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Old 01-30-2015, 11:16 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,819 posts, read 64,258,962 times
Reputation: 68652

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JobSeeker101 View Post
I'll be honest, it sounds like neither of them are into you. A woman that likes you will move mountains to get to know you.

I think your psychological profiling of girl number one is erroneous. She likely doesn't have some intimacy issues, she just didn't find you very attractive either.
That's true. But she hasn't even met him yet. If they meet and click, THEN she'll figure out a way to make time for him. And remember, the OP was out of town when she suggested getting together. Also, the OP is asking about potentially seeing several women at once, to not put his eggs all in one basket. Well, it sounds like that's exactly what the second woman is doing: booking Fri & Sat. night, possibly with other first dates. (Or maybe not. Maybe with friends.) The OP can't hold that against her, since he plans to do something similar.

You sound a little uncomfortable with the online dating procedures, OP. Give yourself some time to get used to how things work. Be flexible and not so quick to write people off for trivial things like a handshake or difficulties finding a mutual opening in your schedules. You won't last long if you let every little thing throw you off.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:18 AM
 
750 posts, read 606,638 times
Reputation: 1106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
That's true. But she hasn't even met him yet. If they meet and click, THEN she'll figure out a way to make time for him. And remember, the OP was out of town when she suggested getting together. Also, the OP is asking about potentially seeing several women at once, to not put his eggs all in one basket. Well, it sounds like that's exactly what the second woman is doing: booking Fri & Sat. night, possibly with other first dates. (Or maybe not. Maybe with friends.) The OP can't hold that against her, since he plans to do something similar.

You sound a little uncomfortable with the online dating procedures, OP. Give yourself some time to get used to how things work. Be flexible and not so quick to write people off for trivial things like a handshake or difficulties finding a mutual opening in your schedules. You won't last long if you let every little thing throw you off.
Well having multiple suitors definitely keeps you from getting too emotionally attached quickly to one. I don't prefer to do that though. I'm ridiculously picky, so it is rare to even find one girl that I believe I'd click with well. Many aren't sure what they want so going on dates with multiple people makes sense I guess.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:19 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,819 posts, read 64,258,962 times
Reputation: 68652
Quote:
Originally Posted by k374 View Post
Ok so I should close both of them out? I certainly don't want to date anyone who isn't attracted to me! The thing i don't understand is why do they not close me out if that is the case?
Who said they're not attracted to you? The second one hasn't even met you! How could she be attracted to you if you're just a face and a profile on a page? I can't even believe someone is saying this!

And who said the first one isn't attracted to you? Maybe she's just waiting for you to call, hoping for a second date. You have no idea what she's thinking. Why are you so quick to write these women off?
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:23 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,819 posts, read 64,258,962 times
Reputation: 68652
Quote:
Originally Posted by JobSeeker101 View Post
Well having multiple suitors definitely keeps you from getting too emotionally attached quickly to one. I don't prefer to do that though. I'm ridiculously picky, so it is rare to even find one girl that I believe I'd click with well. Many aren't sure what they want so going on dates with multiple people makes sense I guess.
Well, that's you, and that's fine. But this thread is about the OP, and the OP hopes to date a few women at once to get to know as many people as possible, I take it. He's concerned about putting his eggs in one or two baskets. So, whatever. All I was saying is, he shouldn't fault others for doing the same as he expects to do.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Terra
208 posts, read 489,887 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JobSeeker101 View Post
Do you really think anyone is busy 24/7? None of us are. We all have at a minimum an hour a day to do whatever. That girl likely goes home after work and gym to watch tv for a couple of hours before bedtime.
Maybe she does have an hour, and that's the only hour of the day she can have to herself. Maybe she works really hard during the day and just wants the time afterwork on weekdays to unwind by herself. What's wrong with that? Why assume something negative just because she doesn't want to do a weekday evening meeting?

OP, you can go out of town for a weekend and not want to go out because of Superbowl, but she can't pick the dates/times she wants to meet you without you jumping to conclusions?

Sorry, if I were one of those women and knew you were making these assumptions...if I weren't writing you off before, I may just write you off now.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:30 AM
 
750 posts, read 606,638 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mllex View Post
Maybe she does have an hour, and that's the only hour of the day she can have to herself. Maybe she works really hard during the day and just wants the time afterwork on weekdays to unwind by herself. What's wrong with that? Why assume something negative just because she doesn't want to do a weekday evening meeting?
My point is that if she REALLY wanted to get to know him, she would use one of those hours to do so.

Think of it this way: Average guy likes girl. He isn't too good looking or charismatic. She says she is too busy every time. Now, Brad Pitt likes the same girl. She would drop everything in a heart beat to get to know him. It's all about how much they are into you in deciding if you are worthy of their time.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:36 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,819 posts, read 64,258,962 times
Reputation: 68652
Quote:
Originally Posted by JobSeeker101 View Post
My point is that if she REALLY wanted to get to know him, she would use one of those hours to do so.

Think of it this way: Average guy likes girl. He isn't too good looking or charismatic. She says she is too busy every time. Now, Brad Pitt likes the same girl. She would drop everything in a heart beat to get to know him. It's all about how much they are into you in deciding if you are worthy of their time.
Would you guys lay off with the Brad Pitt? She tried to get together with the OP. She suggested a Friday, but he was going out of town. Now they have a date for Sunday. Just let them have the date, will ya? See how it goes. For all you and the OP know, they could hit it off. Don't write the whole thing off before it even happens.




Quote:
Originally Posted by mllex;
Sorry, if I were one of those women and knew you were making these assumptions...if I weren't writing you off before, I may just write you off now
This!
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Olympus Mons, Mars
5,000 posts, read 8,043,790 times
Reputation: 4931
I should clarify. With regard to the first woman I am basing it only on my past dating experience... I can think of only one other person in my entire dating life that has offered me a handshake, some do but I reach for a hug and they immediately retract their hand and switch to hug me without hesitation. Virtually all have done this. This person was not receptive to a hug so it threw me off a little as I was not used to a person being so closed. I disagree that hugging is too forward for a first date. It is not at all and sets a good tone. A date isn't a business meeting I'm not trying to speed things up, but if I like her I will hold her hand on date #2 or kiss her, again from my past experience women who were interested in me had zero issues with it. The reason is also to guage romantic interest level... some women (and there are men as well) will date ad-infinitum as friends but want no romantic connection as they have issues actually moving forward in an intimate context with a single person but still want to see people. That differs from what I am doing as I don't wish to see multiple people past 4 or 5 dates at a maximum... the intent is to find one person to have a relationship with not keep dating multiple people for the long term.

The issue about girl #2 is that I offered 2 weeks worth of possible days to meet except for the one weekend I was out of town. INFACT, I got back from being out of town on Sunday afternoon and even offered to meetup Sun eve despite the fact that I would be tired from driving back. But no, she was booked Sun night as well. It was she who could not date on a weekday and had very few timeslots on the weekend. I am super busy as well but I will make the time. So, if she could not date on a weekday then she should give priority to a weekend day. We had agreed on this Fri and at the time we discussed 2 weeks ago she was free. So why did she cancel after knowing that we had scheduling issues for 2 weeks?

What I am saying is that she has the right to be busy any day she wants but i'm not sure I want to date someone who seems to have virtually no free time during the week and only has very select windows of time open during the weekend! That would get very frustrating.

As another poster had mentioned... it's very hard to imagine someone being so busy. I am very busy as well with work and personal commitments but I do have time to go out, workout, post on this forum etc. Nobody is that busy, I call that BS!

Last edited by k374; 01-30-2015 at 11:47 AM..
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:41 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,819 posts, read 64,258,962 times
Reputation: 68652
Quote:
Originally Posted by k374 View Post
I
The issue about girl #2 is that I offered 2 weeks worth of possible days to meet. It was she who could not date on a weekday. I am super busy as well but I will make the time. So, if she could not date on a weekday then she should give priority to a weekend day. We had agreed on this Fri and at the time we discussed 2 weeks ago she was free. So why did she cancel after knowing that we had scheduling issues for 2 weeks?
Good point. Had you two already blocked out Fri., then she said she scheduled something else over that date? Not good. Or was it not mutually understood that Friday was a definite date to put on the calendar at the time of the discussion? Was it vague and unconfirmed?

OP, I see no reason why a woman should be expected to hug a complete stranger, but that's just me. I don't think it means she's "so closed", but if you've had better luck with other women, maybe that's what you should go with. Have any relationships worked out from the huggers? Maybe you should give this one a second date just to see if maybe she's a more sensible or mature type that might make better LTR material than the easy huggers. (I'm just guessing, here.) It doesn't hurt sometimes to try something different from your usual pattern. It's only a second date, not a major commitment.
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Old 01-30-2015, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Terra
208 posts, read 489,887 times
Reputation: 356
Quote:
Originally Posted by JobSeeker101 View Post
My point is that if she REALLY wanted to get to know him, she would use one of those hours to do so.

Think of it this way: Average guy likes girl. He isn't too good looking or charismatic. She says she is too busy every time. Now, Brad Pitt likes the same girl. She would drop everything in a heart beat to get to know him. It's all about how much they are into you in deciding if you are worthy of their time.
And it's been pointed out that she hasn't even met him yet. Guys and girls think differently. Plus, she has not said she is "too busy every time." Perhaps she thinks that he's using the excuse of being out of town or whatever to not meet her. Why should she be the one to shift her schedule for him?

And perhaps she feels one hour is an inadequate amount of time to get to know someone, so she's trying to meet during a day when there are fewer time restrictions?

You don't know people's motivations. I used to work really long hours and have a crazy commute. The last thing I wanted to do after a long, stressful workday was to dress and pep myself up for a maybe really rushed meeting with a guy. I'd want more time. OP is obviously free to do whatever, but as a girl, and as someone who has done OLD, I'm throwing in MHO that the situation may have been blown way out of proportion.

Edited to add: maybe something came up so she could no longer meet. At this early stage, I tend to give people a lot of latitude, but that's just me.
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