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Old 01-30-2015, 01:49 PM
 
Location: My House
33,057 posts, read 26,870,396 times
Reputation: 24400

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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
Meaning I am not looking to put that kind of pressure on a man that does not want to be a father figure.
There wouldn't be any pressure if you didn't want him to be a daddy.

That was my point. In my own situation, my husband is a wonderful stepdad, but he was friends with the kids first. He earned their caring and respect, and he really doesn't even try to "parent" the eldest, because he was already out of high school by the time my husband and I married. My husband is the head of this house, no doubt about that.

He parents my youngest child the absolute most. In that he's more involved in active decisions on the spur of the moment instead of deliberative ones that we make together behind the scenes for all of them.

At the end of the day, your kids need a stable parent. If you are it, they'll be fine. You, as an adult human being, need a companion. You might even desire a spouse. But, hunting for a daddy is the wrong way to go about this search of yours.

In fact, men who are itching to be one (to someone else's children) are probably in it so they can dominate little people. That's a bad move. A man who is WILLING to do it because he loves you is an entirely different manner. And they don't usually make those decisions rashly, if they're worth letting into your childrens' lives.
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Old 01-30-2015, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Denver and Boston
1,702 posts, read 1,435,882 times
Reputation: 3453
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedZin View Post

There's an entitlement mentality at play there. People pick up on stuff like that. THAT is probably why she's not successful at dating, assuming all her other posts about herself and her kids are honest.
Yes, an entitlement mentaliity is the core issue. I do not think it originates with the assistance or how she grew up. I think the entitlement mentality originates with the fact that she has been a very attractive woman her entire life, as such she never had to compromise regarding whom she had relationships with. She formed a world view where every man that was not attractive to her was a "loser". Now that she is 35 and has 2 kids her relative marketability has dropped sharply, she is presented with a paradigm shift now that she is unable to process, the only men that will LTR her now are the "losers" she would have never dated in her 20s.
 
Old 01-30-2015, 02:32 PM
 
10,026 posts, read 8,856,225 times
Reputation: 5888
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Dear Illinois politicians:

This chick on the Internet says she gets food stamps, but she has multiple houses and cars and takes her children on two-week cruises. I don't know where she's from because she won't say, but I think this is totally not fair or right, so please do something.

Sincerely,
Julia
She is from Illinois? I wish I was surprised but am not because this state has its priorities messed up when it comes to welfare. It cuts funding for elderly and disabled but people like her get more and more. It's why so many are leaning Republican more and more.
 
Old 01-30-2015, 02:38 PM
 
758 posts, read 872,923 times
Reputation: 1056
Already tried dating a single mom...NEVER again.

No kids for me unless they're my own.
 
Old 01-30-2015, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
2,391 posts, read 1,710,263 times
Reputation: 1915
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert5 View Post
Yes, an entitlement mentaliity is the core issue. I do not think it originates with the assistance or how she grew up. I think the entitlement mentality originates with the fact that she has been a very attractive woman her entire life, as such she never had to compromise regarding whom she had relationships with. She formed a world view where every man that was not attractive to her was a "loser". Now that she is 35 and has 2 kids her relative marketability has dropped sharply, she is presented with a paradigm shift now that she is unable to process, the only men that will LTR her now are the "losers" she would have never dated in her 20s.
You know, I didn't even think about it this way. But it's an interesting perspective.
 
Old 01-30-2015, 02:39 PM
 
10,026 posts, read 8,856,225 times
Reputation: 5888
So what is wrong with the two men you friendzoned?

Last edited by Idon'tdateyou; 01-30-2015 at 02:56 PM.. Reason: Oops, wrong word
 
Old 01-30-2015, 02:52 PM
 
Location: My House
33,057 posts, read 26,870,396 times
Reputation: 24400
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur View Post
You know, I didn't even think about it this way. But it's an interesting perspective.
You're new enough to have missed me post this same thing months ago.

I do agree that that's part of it.

I considered it because my mom was single for a good part of my formative years and I watched her do the same thing.

She even married a guy who she never would've dated when she was in her 20s, as my dad and my mom's first husband (along with the guys she dated up until she married hubby number 3) were really good looking guys.

But, my mom was freshly turned 30 with a 9 yo and a boy who was 5 almost 6 who was a holy terror of a kid.

And she didn't collect entitlements. My dad paid child support, but it wasn't the fat check most of her friends received, even though he had a great job.

In short, she needed a man to provide for all of us and that's what she married. He was a good guy and us kids loved him, but they were doomed from the start, because it was a marriage of convenience. He had money and means and that's what she wanted.

Anyway... it's how it rolls with some women, I reckon.
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Old 01-30-2015, 03:10 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,973,454 times
Reputation: 42369
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
She is from Illinois? I wish I was surprised but am not because this state has its priorities messed up when it comes to welfare. It cuts funding for elderly and disabled but people like her get more and more. It's why so many are leaning Republican more and more.
No, I am.
 
Old 01-30-2015, 03:14 PM
 
8,224 posts, read 6,552,131 times
Reputation: 8509
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
She is from Illinois? I wish I was surprised but am not because this state has its priorities messed up when it comes to welfare. It cuts funding for elderly and disabled but people like her get more and more. It's why so many are leaning Republican more and more.
I would agree but I know just as many self proclaimed republicans in this area who do the same behavioirs as this women would do. The only difference is in how they justify their behavioir

The issue isn't about what side you (mostly) land on unfortunatly, if only it was that simple

On topic: Red is right in the money.

Last edited by rego00123; 01-30-2015 at 03:34 PM.. Reason: Wrong quote.
 
Old 01-30-2015, 04:07 PM
 
10,026 posts, read 8,856,225 times
Reputation: 5888
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123 View Post
I would agree but I know just as many self proclaimed republicans in this area who do the same behavioirs as this women would do. The only difference is in how they justify their behavioir

The issue isn't about what side you (mostly) land on unfortunatly, if only it was that simple

On topic: Red is right in the money.
Oh I agree, but there is this perception (wrong or right)that Democrats are more in line with welfare. I agree both parties are like this. I believe her failing at dating is because she wants more than she offers. People usually want people like them in terms of morals, etc.
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