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Old 02-11-2015, 11:29 AM
 
366 posts, read 294,627 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by California_Aspirer View Post
That's why i said it's better to be upfront and talk about what you both want. I understand that single mums don't have a ton of options, especially young single mums who have very young children. It is hard because a lot of guys feel that it's "weak" or "desperate" to date a single mother instead of someone without kids.

If she wants to move on and find someone else, she is welcome to. However, there will be times when she maybe just wants physical contact and some company as I understand how lonely it must be to be a single mother who's days can be tedious, tiring and lonesome. That really doesn't have to mean that the guy doesn't respect her or care, or is using her.
She should be kissing your feet for blessing her with your presence (er, appendage). What are you gonna do if you knock her up?

 
Old 02-11-2015, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Terra
2,827 posts, read 3,055,224 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rumpa View Post

Why would any mother want to date "alphas" aka a man with an over inflated idea of his self worth aka an a hole? No one would want their kids exposed to that.

Normal people dating other normal people.
This argument is invalid, as alpha guys don't date single moms...
 
Old 02-11-2015, 12:33 PM
 
865 posts, read 883,152 times
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Q: When do single moms become desirable again in dating?
A: In 1999, right after the first "American Pie" movie came out and a term "MILF" was popularized.
 
Old 02-11-2015, 01:04 PM
 
6,827 posts, read 4,420,233 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rumpa View Post
Every single mom I know is dating someone. So like 4 lol. But none of them are smoking hot and they have no problem pulling in nice guys.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
That's my experience as well, but I've know way more, know many guys who date/married single moms and was one myself. I think if a single mom is having such difficulty dating its for a reason other than having children.
I've also observed this. in online dating, some 95% of the women in the 35-45 age bracket in my area have children. This isn't some random or exaggerated statistic, but the result of my running screens on POF (it's harder to do this on OKC). If 95% of the available dating-pool consists of single-moms, presumably within such a huge majority there are substantial variations, and most do comparatively well.

In fact I've found that it was the non-moms who tend to have various emotional hangups, broken lives, financial devastation, and other factors likely attenuating their appeal. Or to speak more colloquially: in my area, women who have not reproduced have "something wrong with them". All "normal" women - women who were desirable to men - have children. Thus those who for philosophical and/or logistical reasons avoid single-moms (persons such as me) are not only limiting themselves to a very small pool, but to an, ahem, "undesirable" pool.

One hears that things are different in cities and on the coasts....
 
Old 02-11-2015, 01:08 PM
 
10,026 posts, read 8,863,169 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post
I've also observed this. in online dating, some 95% of the women in the 35-45 age bracket in my area have children. This isn't some random or exaggerated statistic, but the result of my running screens on POF (it's harder to do this on OKC). If 95% of the available dating-pool consists of single-moms, presumably within such a huge majority there are substantial variations, and most do comparatively well.

In fact I've found that it was the non-moms who tend to have various emotional hangups, broken lives, financial devastation, and other factors likely attenuating their appeal. Or to speak more colloquially: in my area, women who have not reproduced have "something wrong with them". All "normal" women - women who were desirable to men - have children. Thus those who for philosophical and/or logistical reasons avoid single-moms (persons such as me) are not only limiting themselves to a very small pool, but to an, ahem, "undesirable" pool.

One hears that things are different in cities and on the coasts....
You may need to move then. I know lots of people without kids even older than that age. Some wanted kids and never had them and others never did. They tend to be the most financially secure. The ones I saw on dating sites seemed to be single parents with lots of drama and financial troubles. It has to do with areas as I tended to look in urban and suburban areas.
 
Old 02-11-2015, 01:47 PM
 
6,827 posts, read 4,420,233 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
You may need to move then. I know lots of people without kids even older than that age. Some wanted kids and never had them and others never did. They tend to be the most financially secure. The ones I saw on dating sites seemed to be single parents with lots of drama and financial troubles. It has to do with areas as I tended to look in urban and suburban areas.
There is indeed much geographic variation. Even though my immediate locale is rural, impoverished and benighted, out local city (and especially the distant anchor-city) has many thriving professionals. Some are public-sector executives. Some are academics, businessmen, entrepreneurs. We do OK. However, there is a remarkably strong correlation between 1950s-style family traditionalism and financial/career success. In my organization, nearly all of our younger employees engineers, in some cases with MSE degrees or even PhDs married in their 20s and immediately started producing children. Young people who stayed in school, got good grades and landed good jobs, marry almost immediately after graduation, buy a house with the proverbial white picket fence, and start reproducing.

To reiterate, not everyone is a meth-head. Not everyone is illiterate, obese, chain-smoking, living out of a station-wagon on cinderblocks, with a felony-record and a fistful of DUIs. Not everyone has 3 babies from 3 different daddies. We have a strong contingent of successful, thriving people. But nearly all are married, with kids. Few divorce. And those who do, well, they already have kids. Meanwhile, our child-free population seems to be replete with drugs, abuse, mental illness, and other scourges. In this setting, the single mom looks more sane, more secure, more appealing and more ready to date. Except for those of us who are child-free, that is.
 
Old 02-11-2015, 02:09 PM
 
10,026 posts, read 8,863,169 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post
There is indeed much geographic variation. Even though my immediate locale is rural, impoverished and benighted, out local city (and especially the distant anchor-city) has many thriving professionals. Some are public-sector executives. Some are academics, businessmen, entrepreneurs. We do OK. However, there is a remarkably strong correlation between 1950s-style family traditionalism and financial/career success. In my organization, nearly all of our younger employees engineers, in some cases with MSE degrees or even PhDs married in their 20s and immediately started producing children. Young people who stayed in school, got good grades and landed good jobs, marry almost immediately after graduation, buy a house with the proverbial white picket fence, and start reproducing.

To reiterate, not everyone is a meth-head. Not everyone is illiterate, obese, chain-smoking, living out of a station-wagon on cinderblocks, with a felony-record and a fistful of DUIs. Not everyone has 3 babies from 3 different daddies. We have a strong contingent of successful, thriving people. But nearly all are married, with kids. Few divorce. And those who do, well, they already have kids. Meanwhile, our child-free population seems to be replete with drugs, abuse, mental illness, and other scourges. In this setting, the single mom looks more sane, more secure, more appealing and more ready to date. Except for those of us who are child-free, that is.
That is the opposite here where people marry late (or not at all)and the professionals either don't have kids or had them later. Not many traditional families here either. I wonder if it is connected to standards of living since that is so high here.
 
Old 02-11-2015, 02:52 PM
 
252 posts, read 246,270 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rumpa View Post
Every single mom I know is dating someone. So like 4 lol. But none of them are smoking hot and they have no problem pulling in nice guys.
They may be dating, they may be someone's booty call, but guys are not keen on supporting some other mans kids. That is biology, psychology and human nature all rolled into one. The way I pictured my life never had someone else's kids in tow. Blood is thicker than water!!!
 
Old 02-11-2015, 02:57 PM
 
366 posts, read 294,627 times
Reputation: 876
Quote:
Originally Posted by WheresTheBeef View Post
They may be dating, they may be someone's booty call, but guys are not keen on supporting some other mans kids. That is biology, psychology and human nature all rolled into one.
Then why are so many of these men bonding with these kids and willingly providing for them?

They aren't being tricked or used, they want to be a part of the family. Obviously that path is not for everyone, but I think you're wrong when you assert that no man will willingly raise another man's child.

Just say "Not for me." and leave it there.
 
Old 02-11-2015, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Terra
2,827 posts, read 3,055,224 times
Reputation: 3331
Quote:
Originally Posted by WheresTheBeef View Post
They may be dating, they may be someone's booty call, but guys are not keen on supporting some other mans kids. That is biology, psychology and human nature all rolled into one. The way I pictured my life never had someone else's kids in tow. Blood is thicker than water!!!
It's sad that some people don't understand this basic concept. Instead we are shunned as selfish or something similar.
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