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I think men would change their view of single moms if there was the right women to change their mind. So in my experience, it depends on the women, not the situation.
IMHO, most single moms will say their children come first. So its only logical, that a man comes down the priority list, unless she needs money. But, she's only going to be interested in you as a wallet, babysitter, and gardener/maid/handiman.
It is this kind of stigma that makes those of us in the single parent category avoid dating entirely. I'm not interested in all of the above that you feel I am interested in for a prospective man - however, I am also not interested in competing with your preconceived notion of what you assume I am interested in.
It is this kind of stigma that makes those of us in the single parent category avoid dating entirely. I'm not interested in all of the above that you feel I am interested in for a prospective man - however, I am also not interested in competing with your preconceived notion of what you assume I am interested in.
So your child doesn't come first?
One of the reasons I won't date single moms is that no matter what, I will never be a priority in the family structure. I will always be "second place." It's similar to feeling like the backup plan when she decides she wants to date someone else. I, unlike some guys, don't settle for being second fiddle.
That's because you evidently haven't gotten close to marrying one. The deeper you get into the relationship, the more you become brainwashed into paying for them.
First it's pizza and ice cream, then it's the baseball and soccer leagues... and then college tuition.
Speaking from experience?
Because the jump from soccer league age to college age is quite a gap.
One of the reasons I won't date single moms is that no matter what, I will never be a priority in the family structure. I will always be "second place." It's similar to feeling like the backup plan when she decides she wants to date someone else. I, unlike some guys, don't settle for being second fiddle.
I have several priorities in my life:
- being the best parent I can be so that my child is the most well prepared for adult life as possible
(and then a productive member of society if I did my job right)
- keeping a roof over my head
- maintaining an income
- keeping my bills paid
- enjoying my life
- succeeding in life
- taking care of my friends and family as they do for me
All of these items I am doing just fine without relying on a man (or aide). I am my own bread winner, thank you. If someone else joys me for my journey through life, great. They will have a fulfilling experience.
However, I don't need a man child that is so self centered to believe that my life needs to revolve around him and his needs. And by claiming he'll be second fiddle, that is the message he is sending.
Truth is, there is no shortage of men who will date a single mom (I am living proof... I am a single mom due to divorce. I've had more dates in the past three years than I did in the dozen years I was trying to date before I was married). Most of the men interested are single dads due (which makes sense most men 35+ who are single are divorced and many have kids too) I only dated two men who had no kids.
Don't worry about who won't date you. No matter who you are in life there are lots of people who aren't interested in you at all for whatever reason. That happens to everyone. Focus on the ones who will date you and forget the rest, it's not worth fretting over them.
All that said, dating as a single mom is a challenge. The biggest challenge is that (if you have younger kids) it's harder to be spontaneous and you have less free time, but I also wonder how many people (other than those with no obligations in life) can truly be spontaneous all the time and have a lot of time on their hands to date.
My biggest hangup is I haven't met anyone yet on the same page as me (I meet a lot of men interested in marriage, but I am not interested in marrying again). So I end up feeling like I am wasting time with random men when I could be spending more time with my child. I do 100% of my dating when my daughter is with her dad... but the same men will call every evening when we aren't on a fate and want to talk and such, and that's usually homework time, family dinner time, etc and it pulls me away from that.
One of the reasons I won't date single moms is that no matter what, I will never be a priority in the family structure. I will always be "second place." It's similar to feeling like the backup plan when she decides she wants to date someone else. I, unlike some guys, don't settle for being second fiddle.
She is with you on the date. For that date, your the priority. She has sacrificed time with the child to be with you. How are you second fiddle?
Then in a more mature relationship with a single mom, she has decided to be in a relationship with you, adding you as a more fixed priority. Again, not exactly second fiddle here. To grow a healthy relationship, she will be dedicating time and effort to growing the relationship with you.
Really, this becomes like a couple who had a child together. When the child is born, the husband doesn't just go to the back burner. They recognize a new priority in their lives, and in addition, recognize the importance to put time and effort into making sure their own relationship grows and remains a priority.
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