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Old 01-31-2015, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,954 posts, read 5,944,142 times
Reputation: 3236

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Quote:
Originally Posted by California_Aspirer View Post
Single mums are desirable, it's just that most guys expect to be a pretend "daddy" to these children, and most of the time it's not what the single mums are looking for in a prospective partner. Let us be honest here, everyone likes to be desired by the opposite sex and single mums aren't any different. I have dated a single mother before; granted, it was when i was at a low point in life and she wanted attention.

I knew that i didn't want kids and she was fine with that; we had a casual arrangement and it was great. The child was only young at the time, so she would invite me over on weekends and the occasional weeknight when her kid was in bed or with the baby's dad on a weekend. It just depends what you want in the long term. If you want to be a dad and you're okay being in another man's child's life, then by all means go for it, but if you don't think it will work, you need to be honest from the start and decide if you should go separate ways and stay friends with benefits (or another arrangement) or make it work.
And it is this mentality that perpetuates the idea that single moms are just a pump n dump.

If you keep her around for the physical benefits, but she has the idea in her head that maybe you'll "come around to liking her more" if she keeps the gig going ... She's putting focus on you when she really needs to be forgetting you and moving on while you're taking advantage of her.

If she's cool with a FWB thing, more power to you both. But some women come to believe that a FWB is all they are worth and the best they can hope for because they get sucked into it by a man that doesn't really want them. Self esteem is a tough cookie for many single parents.

 
Old 01-31-2015, 01:45 PM
 
214 posts, read 195,008 times
Reputation: 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragon_fly_12 View Post
And it is this mentality that perpetuates the idea that single moms are just a pump n dump.

If you keep her around for the physical benefits, but she has the idea in her head that maybe you'll "come around to liking her more" if she keeps the gig going ... She's putting focus on you when she really needs to be forgetting you and moving on while you're taking advantage of her.

If she's cool with a FWB thing, more power to you both. But some women come to believe that a FWB is all they are worth and the best they can hope for because they get sucked into it by a man that doesn't really want them. Self esteem is a tough cookie for many single parents.
That's why i said it's better to be upfront and talk about what you both want. I understand that single mums don't have a ton of options, especially young single mums who have very young children. It is hard because a lot of guys feel that it's "weak" or "desperate" to date a single mother instead of someone without kids.

If she wants to move on and find someone else, she is welcome to. However, there will be times when she maybe just wants physical contact and some company as I understand how lonely it must be to be a single mother who's days can be tedious, tiring and lonesome. That really doesn't have to mean that the guy doesn't respect her or care, or is using her.
 
Old 02-11-2015, 08:48 AM
 
252 posts, read 245,956 times
Reputation: 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
All this talk of single moms being undateable and undesirable...

Will it always be the case for single moms? Do you ever become desirable again in the dating pool?
Few men want to get stuck supporting someone else's seed. Period. End of story.

I will give my money to my nephews and nieces before I would ever give it to someone else's kid.
 
Old 02-11-2015, 09:31 AM
 
376 posts, read 234,094 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragon_fly_12 View Post
And it is this mentality that perpetuates the idea that single moms are just a pump n dump.

If you keep her around for the physical benefits, but she has the idea in her head that maybe you'll "come around to liking her more" if she keeps the gig going ... She's putting focus on you when she really needs to be forgetting you and moving on while you're taking advantage of her.

If she's cool with a FWB thing, more power to you both. But some women come to believe that a FWB is all they are worth and the best they can hope for because they get sucked into it by a man that doesn't really want them. Self esteem is a tough cookie for many single parents.

Why is the bolded the man's fault?
 
Old 02-11-2015, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Sango, TN
24,889 posts, read 20,311,199 times
Reputation: 8606
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
All this talk of single moms being undateable and undesirable...

Will it always be the case for single moms? Do you ever become desirable again in the dating pool?
You'd better be really good looking, pay for your own crap, and have a job.

Simple, but true.

When I was dating regularly many women, the fact is, most single moms I dated complained about not being able to pay their bills, they complained about how their ex's had nothing to do with the kids.

These are turn offs, especially if you aren't a 9 or 10 on the hot scale.

So yeah, there are many reasons why single moms have a hard time dating. I know its hard, to raise two kids, pay bills, work a 40 hr week, make ends meet, and everything a single mom does. But put yourself in the mans position.

If I had no children, do I want to raise another mans child? If she can't manage her funds, is she simply after me to take care of her and her kids? Are there other options for women who don't have children who I can pick up and have my own kids with?

Now I'm a single dad, so I thought nothing of dating single mothers. However, if you were complaining about money non stop, and how hard life is, I don't want to hear that. I was out for a partner, not another mouth/mouths to feed.
 
Old 02-11-2015, 10:24 AM
 
366 posts, read 294,253 times
Reputation: 876
Every single mom I know is dating someone. So like 4 lol. But none of them are smoking hot and they have no problem pulling in nice guys.
 
Old 02-11-2015, 11:04 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
20,014 posts, read 20,514,746 times
Reputation: 20369
Quote:
Originally Posted by rumpa View Post
Every single mom I know is dating someone. So like 4 lol. But none of them are smoking hot and they have no problem pulling in nice guys.
That's my experience as well, but I've know way more, know many guys who date/married single moms and was one myself. I think if a single mom is having such difficulty dating its for a reason other than having children.

Not wanting to be involved with the difficulties of such responsibility is a different story but as for the type of men who feel repulsed by "someone else's seed" they aren't in the running anyway. Who would be attracted to that type attitude.
 
Old 02-11-2015, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Terra
2,827 posts, read 3,051,663 times
Reputation: 3331
Quote:
Originally Posted by rumpa View Post
Every single mom I know is dating someone. So like 4 lol. But none of them are smoking hot and they have no problem pulling in nice guys.
Key word, nice guys aka betas.
 
Old 02-11-2015, 11:21 AM
 
366 posts, read 294,253 times
Reputation: 876
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsun556 View Post
Key word, nice guys aka betas.
Nice guys aka normal people aka a reasonably attractive man with a job who treats her well.

Why would any mother want to date "alphas" aka a man with an over inflated idea of his self worth aka an a hole? No one would want their kids exposed to that.

Normal people dating other normal people.
 
Old 02-11-2015, 11:26 AM
 
Location: San Bernandino, CA
245 posts, read 162,361 times
Reputation: 324
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsun556 View Post
Key word, nice guys aka betas.
Jeez here we go with the alpha/beta labels again... get over yourself...
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