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Old 01-31-2015, 08:05 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma
535 posts, read 513,204 times
Reputation: 482

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Wow. That would be pretty heartless. But I think you've made up your mind.
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Old 01-31-2015, 08:05 PM
 
111 posts, read 112,171 times
Reputation: 209
He sounds like a loose cannon. Someone you can't trust. He humiliated you by going behind your back by posting on FB and telling your Mom.

Cut him off, like the other poster said and get a restraining order and move on. What else can you do?
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Old 01-31-2015, 08:06 PM
 
Location: east coast
2,846 posts, read 2,957,245 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by village801 View Post

At this point, I'm beyond mortified and upset and baffled by his behavior. My question is, should I just cut off communication entirely, and go ahead with my decision? Would I be wrong to have the abortion and not allow him further input? I'm just fed up with the way he is reacting to this. I understand if he was upset, I can empathize with that, but going out and purposefully attacking me and trying to turn my family against me?

I'm just at a complete loss.

Clearly her question is specifically regarding how she should deal with him.

Op, people are just throwing out advice. If you don't need it, throw it out. But you may cross a bridge and need a life line and this thread may help you out. So don't discard any free info.
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Old 01-31-2015, 08:09 PM
 
94 posts, read 88,942 times
Reputation: 85
Personally I think "don't have sex unless you're ready for the consequences" is more accurate. Whether that consequence is motherhood, abortion, or adoption. In the perfect world people would share their feelings about abortion before sex. Still hard though since in theory you might feel one way and in reality another. I told my SO before intimacy that if something happened I would not choose abortion and asked how he felt about that. Having an abortion is not a consequence I want to live with, but a child yes. It sounds like the OP is accepting the consequences of her actions, which is resulting in an abortion.

Anyhow sorry to ramble. Yes OP, go through with your plans. He sounds unstable...
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Old 01-31-2015, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Manhattan, NYC
1,274 posts, read 972,968 times
Reputation: 1250
I hope you changed your Facebook password. That was a really childish behavior from your "boyfriend" (more like an ex now). You might not need to cut off as I fear an emotional reaction from this guy, who could possibly act violent, given that he does act desperate by texting to your mother. However, you should start responding less and less to make him understand it is over.

Also, if you have not done so, be quick with the abortion. I do not have any experience on this topic (being a man, and because it's not that common) but I am certain it will involve a lot of courage to do it, even if you are currently determined. Having a non supportive boyfriend will only make the matter worse so move forward.
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Old 01-31-2015, 08:13 PM
 
17 posts, read 10,245 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by meow3434 View Post
Personally I think "don't have sex unless you're ready for the consequences" is more accurate. Whether that consequence is motherhood, abortion, or adoption. In the perfect world people would share their feelings about abortion before sex. Still hard though since in theory you might feel one way and in reality another. I told my SO before intimacy that if something happened I would not choose abortion and asked how he felt about that. Having an abortion is not a consequence I want to live with, but a child yes. It sounds like the OP is accepting the consequences of her actions, which is resulting in an abortion.

Anyhow sorry to ramble. Yes OP, go through with your plans. He sounds unstable...
We talked about planning, safe sex and agreed that children weren't in the picture for either of us. And it's not something that I've always relied on. To clarify, I didn't automatically decide on having an abortion because I'm pregnant and young. I thought about the possibility of unexpected pregnancy when I first started having sex, but it wasn't a decision that I could really make before I was ever in the scenario, you know what I mean? If this would've happened 2 years ago or 2 years in future, my decision might've been different. It isn't until now, that I'm here, and this is my situation, that I feel this is the right decision.
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Old 01-31-2015, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,090,283 times
Reputation: 22274
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate View Post
But couldn't you say she shouldn't have had sex if she wasn't ready to be a mother, or until a career and adult life was stable. So you can say that about any party in the case of unwanted pregnancy.
No. When you have sex - you know that it could result in pregnancy. As a woman, you can choose to have the baby and keep it, have the baby and put it up for adoption, or have an abortion. As a man, you don't always have a say. This may not be fair - but it's biology. The woman carries the baby - it's her decision. So if he wasn't willing to have abortion be an option - then he should not have had premarital sex.
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Old 01-31-2015, 08:20 PM
 
894 posts, read 1,045,515 times
Reputation: 2662
Quote:
Originally Posted by IfICould View Post
You are wrong to terminate if he doesn't want you to. It's his child too. This will scar him for life.
No it won't. I've yet to see any man who is "scarred for life" over their girlfriend having an abortion. This guy is in the military which means the OP will be stuck at home caring for their child while he's deployed for a year at a time. The boyfriend gets to play daddy at his convenience, that is until parenthood gets old and he finds a new girlfriend. The OP is making the smartest decision for herself.
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Old 01-31-2015, 08:25 PM
 
Location: Earth
4,575 posts, read 5,165,421 times
Reputation: 7010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
No. When you have sex - you know that it could result in pregnancy. As a woman, you can choose to have the baby and keep it, have the baby and put it up for adoption, or have an abortion. As a man, you don't always have a say. This may not be fair - but it's biology. The woman carries the baby - it's her decision. So if he wasn't willing to have abortion be an option - then he should not have had premarital sex.
Makes sense. I do think the women in question should be more open minded and genuinely be willing to listen to the men with these things. But I do still agree with your point. Does make sense. But really, everyone should be on guard with recreational sex. That's why I don't see sex as casual. The consequences can be great, and it can cause issue. Like if a woman gets pregnant, and wants the baby, but the guy runs off. That's a risk women also take, that pregnancy could happen by a guy who won't stick around, or even be around at all. So there is risk for all involved. So it's smoething all parties have to be prepared for regarding their part in it.
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Old 01-31-2015, 08:30 PM
 
17 posts, read 10,245 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate View Post
Makes sense. I do think the women in question should be more open minded and genuinely be willing to listen to the men with these things. But I do still agree with your point. Does make sense. But really, everyone should be on guard with recreational sex. That's why I don't see sex as casual. The consequences can be great, and it can cause issue. Like if a woman gets pregnant, and wants the baby, but the guy runs off. That's a risk women also take, that pregnancy could happen by a guy who won't stick around, or even be around at all. So there is risk for all involved.
I don't know if that was aimed towards me, or in general or both, but I was in a committed relationship for two years. It wasn't casual sex between us. And when we discussed birth control before we had sex and, we both agreed that we did not want kids, so I didn't expect him to completely turn on me like that. I honestly believed that he would support my decision.
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