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Old 01-31-2015, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
27,595 posts, read 17,689,431 times
Reputation: 40031

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I have a friend how is a single Mom (daughter 13) she dates all the time, and seems to quite in demand. It doesn't hurt that she is smart, beautiful and has a good career. She really wants to get married, but that has happened yet, guys seem to on a 3 month rotation. The problem isn't that she has a daughter though.

She only dates those times she doesn't have her daughter.
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Old 01-31-2015, 08:51 AM
 
6,911 posts, read 3,749,427 times
Reputation: 4613
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedZin View Post
You don't get it.

A smart man who has it together will NOT date (or marry) a woman with kids unless he has the means to help support them. It's great that you feel you'd still be supporting your kids if you got married again. But, any guy worth his salt will not make that leap unless he's got his financial house in order.

This may explain another part of your problem dating. Most of those mechanic types you like (in the age range you want) are either already married or rejects. You could find an older one that's decent, but you don't want that. If you're as attractive as you say, you could probably find a much younger one, too.

The range you want is full of already marrieds and single ones who want a woman with no kids so they can have some together.
I won't need a man to support the kids and I, because I would not even comingle money with someone. His risk of supporting me would be slim if we never share a bank account. I own two houses that are considered premarital assets as long as I never comingle money. I would never take the risk of losing half my assets in order to share funds.

Yes lots of men are already married in my age range. And you may very well be right about men wanting a woman without kids. So the dating world and I are in a standoff until I find the right one that supports my decision to not ever become a single parent of three kids.
 
Old 01-31-2015, 08:56 AM
 
6,911 posts, read 3,749,427 times
Reputation: 4613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
I have a friend how is a single Mom (daughter 13) she dates all the time, and seems to quite in demand. It doesn't hurt that she is smart, beautiful and has a good career. She really wants to get married, but that has happened yet, guys seem to on a 3 month rotation. The problem isn't that she has a daughter though.

She only dates those times she doesn't have her daughter.
I have gone on lots of dates. It is not like I am not in demand. I quit dating though the first of the year. I turn dates down now.
 
Old 01-31-2015, 08:58 AM
 
Location: My House
33,120 posts, read 26,931,353 times
Reputation: 24462
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
I won't need a man to support the kids and I, because I would not even comingle money with someone. His risk of supporting me would be slim if we never share a bank account. I own two houses that are considered premarital assets as long as I never comingle money. I would never take the risk of losing half my assets in order to share funds.

Yes lots of men are already married in my age range. And you may very well be right about men wanting a woman without kids. So the dating world and I are in a standoff until I find the right one that supports my decision to not ever become a single parent of three kids.
What happens if you get married and lose your job or become unable to work?

Do things like that never occur to you? They occur to decent, eligible bachelors. In a scenario like that, a woman who already has 2 kids is a huge financial liability. Especially two younger kids. Just something else to consider.

My husband and I don't really comingle our accounts. We have some shared credit cards, but most of ours are separate. We have a joint bank account that we use for transferring money back and forth to one another. We've had it since we were dating. That's it.

Still, I have no doubt that he factored in the possibility of having to support me and the kids by himself at some point. Even if for a brief period of time.
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Old 01-31-2015, 11:24 AM
 
10,026 posts, read 8,866,089 times
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It's also to point out that many men who don't have kids don't want to deal with anyone else's nor do they want their own. I know several men like that who look for women who don't want kids or already have them. With the economy I am seeing a lot of these men.
 
Old 01-31-2015, 11:41 AM
 
1,287 posts, read 890,644 times
Reputation: 1716
When did a single mom become undesirable? IMO single mothers are great, because they have their child to focus on. They are more mature, and won't demand 100% of my time. Single mothers, are very appreciative to a man who treats them with respect. Because a child commands their attention, a guy has to be tolerant to last minute cancellations, or prior commitments that are child based. However, because her life centers around her child, whenever she is able to get away, and enjoy adult conversation, she will more than compensate you for your patience and understanding. Rejecting a woman because of a child is just another excuse among many, that men will use to take themselves out of the game. In truth, you will never meet someone as appreciative to a good guy, then a mother.

IMO, that guys who reject all single mothers, are guys who are very sensitive and needy for her attention. Knowing a mother will put him below her child on the priority list, will create turmoil. So it's of no loss, since he wouldn't be someone who could bear being number two, when in his mind he is entitled to be number one.
 
Old 01-31-2015, 12:29 PM
 
4,230 posts, read 5,747,397 times
Reputation: 10032
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
Matt Damon married a single mom.
Given his extreme liberalism to the point where you have to wonder if he has lead posioning he's a beta.

Gone are the days where the some kids hit 18 and they're gone. I mean you could end up with a 24 year old kid still in the basement that eats up all your potato chips
 
Old 01-31-2015, 01:27 PM
 
32,778 posts, read 22,726,695 times
Reputation: 29800
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fargobound View Post
Given his extreme liberalism to the point where you have to wonder if he has lead posioning he's a beta.

I'm not sure which is greater. The humor of this post, or the stupidity.
 
Old 01-31-2015, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,954 posts, read 5,948,676 times
Reputation: 3236
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
i'm not sure which is greater. The humor of this post, or the stupidity.
+1
 
Old 01-31-2015, 01:27 PM
 
214 posts, read 195,801 times
Reputation: 195
Single mums are desirable, it's just that most guys expect to be a pretend "daddy" to these children, and most of the time it's not what the single mums are looking for in a prospective partner. Let us be honest here, everyone likes to be desired by the opposite sex and single mums aren't any different. I have dated a single mother before; granted, it was when i was at a low point in life and she wanted attention.

I knew that i didn't want kids and she was fine with that; we had a casual arrangement and it was great. The child was only young at the time, so she would invite me over on weekends and the occasional weeknight when her kid was in bed or with the baby's dad on a weekend. It just depends what you want in the long term. If you want to be a dad and you're okay being in another man's child's life, then by all means go for it, but if you don't think it will work, you need to be honest from the start and decide if you should go separate ways and stay friends with benefits (or another arrangement) or make it work.
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