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Old 01-29-2015, 05:22 AM
 
Location: UK
3 posts, read 2,855 times
Reputation: 10

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I am a young woman (mid 30's), professional (work 9-5). I quiet independent, have a car , home and a child from previous relationship when I was 19. I am not lucky in love .....that's one thing missing.

I have been hoping to settle down one day as I know I am a loving and caring person but I don't seem to find the rite guy.

I often get complements from my clients at work (mostly woman) that I look good and have a good heart, but I cant attract men.

Most of my friends come to me for support and advise and wish me to get a good partner. Unfortunately ..it hasn't happened

I now wonder what men are really looking for?

Can somebody please open my eyes as I would like to settle down one day...with the right guy.

Last edited by lydiagirl; 01-29-2015 at 05:49 AM..
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Old 01-29-2015, 05:38 AM
 
3,201 posts, read 3,385,548 times
Reputation: 4407
never been about looks as some women think

i always use these 2 examples here so women can analyze why...

Tiny is married to T.I. (google if you not familiar)

Taj is married to Eddie George (google if you not familiar)


i use these examples because these women are quite possibly two of the ugliest women on the planet. Neither of em were broke sackchasers looking to score a millionaire guy who could have pretty much got with his choice of good looking diggers, but these guys (an entertainer and a former pro athlete) wifed these chicks up had a family with em and i am willing to bet they are faithful

so can you figure out why?
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Old 01-29-2015, 05:47 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 2,882,400 times
Reputation: 4257
Quote:
Originally Posted by lydiagirl View Post
I am a young woman (mid 30's), professional (work 9-5). I quiet independent, have a car , home and a child from previous relationship when I was 19. I am not lucky in love .....that's one thing missing.

I have been hoping to settle down one day as I know I am a loving and caring person but I don't seem to find the rite guy.

I often get complements from my clients at work (mostly woman) that I look good, but I cant attract men.

I now wonder what men are really looking for?

Can somebody please open my eyes as I would like to settle down one day...with the right guy.
Now days most men interested in out side appearance very thin out going extreme personality no kids so so and so. That is worst part I can tell you from my experience as the other worst part is the right guy you never know till you start living together. Take it easy! Not every one in that there are enough men who is down to earth.
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Old 01-29-2015, 05:51 AM
 
Location: Earth
4,549 posts, read 3,505,744 times
Reputation: 6858
You say you're quiet. Are you also shy? really those things can be a big disadvantage in the dating pool. Moe so than looks

Shy + Quiet
Spoiler
Because there's a stigma attached to quiet people.

1. They're stuck up
2. They're uptight
3. They're weird
4. They're uninterested

The ones who have an easier time with dating will be the more outgoing people. People who aren't afraid to speak their mind, don't care what people think, and have charisma about them.

People who are shy, or suffer from social anxiety will have a harder time dating, and will basically probably get lucky with any relationships they have. Dating, or should I say dating and finding a good match and entering a relationship is a luck game. But it makes it even harder if one is quiet and/or shy and awkward.

Many people will assume one or more of the things I listed. And sometimes a quiet person may not even be noticed. And when they are, It has a high chance of being from the users / predators that are looking for easy prey to sleep with or control in some way. They figure said person due to seeming quiet or withdrawn that said party probably doesn't have many friends, or doesn't have many, if any, suitors. So they'll be more receptive to flattering and any kind of attention. Basically, some will assume a quiet or shy person will automatically be desperate.

Seems like majority of men will like outgoing / aggressive women who ooze confidence. The shy and/or quiet women will have a harder time, unless they're Jessica Rabbit hot, in which case it's hard for guys to miss them, and they turn alot of heads. And since it's rare for women to be that hot, that's out


What has your dating experience been? You have a child, so apparently you can attract some men. Do you attract no men now? Or is it that you aren't attracting any men you are interested in?

Last edited by HappyRain; 01-29-2015 at 06:00 AM..
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Old 01-29-2015, 05:54 AM
 
1,198 posts, read 913,097 times
Reputation: 1493
Quote:
Originally Posted by lydiagirl View Post
I am a young woman (mid 30's), professional (work 9-5). I quiet independent, have a car , home and a child from previous relationship when I was 19. I am not lucky in love .....that's one thing missing.

I have been hoping to settle down one day as I know I am a loving and caring person but I don't seem to find the rite guy.

I often get complements from my clients at work (mostly woman) that I look good, but I cant attract men.

I now wonder what men are really looking for?

Can somebody please open my eyes as I would like to settle down one day...with the right guy.
Guys are visual creatures. At the end of the day, most of us just want a woman that is "good enough" to take into public or show off to our friends and family. Obviously, this standard varies from man to man, but the gold standard is a woman not being overweight for most men that are not overweight themselves. If you're having trouble meeting a guy, then it's probably something in that area. Either get in the gym or lower your standards. If you already have a decent figure, and you're still not meet guys, then it's a personality issue. I can't really help you or give advice about that without meeting you.

There will be a lot of people on here that will claim that what I'm saying isn't true, but in most cases it is unfortunately.
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Old 01-29-2015, 06:10 AM
 
521 posts, read 467,924 times
Reputation: 493
Someone once told me that if you throw a ball in a certain direction (baseball for example) it's going to go in that direction. If you keep your eyes on the target, chances are your aim will direct the ball to the goal. If you really watch where you are throwing, you will see that this theory is very accurate.

When it comes to relationships, if you keep your eye on the goal, you will achieve a higher level of success than if you simply present yourself to the dating pool with no goal in mind. If your goal is to 'settle down' then ask yourself what qualities you have that would make someone want to settle down with you. What are you looking for in a man that would make you want to settle down with him?

The fact that you have a child from a previous relationship makes it somewhat more difficult because some men don't want to begin a relationship with someone else's child. Since you already have a child, you wouldn't want to have a relationship with someone who can't accept that child anyway.

The expression, "I'm not lucky in love," is such a cop-out. It takes the blame of failed relationships off you and places it on some imaginary love director floating about in a cloud somewhere. It makes it easy for the entire planet to complain rather than take action in their lives. A rat in a maze will turn and run the other way when it bumps against a wall. Some people, when presented with a "wall" prefer to sit down and complain for the rest of their lives that they are not "lucky" - I say, go out and make your own luck.

Take a look at yourself and see what it is about you that can be improved so that it improves your chances of meeting someone special. Maybe you don't have to change a thing about yourself except your attitude and way of looking at things.
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Old 01-29-2015, 06:42 AM
 
1,884 posts, read 4,017,153 times
Reputation: 2659
Just be yourself! Don't go looking to "get" love. Be yourself and you will find your guy. Don't be one of those who are great at first, then the true "you" comes out. Guys don't like that at all. Be yourself, confident, secure, and don't be afraid to say hello first.

You'll find that it may be a long time till you get a date, then all of the sudden you get 5 people asking you out.

Hang in there OP! Don't get down on men or yourself.
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Old 01-29-2015, 06:51 AM
 
Location: NY
8,996 posts, read 14,202,502 times
Reputation: 11349
Quote:
Originally Posted by lucky4life View Post
Guys are visual creatures. At the end of the day, most of us just want a woman that is "good enough" to take into public or show off to our friends and family. Obviously, this standard varies from man to man, but the gold standard is a woman not being overweight for most men that are not overweight themselves. If you're having trouble meeting a guy, then it's probably something in that area. Either get in the gym or lower your standards. If you already have a decent figure, and you're still not meet guys, then it's a personality issue. I can't really help you or give advice about that without meeting you.

There will be a lot of people on here that will claim that what I'm saying isn't true, but in most cases it is unfortunately.
What?

I know of NO friends who are content with a woman just to show off as some trophy piece to their friends and family at the end of the day.

They equally (and more than equally) value women who are caring, giving, loving, responsible, honest, hard working, and have a ton of other positive character traits.

Just a casual look around reveals women of all sorts of shapes and sizes with men anyway. It can limit the dating pool some, but does not seem to be a total deal breaker for many men.
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Old 01-29-2015, 06:56 AM
 
32,734 posts, read 22,687,383 times
Reputation: 29787
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24 View Post
What?

I know of NO friends who are content with a woman just to show off as some trophy piece to their friends and family at the end of the day.

They equally (and more than equally) value women who are caring, giving, loving, responsible, honest, hard working, and have a ton of other positive character traits.

Just a casual look around reveals women of all sorts of shapes and sizes with men anyway. It can limit the dating pool some, but does not seem to be a total deal breaker for many men.

Yeah, that isn't even on the radar. Not outside of dumb dudes in their 20s (a subset of dudes in their 20s).

It comes down to how I feel with her. Do we have fun together, do we have chemistry (in and out of the bedroom), can we just sit and talk for hours day after day, can we relate to each other, do we make each other laugh, is there warmth.

There is no formula, it happens or it doesn't.
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Old 01-29-2015, 07:16 AM
 
3,361 posts, read 2,498,100 times
Reputation: 4172
Quote:
Originally Posted by lydiagirl View Post
I now wonder what men are really looking for?
"Men" is not some autonomous group that are all looking for the same thing. There is no answer to your question. You might as well ask something like "What food do women like most?". You are just not going to get an answer to it.
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