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Old 01-29-2015, 11:49 AM
 
Location: NY
9,011 posts, read 14,244,168 times
Reputation: 11370

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeSmith357 View Post
The rest of your post was well said and accurate, but this last point I have to disagree to some extent based on what I have seen from others.

A lot of time the child DOES come an overwhelming priority to the point that one or both partners cannot cope, and divorce eventually ensues...

Whether it's the woman's fault for not giving the husband enough attention, or the man's fault for having "too high" expectations after a child... it's irrelevant, but it does happen, and is quite common.

I was going to post to him "what do you think happens when your OWN CHILD is born"...


I think he is hung up on the "it's not my child, so I don't care, have zero responsibility for "IT" attitude", but he just might be completely selfish and ill fit to be a parent or have any living thing in his responsibility
I see your point. I was looking at it more from the standpoint of a couple in a healthy relationship which would mirror growing a relationship with someone who already has a child. Unmet expectations do occur when a child is born and can lead to problems. However, I would contend also that a lot of those unmet expectations, problems, etc, when they lead to divorce, are usually present before the child was born anyway and the added obligation tips something the situation over the edge. However, the relevance to that in dating a single parent is minimal, as the relationship starting out with a child around won't reach that kind of sudden tipping point for problems.

But no doubt, having a baby does put a strain on a couple and can lead to them having problems with their own relationship.

I think his attitude is just that he has no desire to deal with someone else's child in any capacity. Maybe I would go so far as to say he does not like children (or at least thats my impression). Thats perfectly fine and therefore dating a child is not for him. He just doesn't need to create some kind of justification for that feeling about being second fiddle or whatever.

 
Old 01-29-2015, 11:52 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,737 posts, read 5,658,230 times
Reputation: 7346
My sister just had a baby girl, and she has a bf. The dad bailed on her because he didn't want to be a dad smh.
 
Old 01-29-2015, 11:58 AM
 
376 posts, read 234,773 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckodeirish View Post
But do the math, if she had them when she was 21-26, now they are gone- she would be possibly mid to late 40's depending on when they launched out of the "living at home" situation.
According to my male friends and colleagues (I'm female and single no kids) at about 45 women are not really desirable anymore, as they say "they've hit their expiration date".

So single moms would have a better chance dating when the kids are younger maybe?
Well, harsh as it may sound, she shouldn't have become a single mother. I know this OP had one man die (husband?) which is unfortunate and probably out of her control. But then she had another child with a different man while unmarried...bad move.

With the bolded, that is a resounding NO. The least desirable women inside the single mom delineation are the ones with very young children.

Even a lot of men who are willing to date some single moms will shy away from those with toddlers. Can't say I blame them...minefield.
 
Old 01-29-2015, 12:16 PM
 
366 posts, read 295,223 times
Reputation: 876
This thread is... sad? Slightly amusing? I'm not even sure.

I am dying to know the ages of the posters who are most vocal with the single mom bashing.

I totally get "I don't like kids so I wouldn't date a single mom" or "too much work" responses, but the "she's gonna steal your money" "single moms are this and that" and "expiration date" posts are pretty ridiculous.

And what in the world is a beta male??
 
Old 01-29-2015, 12:19 PM
 
Location: Northern VA (for now)
23,039 posts, read 32,029,108 times
Reputation: 30458
My mom had no trouble getting dates after her and my father divorced as a single mom. So some guys found her desirable.

Will I date a single mom? HELL NO. Not because of the fact she is a mom. Because I hate children.
 
Old 01-29-2015, 12:41 PM
 
Location: North Shore Long Island
7,736 posts, read 13,990,144 times
Reputation: 10544
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
My mom had no trouble getting dates after her and my father divorced as a single mom. So some guys found her desirable.

Will I date a single mom? HELL NO. Not because of the fact she is a mom. Because I hate children.
"Hate"? Such a strong word. Children are such nasty, evil little things!!! They're out to bring you down and eventually rule the world!!!
 
Old 01-29-2015, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Terra
2,827 posts, read 3,061,939 times
Reputation: 3331
Quote:
Originally Posted by rumpa View Post
This thread is... sad? Slightly amusing? I'm not even sure.

I am dying to know the ages of the posters who are most vocal with the single mom bashing.

I totally get "I don't like kids so I wouldn't date a single mom" or "too much work" responses, but the "she's gonna steal your money" "single moms are this and that" and "expiration date" posts are pretty ridiculous.

And what in the world is a beta male??
I am not bashing single moms. I know a lot of them and respect what they go through. I just won't commit to them. They are some of the most fun and grounded people I know.

A beta male is a doormat and yes-man. Not as bad as a beta orbiter though.
 
Old 01-29-2015, 01:22 PM
 
26 posts, read 21,524 times
Reputation: 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeSmith357 View Post
So here's a question, have you actually done it before or are you just spouting BS?

Coming from a guy who has dated several, and currently IS dating a single (albeit divorced) mom, I can attest that there is the possibility of drama, but I think that is overrated, and is the exception than the rule.

And if the kid hates you, it's probably because you dont treat him/her right, or just are not fit to be a parent

I'm also guessing all of you saying stuff like this are in your early 20's and self proclaimed "alpha" males who are proud of that label, to the point where you have a pin or something, right?

I don't buy into the bullcrap of Alpha and Beta nonsense. I'm not in my 20's either. I can tell you're the perfect white knight that a desperate woman needs. Have fun being apart of an invite only family where you can be de-invited at the drop of a pin. Sometimes, kids are seriously screwed up by divorces, especially nasty ones that alienate the father. I treat single moms just as I would smokers, I don't touch them with a 10 foot pole. I don't want to raise another man's child, that is what simps do.

Guys like you can have them.
 
Old 01-29-2015, 01:38 PM
 
Location: My House
33,208 posts, read 26,992,564 times
Reputation: 24527
Quote:
Originally Posted by Firecross View Post
I don't buy into the bullcrap of Alpha and Beta nonsense. I'm not in my 20's either. I can tell you're the perfect white knight that a desperate woman needs. Have fun being apart of an invite only family where you can be de-invited at the drop of a pin. Sometimes, kids are seriously screwed up by divorces, especially nasty ones that alienate the father. I treat single moms just as I would smokers, I don't touch them with a 10 foot pole. I don't want to raise another man's child, that is what simps do.

Guys like you can have them.
That's incredibly harsh. What you are really saying is that you don't want to raise a kid. Even if you had your own kid, you wouldn't really want to raise it, you'd just be looking to "extend your bloodline."

I say this because there are plenty of good, decent men who are great stepdads and great adoptive fathers.

Men who adopt kids don't have "their own kid" any more than men who are stepfathers.

This sort of attitude comes from a place of assuming that children are burdens and they'll cost you money that you would rather use someplace else.

You cannot say that a woman isn't going to have a decent career and income just because she's a single mother. I made more than my (now ex) husband made when I divorced him. By a sizable margin. My current husband (who is most assuredly NOT a "simp") makes more than I do, but he's not my sugar daddy and I don't count on him to pay for anything for the kids. He's a great stepdad and he is a wonderful husband. We do things together, just the two of us, and we do things with the kids.

He's known my kids for nearly 10 years now, and they've gotten older, so obviously it just gets easier and easier for us to spend time doing things as a couple, but honestly he WANTS to do stuff with the kids. We're a family.

It's nice.

I suppose it helps a great deal that my ex isn't father of the year and I never speak to him and he's just not a part of our lives aside from the scheduled times he sees the kids.

I think that if a woman can avoid drama with the ex and is a stable provider for her kids, while making TIME for a partner and not expecting him to play daddy she can do very well dating.

I realize that some single moms are a hot mess and nobody with any sense would want to date that and they probably wouldn't want to date that even if she didn't have kids, but let's not tar and feather us all with the same brush, here.


ETA: Not wanting kids is a perfectly fine reason not to date a single mother. Men who don't want/like kids should not date single mothers. I respect men who admit this and avoid single mothers. It's a smart choice.
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Old 01-29-2015, 01:43 PM
 
366 posts, read 295,223 times
Reputation: 876
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsun556 View Post
I am not bashing single moms. I know a lot of them and respect what they go through. I just won't commit to them. They are some of the most fun and grounded people I know.

A beta male is a doormat and yes-man. Not as bad as a beta orbiter though.
Where do these terms come from? Is there a club? Pins?

And you are bashing single moms. It's fine to not want to date one, I wouldn't want to either, but you don't have to be weird about it and spout nonsense about beta males or stereotypes about moms. Or put down the men who do find happiness with single moms.
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