01:14 AM
 
12 posts, read 9,011 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Soooo ... You fell for her "deeply" based on cold, professional "hellos" in the hallway at work, then you had 1 tipsy conversation and a night of sex.

Then you left town and you were texting for a while but have not been in contact in a month???

Are you going back to where she is at some point?

If No, let it go.

If yes, no gifts. Ask her out when you get back but don't get too emotionally involved too soon.

We have no idea why she does what she does, and we could guess for eternity to no avail.
I dint fall for her based on cold hello etc. I genuinely liked her.. out of the bunch of chicks at work she was kind of "the-one" wife material. I mean a girl with above than average looks, very simple & yet very polite, professional, intelligent doesnt have those annoying girly traits.

Yes Im going back soon but will be back in the future to settle... i know.. that may be too late. I might just take my chances.. what the hell.. life screwed me up anyways . regardless
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Old 02-01-2015, 01:22 AM
 
12 posts, read 9,011 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
You're awfully suspicious for no real reason.

Yes, buy her a gift regardless. If you're close enough to have slept together, it's good to bring her something thoughtful, even if you don't get back together.

Buy several gifts that you can choose between, saving the leftovers for future girlfriends or your family members.
I will infact already did will just add some other stuff. Any ideas of gift u can give me ? lol i feel horribly wrong when i give a present to someone it was not meant to and make it pretend it was for them. Kind of making them a secondary cheap alternative

Sometimes I think I have issues with myself !! maybe advise me on this... girls become friendly with me even flirty but I just dont make a move / show sign of interest in them ! not because im shy or scared.. I can be a wolf to the right person. but instead because i may just endup sleeping with them and I will destroy their hopes of being with me. Some of them just get pissed off / ignore me. maybe any idea how to handle such situations ? dont wana loose cool friends

Last edited by downground; 02-01-2015 at 01:31 AM..
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Old 02-01-2015, 01:28 AM
 
12 posts, read 9,011 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by IfICould View Post
Could be both. And also it's a very new relationship. I don't even know if it could be called a relationship.

I'm not saying she has no issues, she might, she might not, but I don't think this is any indication of her having issues.

why haven't you texted her in a month??? Please answer that. If you really like this girl why no contact? I don't understand that. The only reasons I can think of for someone not to contact someone in this situation is because they physically cannot use their computer, phone,or the postal service, they're dead, or they lost interest. The first two definitely aren't true so ??? Yes if you are still interested, text her!
I don't think so. I think she was/is really interested and saw something beginning with you that now had to be put on hold.
I don't see any evidence of that.
do you think it is? I'm not sure what you mean. If you think she's worth it then yes, if you don't, then no. Why do you think she isn't worth it? If you do this, you MUST talk to her regularly. Start doing that like now.

When do you come back?
1. I havent texted her in a month becuase she hasnt texted me back and my mind tells me she doesnt like this idea maybe she will fall deeply and get hurt n i wont be there !! well i fell massivley for her already !

2. i will be back in a couple of months then will hopefully settle back there again within 1 - 2 years !!

crazy bubble the universe is ! wow.. the only thing u desire, u finally find after a long time.. u get it.. then u litterally have to watch with ur own body & soul slip away just because circumstances werent right

tough life the regret of a life time!
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Old 02-01-2015, 09:43 AM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,237,058 times
Reputation: 50368
Quote:
Originally Posted by downground View Post

What confuses my head is:

1. she tried to be distant in our conversations... is this bcoz she scared she will fall deeply and get hurt ? n doesnt like long distance ?bcoz she did mention abt such a thing once...

2. she being single for this long..does it mean she got issues ?

3. its a while now she hasnt communicated to me, n i havent either like a month... ? could it be regards to point 1 above or ? should i text her ?

4. she literally teared and heart brocken before i left for abroad. could that been a fake?

5. Does she think maybe or like other guys just assuming tried to date her for her wealthy family background ? which I'm totaly not into , infact i prefered if she was middle classed !!!

Im thinking of buying her something very nice & romantic when Im back but... is it worth it ?

Im soo confused
You messed up by chickening out and finally asking her out just before leaving the country...that way you figured it wouldn't hurt if she turned you down...right?

You're so shy but you immediately "end up' in bed with her? Not sure what you mean by "she showed traits of not knowing alot of stuff" - do you mean she's naive? I thought guys loved the innocent, virginal thing!?

Certainly don't fault her on the length of time since she's been in a relationship - it's been 18 months for yourself - why is it okay for you to be gunshy but she can't be? Or she can't be focused on school/job?

And why wouldn't she be cool since you're now out of the country...LDRs only work if you're already in a solid relationship that doesn't need "building" but you're "maintaining". You have nothing to maintain but a roll in the hay at this point.

No, don't buy her anything...go your merry way in your new location and remember, "he who hesitates is lost"...oh...or is it "faint heart never won fair lady"?
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Old 02-01-2015, 09:07 PM
 
12 posts, read 9,011 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
You messed up by chickening out and finally asking her out just before leaving the country...that way you figured it wouldn't hurt if she turned you down...right?

You're so shy but you immediately "end up' in bed with her? Not sure what you mean by "she showed traits of not knowing alot of stuff" - do you mean she's naive? I thought guys loved the innocent, virginal thing!?

Certainly don't fault her on the length of time since she's been in a relationship - it's been 18 months for yourself - why is it okay for you to be gunshy but she can't be? Or she can't be focused on school/job?

And why wouldn't she be cool since you're now out of the country...LDRs only work if you're already in a solid relationship that doesn't need "building" but you're "maintaining". You have nothing to maintain but a roll in the hay at this point.

No, don't buy her anything...go your merry way in your new location and remember, "he who hesitates is lost"...oh...or is it "faint heart never won fair lady"?

well thanks for you input u really know how to nail somebody down !! wow !

yes I meant shy , innnocent, virginal ..whataver (nt expirienced) unless maybe she was pretending it ?!! it could be a possibility. and yes i prefer a chick who is kind of experienced dont want virgins... as i said previously.. sometimes I think I may issues within myself !!
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