Desperately need advice

[Dewdroplet76]

Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate

Makes sense. I do think the women in question should be more open minded and genuinely be willing to listen to the men with these things. But I do still agree with your point. Does make sense.

As someone who has 2 children - I don't necessarily think that the women should be open minded. If you have an accidental pregnancy, as a woman, you really have to decide what is best for you. If you this happens in a marriage or in a really strong long term relationship - that's one thing. One of my friends got pregnant her senior year in college with her boyfriend of 6 months. They decided to keep it and got married a couple years later. Their son is 3 now. That is a rare story. The majority of the people that I know or know about that got pregnant out of wedlock are all single mothers. Some of the fathers see the kids from time to time but most of them are nowhere to be found. And pregnancy isn't easy. Childbirth isn't easy. Having a baby isn't even in the same ball park as easy. And giving up a child after it's born to another family - well, I would never have been able to do that. If the woman chooses to keep the baby - she has to be willing to be 100% responsible for the baby. The man doesn't have to do anything.

[IfICould]

Originally Posted by GoFigureMeOut

No it won't. I've yet to see any man who is "scarred for life" over their girlfriend having an abortion.

I have.
And I'm not just saying that to try to be right. A friend of mine was absolutely destroyed. It's been about 10 years and he's better and has a son, but told me he was afraid his son would die before he was born somehow because of what he went through..

[HappyRain]

Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76

As someone who has 2 children - I don't necessarily think that the women should be open minded. If you have an accidental pregnancy, as a woman, you really have to decide what is best for you. If you this happens in a marriage or in a really strong long term relationship - that's one thing. One of my friends got pregnant her senior year in college with her boyfriend of 6 months. They decided to keep it and got married a couple years later. Their son is 3 now. That is a rare story. The majority of the people that I know or know about that got pregnant out of wedlock are all single mothers. Some of the fathers see the kids from time to time but most of them are nowhere to be found. And pregnancy isn't easy. Childbirth isn't easy. Having a baby isn't even in the same ball park as easy. And giving up a child after it's born to another family - well, I would never have been able to do that. If the woman chooses to keep the baby - she has to be willing to be 100% responsible for the baby. The man doesn't have to do anything.

Well open mind was the wrong word. I guess sympathetic is a better word. Having the baby is only physical for the woman, which is why the choice lies there. but it can be emotional for everyone. It's like how a father loves the heck out of his baby, and he may light up when it's born, even though he didn't experience the birth or any breast-feeding, but it doesn't mean he loves it any less, or may not die for it should something like that come up. So when a woman wants to abort, it's her choice. And wanting support is natural. but the guy, should he genuinely want the baby, will need support and comfort as well when the times comes to abort. Everyone is having a hard time.

Congrats on your 2 kids, and husband. A family with everyone together, and stable, is rare.

Originally Posted by village801

I don't know if that was aimed towards me, or in general or both, but I was in a committed relationship for two years. It wasn't casual sex between us. And when we discussed birth control before we had sex and, we both agreed that we did not want kids, so I didn't expect him to completely turn on me like that. I honestly believed that he would support my decision.

That was a general statement. I read your OP twice to be sure I got the info, and made no mistakes. So I know you weren't sleeping with random men when it happened lo

[Leyla30]

If I were you, I wouldn't wait any longer and go ahead get the abortion. He doesn't sound all that stable, you don't want a relationship nor ties with someone crazy forever. If you have the child and things don't work out (you mentioned things weren't all that great between you two, so the chances of not working out is higher than working out). You don't want any attachments to someone who makes emotional decisions (hacking into your account! wtf), who knows what he might do later on when he doesn't agree with you then.