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Old 02-01-2015, 09:02 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,565 posts, read 42,457,369 times
Reputation: 24873

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyga View Post
Um.

I don't find it flattering at all. Old guy hitting on me screams midlife crisis or desperation. It's weird and creepy.
It's not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie53 View Post
This is what you say the next time an older man asks you for your phone number:

"Sure! I've been looking for a sugar daddy! Do you have a lot of money?"

Lol, most likely he doesn't.

 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:03 PM
 
11,780 posts, read 8,218,747 times
Reputation: 3425
Quote:
Originally Posted by IfICould View Post
scary scary scary

Do not give info to strangers about how old you are and where you go to school OR ESPECIALLY YOUR PHONE NUMBER!!! omg I'm so scared for you!!! Stranger danger, girl! They are predators! That's why this happens to you a lot, because they can tell you are a yes sayer and non confrontational. Gosh! When they ask be completely vague.

"Are you in school?
"Yeah I'm in school."
"which school?"
" Oh not far from here. Oh dang, I gotta go!
The End.

Please be careful and don't be so open and protect yourself more. never never ever give these kind of people your phone number. :/
You are far too paranoid. This was simply a guy that found a girl attractive and made an attempt to establish a connection, which is what humans do. When I met my gf we had a similar conversation and I got her phone number in a pretty short order. We have been together for over a year now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyga View Post
Um.

I don't find it flattering at all. Old guy hitting on me screams midlife crisis or desperation. It's weird and creepy.
It really just means they have a pulse and found you attractive. The fact that you were not similarly attracted to him doesn't change anything.
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:05 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, Fl
1,280 posts, read 1,368,562 times
Reputation: 2495
Fact: 18 for a 40 year old man, is pushing it, big time. However, the average college female by age 24 wil have more sexual experiences then most men aged 40 from the previous generation. And as I know first hand, there are lots of women mid twenties who will date a man 40 years old. More then most people here realize. But a girl 18, is way too young. The difference in potential maturity from 18-24 is light years for most young women these days.

You had every right to put this man in his place. And by all means learn to stand up for yourself. You do not have to appease every man who hits on you and you do not have to let him down easily.
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:05 PM
 
674 posts, read 482,407 times
Reputation: 1110
I'm probably around the man's age. I would realize before anything started that most any 18 year old here in the states would have zero interest in me so I wouldn't even bother. As for you, just be polite and say no thanks. Now you have had experience so you can do a little better next time...
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:06 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma
535 posts, read 367,251 times
Reputation: 481
Quote:
Originally Posted by lycos679 View Post
You are far too paranoid. This was simply a guy that found a girl attractive and made an attempt to establish a connection, which is what humans do. When I met my gf we had a similar conversation and I got her phone number in a pretty short order. We have been together for over a year now.
K but... do you have that huge of an age difference?
I'm not at all saying that a guy asking for a girl's phone number is weird. I'm saying that a 40+ year old asking an 18 year old when there was no flirting or suggestion from her side is disturbing.

But sure everyone should err on the side of niceness" even when its unsafe. :/
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:06 PM
 
Location: St. Catharines, ON
718 posts, read 467,823 times
Reputation: 1022
Quote:
Originally Posted by lycos679 View Post
You are far too paranoid. This was simply a guy that found a girl attractive and made an attempt to establish a connection, which is what humans do. When I met my gf we had a similar conversation and I got her phone number in a pretty short order. We have been together for over a year now.



It really just means they have a pulse and found you attractive. The fact that you were not similarly attracted to him doesn't change anything.
No, I would agree if it was a 20 year old hitting on me. But this was an old man, that could very well be the same age as my father (and chances are he probably has a daughter or a niece my age), who was well aware of the significant age gap and proceeded to ask for my number (when I in no way encouraged him to do so). Of course it is my fault for giving it to him, when I should've said no, but the fact that he would ask, to me, is creepy. I'm very, very much younger than him and the average 40+ year old guy (I would hope) would see that and refrain from trying to initiate a ANYTHING with an 18 year old.
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, Ca
5,758 posts, read 3,197,495 times
Reputation: 13550
Quote:
Originally Posted by artemis agrotera View Post
OP: Just politely say "sorry, but, I am not interested. Have a great day" and walk away. Be direct, without being rude. You are under no obligation to give out your phone number.

This^^^^^^
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:12 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,159 posts, read 37,787,675 times
Reputation: 73896
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
This why a lot of guys shy away from approaching. You're basically telling the OP to tell guys to go rudely f themselves, Lol

I think the rejection should be as polite as possible, especially if the guy is being nice. Even if she has to tell a little white lie.
NO, I'm not.

I'm trying to teach this girl who's barely legal how to manage unwanted advances.

He asked a question, and she should answer without judgment. SHE OWES HIM NOTHING. If a guy can't take a straightforward "no" for an answer, he has problems that aren't the girl's fault.

Also, Ted Bundy was nice. Lots of guys act nice. Then if you won't jump on their jock, they will turn on you and cuss you out.
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:17 PM
 
2,270 posts, read 2,217,753 times
Reputation: 2637
As a male (who himself is 60 per this writing), when this "nice" man who spoke to you ever so briefly on a coffee line says all of a sudden "Gve me your phone number", you can just say what some other posters said here. Something like simply saying "No". Or "No, thanks" or "I don't think so. Bye." or "Not interested. But best of luck. Bye." You don't owe explanations or justifications to anybody (male or female of any age).

Yet if you do want to use more words to get somewhat more explanatory to more appease him (to have him better understand why you would turn down a man whom is acting so "nice" with you), you could say something like one of the choices that appear below (other than outright telling some man an outright fib or lie, just to get it over with ... which is your right and prerogative):

  1. "I'm not in the habit of just handing out my phone number to perfect strangers with whom I've had a momentary chat or run-in with in-passing. And someone whom I wasn't even trying to meet but just met because of a coffee spill. And the truth is that you appear old enough to be my father. But thanks for the chat though, and best of luck. Take care." Or you can try one of the following:
  2. "My social network is full and complete. Not interesting in taking on any more persons. Best of luck. Take care." Or you can try one of the following:
  3. "I'm already 'spoken for' and involved. But best of luck and take care." This one doesn't detail to him just what the phrase "spoken for" or "involved" exactly means to you in your own mind but is rather vague ... and that is good. He can interpret it however he does. It is, in fact, telling the truth to him (no lying), as it could just convey "I'm preoccupied with my other interests, concerns, and present social relations and don't wish to take on any other persons just 'out of nowhere" or 'out of the blue' ". Or you can try one of the following:
  4. "I just met you ... and on a coffee line at that. I didn't come here to hook up with men. And I have a man in my life anyway who is more of a suitable male partner for me than you would be (with our apparent big age and generational difference). But best of luck to you anyway. Take care."


Alway or nearly end with the grand old "Take care". Saying "Take care" is a way of being merely polite and yet not too warm and fuzzy. It is a way of politely conveying to someone "I'm leaving now & this is the end of our relating with one another" but in a non-brusque way ... rather than psychologically leaving some opening for them to raise any hope in them by using warmer language. "Take care" is very neutral and useful grand send-off to someone. It says politely and neutrally to the other person "I am not going to preoccupy myself anymore with thoughts of you and you shouldn't preoccupy yourself anymore with me. It ends here. Bye."


A very important part of growing into adulthood is to learn to set boundaries with others or else you become a doormat for every other intention or hope of another person or party ... or for that matter, you open yourself to being a prospective victim of someone else's less-than redeeming plans or ideas regarding you. Every human of every type needs to learn to set boundaries for others as to how they relate to us. It is not something that only "UN-nice" people do. You can still be basically "nice" (i.e., civil) but still act on what you know to be right for you versus wrong or uncomfortable for you.

Last edited by UsAll; 02-01-2015 at 09:32 PM..
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:19 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
6,737 posts, read 4,245,601 times
Reputation: 10391
This is nothing new for me.

Older men hit on me all the time. Yes I feel uncomfortable but I don't think about it much. It has nothing to do with being special or weird.

It is just simply something that happens. Just tell him you are not interested and move on. If he won't leave you alone....call the cops.

It's simple.
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