U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-29-2015, 08:28 AM
 
32,850 posts, read 22,805,264 times
Reputation: 29898

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus View Post
"Men" is not some autonomous group that are all looking for the same thing. There is no answer to your question. You might as well ask something like "What food do women like most?". You are just not going to get an answer to it.

Chocolate
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-29-2015, 08:54 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,964,263 times
Reputation: 61854
Mod cut.

Original poster: It is so hard to say what men or women want in a spouse or partner because everyone has very different ideas as to what is wanted and needed for a good solid relationship to work long term.

Just live your life and don't set your main focus on a relationship or getting dates. Until you are happy and content with your own company you cannot possibly be happy and content with someone else or make them happy and content.

It is your life and you need to live it how you see fit and the right partner for you will come along.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 01-30-2015 at 08:35 AM.. Reason: Orphaned and off topic.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2015, 08:57 AM
 
1,198 posts, read 915,602 times
Reputation: 1493
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24 View Post
What?

I know of NO friends who are content with a woman just to show off as some trophy piece to their friends and family at the end of the day.

They equally (and more than equally) value women who are caring, giving, loving, responsible, honest, hard working, and have a ton of other positive character traits.

Just a casual look around reveals women of all sorts of shapes and sizes with men anyway. It can limit the dating pool some, but does not seem to be a total deal breaker for many men.
You misunderstood my post.

I'm talking about first impressions. All the smooshy BS you're talking about doesn't happen until both parties psychologically agree that the other person is "good enough." For men, looks are the #1 factor in this equation. Women tend to have a bigger checklist, but at the end of the day most men and women have a standard in regards to how attractive their significant other is. Men are just usually a little more picky about physical appearance, despite being less shallow about things like finances or career status.

And you're dreaming if you think most men don't care about what their friends, family, and society thinks. Nothing in a man's life is a bigger status symbol than an attractive woman. Being with an unattractive woman is like driving a beater car for any man that has the option to not be with an unattractive woman. This is why men will only sleep with some women, but never date them. They're attracted enough to them to have sex, and they might even enjoy their company, but they don't see these women as "relationship material" because they see these women as not good enough, and it's usually because of looks. Women do the same thing but in a different way. They'll bang the dreamy bartender, but they marry the nerdy accountant. At the end of the day, It's all relative, as a guy with no options might see any woman that will give him the time of day as being "good enough."

Also, the OP doesn't need advice from other women or white knights. Men and women have a completely different perspective on reality when it comes to this stuff. If she want's to know why men aren't going for her, she needs to hear advice from men.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2015, 08:58 AM
 
366 posts, read 295,436 times
Reputation: 876
Look around you, OP. Most people you see are not beautiful or particularly interesting or alluring. Yet they manage to pair up and find love. It's a numbers and chemistry game. Put yourself out there and someone will bite.

"Men" want someone who makes them happy. To some small subset, maybe that means arm candy. To many that means a compatible personality and some chemistry. Some do really just want sex. But you'll never know unless you put yourself out there and start meeting people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2015, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Terra
2,827 posts, read 3,063,970 times
Reputation: 3331
Honestly OP, you sound exactly like what I'm looking for. The only thing I would question is your looks and the fact that you have a kid. Kid is a dealbreaker, looks it would depend on if you pass the pickiness factor.

Just being honest. I'd be your friend though.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2015, 10:02 AM
 
3,040 posts, read 2,004,412 times
Reputation: 5021
I'm a man and maybe in the minority here, but I don't really care if the woman is built like a supermodel; personally I prefer larger (full figured, but not obese). Many women my age (and younger) will already have a child or children from previous marriage/relationship, and that's OK by me. I'm not seeking a "trophy", but yes, I do want emotional and physical attraction. What do I care what other people think? She's mine! And I love her. Period. I think my biggest concern would be her child(ren): many would prefer for their mom to be back with their dad, but seeing that mom has a new boyfriend, it kinda bothers me that the new flame might be looked at as a "homewrecker". Establishing yourself with the new girlfriend is one thing, but then you gotta run the gauntlet with her kids - do they like you? Hate you? Accepting of you?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2015, 12:08 PM
 
1,953 posts, read 1,049,445 times
Reputation: 2394
Quote:
Originally Posted by lydiagirl View Post
I am a young woman (mid 30's), professional (work 9-5). I quiet independent, have a car , home and a child from previous relationship when I was 19. I am not lucky in love .....that's one thing missing.

I have been hoping to settle down one day as I know I am a loving and caring person but I don't seem to find the rite guy.

I often get complements from my clients at work (mostly woman) that I look good and have a good heart, but I cant attract men.

......

Can somebody please open my eyes as I would like to settle down one day...with the right guy.
Hope you will not offended by what I will write. Well the obvious issues are:

1) You are in your mid 30s, I am sorry but that is not particularly young for a woman. Most likely, you will be looking to date guys in their late 30s or early 40s. Most of the normal guys of that age are already either married or maybe divorced. That limits the number of potential partners.

2) You have a child who is most likely in his/her early teenage years. That is a lot to take for a guy who, for example, never had kids. This further limits the number of potential partners you can date...

These factors do not mean that you will never meet anyone. They however make meeting potential partners harder. Hope you are open to dating single dads. In any case, if you are an easy going, pleasant, not overly overweight person then I am sure you will meet someone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2015, 12:29 PM
 
Location: U.S. (East Coast)
1,231 posts, read 981,683 times
Reputation: 2626
There is someone for EVERYONE. I guarantee you.

My best advice is to do this: LIVE YOUR LIFE. Focus on YOU, don't focus on men (or even think about what they like.. think about what YOU like). Live your life as you see fit and remove your attention from men or relationships. I've found that the more you want a relationship, the more you push them away without even meaning to. Get into a happy place in your life.. be pleased as a peach with everything. THEN allow a man that you like to join the life you've created for yourself. A man does not complete you, he adds to you. Like you add to his life. Remember that.

A compatible partner will come along at sometime or another.. it's bound to happen if you put yourself out there by doing things that make you happy first and foremost.

PS: I am also in my 30's and have a child from a past relationship (that I was the one to end). I have ZERO problems getting into committed relationships anytime I want. Don't let anyone up here tell you that age and having a child is the issue. It isn't. It's all about how you carry yourself, your value and worth, and how you play the cards that you have in hand.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2015, 01:29 PM
 
Location: Encino, CA
3,431 posts, read 2,917,134 times
Reputation: 5834
Quote:
Originally Posted by lydiagirl View Post
I am a young woman (mid 30's), professional (work 9-5). I quiet independent, have a car , home and a child from previous relationship when I was 19. I am not lucky in love .....that's one thing missing.

I have been hoping to settle down one day as I know I am a loving and caring person but I don't seem to find the rite guy.

I often get complements from my clients at work (mostly woman) that I look good and have a good heart, but I cant attract men.

Most of my friends come to me for support and advise and wish me to get a good partner. Unfortunately ..it hasn't happened

I now wonder what men are really looking for?

Can somebody please open my eyes as I would like to settle down one day...with the right guy.
Men usually want someone they find attractive (hot) and doesnt come with a lot of baggage (kid(s), ex husbands or worse - "baby daddies").

My advice:

1. Take a look in the mirror. Do you need to lose some poundage? If so, join a gym or start exercising regularly to lose weight to make yourself my physically attractive. Men will always prefer a woman who they find physically attractive over a woman they find less physically attractive.

2. Have a hobby. Find some passion in life that will expose you to others with similar interests. Join a martial arts school, do meet-ups in your area for things you love to do like running, pottery, photography, bowling, etc. Finding someone with mutual interest who you will see regularly will help overcome the initial physical maladies (i.e., unattractiveness) you may or may not have. Will also allow you to make new friends which is always a great thing.

3. Re-examine the type of guys you are around. Its odd that you have gone that long without finding a guy. If you always seem to find the "wrong guys" then its the choice YOU are making and not just the guys.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-29-2015, 01:35 PM
 
45 posts, read 36,411 times
Reputation: 94
I am married and have had issues,... I've been hoping things will change, he will change,... sometimes I wish I was single... so don't rush to find someone, just live your life happily, the right person for you will find you when the timing is right... don't think that you are not doing something right... So, you just haven't come across the one for you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top