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I sent a message to this girl on a dating site and left her my number so we can talk. So she called me but I noticed her number was blocked on the caller id and was like........."ok she probably needs to get a feel for me first before giving out her number" So we talked for the first time tonight on the phone and then after about 40 mins she was about to get ready for bed. So then I said........"Ummm can I have your contact #"
Then she went through this whole thing about how she had scary experiences with guys she met through the site and would rather meet me face to face before giving her me her number. So now I am going to sleep on this and will most likely wake up and decide I no longer have interest. I thought the purpose of talking to someone the first time on the phone was to determine if you WANT to give the guy your number.
And I don't think she understands that she is not the only woman on the site and once someone who gives me her number who looks just as good as her or better I am moving on lol Something won't allow me to meet a woman face to face if I don't have their contact number so we probably won't meet.
Any other guys come across any paranoid women like this online?
1) Nope, that is not overly paranoid. She is being safe.
For many years I did not give out out my number before meeting with someone. Then I had a first meet where I could not find the coffee shop, was about half an hour late, and tried to call him but had the wrong number. He couldn't call me to see where I was. I waited about 15 minutes, drove home and found the correct number, and texted him, but he was DONE. I felt super tacky.
So now I give out my cell number when I set a time and place for a first meet. I've been doing this long enough I can screen out the weirdos better.
2) not everyone wants to get acquainted by chatting on the phone. I don't like talking on the phone with people I DO know. I'm a little bit ADD and have a hard time staying focused. If I talk to someone I don't know, I can't see their body language and facial expressions, and to me there is no point in that. So just because she doesn't want to chat---doesn't mean she is paranoid.
1) Nope, that is not overly paranoid. She is being safe.
For many years I did not give out out my number before meeting with someone. Then I had a first meet where I could not find the coffee shop, was about half an hour late, and tried to call him but had the wrong number. He couldn't call me to see where I was. I waited about 15 minutes, drove home and found the correct number, and texted him, but he was DONE. I felt super tacky.
So now I give out my cell number when I set a time and place for a first meet. I've been doing this long enough I can screen out the weirdos better.
2) not everyone wants to get acquainted by chatting on the phone. I don't like talking on the phone with people I DO know. I'm a little bit ADD and have a hard time staying focused. If I talk to someone I don't know, I can't see their body language and facial expressions, and to me there is no point in that. So just because she doesn't want to chat---doesn't mean she is paranoid.
Well for a shy guy like me talking on the phone is mandatory instead of meeting someone in public without developing any kind of rapport.
Huge red flag. That screams "I'm looking for a F Buddy!" Why do you care if your friends are male or female, and why would you go to an online dating site to find a friend?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by FBJ
Well for a shy guy like me talking on the phone is mandatory instead of meeting someone in public without developing any kind of rapport.
Jesus. Just freaking go talk to a person IRL. Talking too much, more than once, on the phone before meeting with OLD is a bad idea. It creates expectations and false intimacy, and it doesn't indicate RL chemistry as all.
So, it's okay for you to have rules that make sense to you but not for other people to have rules that make sense to them?
The norm for 99% of women on dating sites when talking to a guy has always consisted of 3 stages
1. Stage 1......exchanges messages online
2. Stage 2.......talking on the phone
3. Stage 3.........Meeting face to face
So that girl wanted to leap frog stage 2 and that's not the norm because when meeting someone face to face you want to be able to text to let them know where you are in the area. Plus it avoids getting stood up which is something most people want to avoid when trying to meet someone.
The norm for 99% of women on dating sites when talking to a guy has always consisted of 3 stages
1. Stage 1......exchanges messages online
2. Stage 2.......talking on the phone
3. Stage 3.........Meeting face to face
So that girl wanted to leap frog stage 2 and that's not the norm because when meeting someone face to face you want to be able to text to let them know where you are in the area. Plus it avoids getting stood up which is something most people want to avoid when trying to meet someone.
And for all you know she's a person who dislikes talking on the phone and you missed getting to know a wonderful woman...but hey....it's her fault anyway.
The norm for 99% of women on dating sites when talking to a guy has always consisted of 3 stages
1. Stage 1......exchanges messages online
2. Stage 2.......talking on the phone
3. Stage 3.........Meeting face to face
So that girl wanted to leap frog stage 2 and that's not the norm because when meeting someone face to face you want to be able to text to let them know where you are in the area. Plus it avoids getting stood up which is something most people want to avoid when trying to meet someone.
When/if you ever re-read what you write does it never occur to you that just maybe perhaps you're the one with the problem? Your "norm" is not the norm. Your "norm" is fashioned from a bizarre and convoluted set of rules which are all about you and with not a shred of regard for the other person. Utterly selfish to the nth degree. It's no wonder at all that you have such a hard time getting to a first date and never get to a second ... and so the saga continues, year after year after year.
Going to a dating site to find good-looking friends is pretty silly.
That's like allowing only the ridiculously good looking to be your friends on CD....
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Something won't allow me to meet a woman face to face if I don't have their contact number so we probably won't meet. 
