When older men hit on you (cheat, hubby, separate, clothes)
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Because advancements from "senior citizens" occur quite often, and honestly, they rub me the wrong way. More so, than the average guy. I don't see how any of it is gender bashing.
Whoah whoah.....hold up, senior citizen is not 40.
What's not nice is leading a guy on by giving out your number when you know you're not interested. Being direct IS being nice. Lying or making up fake scenarios is the opposite of nice.
If you practice it, you won't be caught off guard next time.
Okay, well let me try to clarify.
I just spilled coffee all over the guy and he was very nice about it (whether he had ulterior motives in being so, maybe). But he made small talk, and he wasn't giving me any red flags, he just seemed like a nice guy (Perhaps I overestimate people). Now, I didn't see it coming when he asked for my number. Mind you, there were people around and after he dropped that little bomb, I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. The easiest way out, in that moment, seemed to give him my number. I panicked. I don't know how to react to "nice" (or seemingly, nice) people in a more "direct" way.
I just spilled coffee all over the guy and he was very nice about it (whether he had ulterior motives in being so, maybe). But he made small talk, and he wasn't giving me any red flags, he just seemed like a nice guy (Perhaps I overestimate people). Now, I didn't see it coming when he asked for my number. Mind you, there were people around and after he dropped that little bomb, I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. The easiest way out, in that moment, seemed to give him my number. I panicked. I don't know how to react to "nice" (or seemingly, nice) people in a more "direct" way.
I can see where you might have felt guilty or like you owed him something after spilling coffee on him. It's understandable.
My only point is that you need to understand that you don't HAVE to give someone something just because they ask you for it, and you need to be prepared to tell them "no" in a non-judgmental way, which has already been provided for you in this thread.
K but... do you have that huge of an age difference?
I'm not at all saying that a guy asking for a girl's phone number is weird. I'm saying that a 40+ year old asking an 18 year old when there was no flirting or suggestion from her side is disturbing.
But sure everyone should err on the side of niceness" even when its unsafe. :/
No, we are much closer in age, but even an age difference doesn't make someone a predator. My dad is about 12 yr older than my mom. One of his old partners has 20 yrs on his wife and I can even think of some of my friends that are dating guys much older than they are. I have no idea how old my boss is, however his gf was in some of my classes, but they have a noticeable age gap and my boss is one of the most charismatic people you could ever meet. Definitely not a creep.
Yes, yes you are, that is exactly what you are saying. The age difference just means it was a long shot to begin with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IfICould
scary scary scary
Do not give info to strangers about how old you are and where you go to school OR ESPECIALLY YOUR PHONE NUMBER!!! omg I'm so scared for you!!! Stranger danger, girl! They are predators! That's why this happens to you a lot, because they can tell you are a yes sayer and non confrontational. Gosh! When they ask be completely vague.
"Are you in school?
"Yeah I'm in school."
"which school?"
" Oh not far from here. Oh dang, I gotta go!
The End.
Please be careful and don't be so open and protect yourself more. never never ever give these kind of people your phone number. :/
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyga
No, I would agree if it was a 20 year old hitting on me. But this was a old man, that could very well be the same age as my father (and chances are he probably has a daughter or a niece my age), who was well aware of the significant age gap and proceeding to ask for my number (when I in no way encouraged him to do so). Of course it is my fault for giving it to him, when I should've said no, but the fact that he would ask, to me, is creepy. I'm very, very much younger than him and the average 40+ year old guy (I would hope) would see that and refrain from trying to initiate a ANYTHING with an 18 year old.
Why? He is still a guy and guys are attracted to pretty women. You weren't interested, and that's fine, but that doesn't mean another girl would not have been interested or that he should not have tried. Guys have to make the move if we want to get anywhere with girls. If instead of a 40 yr old you had a fat 20 yr old hitting on you, you might be similarly disgusted, but the guy still has to try.
A couple of years I ran into a woman at a bar that had to be at least 15/20 yrs older than me and she was interested in me, but that didn't make her a creep - it just made her human. And to tell you the truth, I might have even gone home with her that night if I didn't have to take my friends home. Emotionally, well adjusted people don't go around calling other people creeps just because they aren't interested.
Because advancements from "senior citizens" occur quite often, and honestly, they rub me the wrong way. More so, than the average guy. I don't see how any of it is gender bashing.
Interesting. You ask, if this sort of thing is new to you, but obviously, its not.
Interesting. You ask, if this sort of thing is new to you, but obviously, its not.
Again, incorrect. Perhaps you should read my OP thoroughly before replying. I mentioned that I get hit on more often by older men than I do younger/same age.
So I went to a Starbucks a few hours ago and there was this older man (Mid 40's maybe?) in the line behind me. I accidentally bumped into him as I was grabbing my coffee, and I was pretty mortified because my coffee spilled all over, so I just kept apologizing to him. He was very gracious despite having hot coffee all over his shoes. As the barista was making me another, the guy started making small talk with me. He asked me how old I was, if I went to the local university (it's a college town) and what I majored in and so on, so forth. Very generic questions. When I went to grab my coffee again, he quickly pulled out his phone and asked for my number.
I was, like, beyond shocked.
I mean, I didn't feel like I was giving off a flirtatious vibe at all. I'm 18, I've gone on dates and had boyfriends, so I know when I'm flirting. I didn't quite realize he was, either. I was especially shocked because he knew I was 18 and he was well beyond those years. I just awkwardly smiled and gave him my number, which was a big mistake, but I honestly did not know how to respond. I'm no good with rejecting guys, especially older ones' that remind me of my father.
Thing is, this isn't the first time an older gentleman has hit on me. More often, older men do than guys my age. I'm pretty sure I look my age, too. If anything, I've been told I look significantly younger than 18. So I'm at a complete loss as to why this keeps happening to me. I'm a very non confrontational person, I don't like conflict and I especially don't like being put on the spot.
Obviously, I regret giving out my number to someone I am definitely not interested in. But I don't know how to politely tell someone they're too old for my tastes, either. I mean, do I just flat out say, "No, you can't have it"? or "Heh, I'm 18 remember?"
I'm not quite sure how to handle these types scenarios, but I am quite done giving out my number to old guys that I, quite honestly, find immensely creepy.
Pedophile alert!
You don't have to tell him anything, much less--politely. Block his number, or don't respond when a number comes in that you don't recognize.
No, we are much closer in age, but even an age difference doesn't make someone a predator. My dad is about 12 yr older than my mom. One of his old partners has 20 yrs on his wife and I can even think of some of my friends that are dating guys much older than they are. I have no idea how old my boss is, but his gf was in some of my classes, but they have a noticeable age gap and my boss is one of the most charismatic people you could ever meet.
Yes, yes you are, that is exactly what you are saying. The age difference just means it was a long shot to begin with.
Why? He is still a guy and guys are attracted to pretty women. You weren't interested, and that's fine, but that doesn't mean another girl would not have been interested or that he should not have tried. Guys have to make the move if we want to get anywhere with girls. If instead of a 40 yr old you had a fat 20 yr old hitting on you, you might be similarly disgusted, but the guy still has to try.
A couple of years I ran into a woman at a bar that had to be at least 15/20 yrs older than me and she was interested in me, but that didn't make her a creep - it just made her human. And to tell you the truth, I might have even gone home with her that night if I didn't have to take my friends home. Emotionally, well adjusted people don't go around calling other people creeps just because they aren't interested.
I really don't know what else to say to this other than he's at least 20 years my senior and I made absolutely no move or hint to say that I was remotely interested.
I'm well-adjusted enough to know that it is inappropriate for a middle aged man to ask for my number when he knows I'm 18.
You don't have to tell him anything, much less--politely. Block his number, or don't respond when a number comes in that you don't recognize.
Lol technically she's legal but yeah its like me hitting on my son's friends in 6 more yrs.*ewwww*
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