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Old 02-01-2015, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,097 posts, read 37,751,245 times
Reputation: 73780

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyga View Post
I really don't know what else to say to this other than he's at least 20 years my senior and I made absolutely no move or hint to say that I was remotely interested.

I'm well-adjusted enough to know that it is inappropriate for a middle aged man to ask for my number when he knows I'm 18.
Lycos has a point.

For many men, it's a numbers game. They will see a woman and, as long as she IS at least 18, ask her out because if they don't, they will for sure never get a date.

This is something you need to understand about being asked out. It's not so much about YOU as it is about them.

He's thinking about his chances, not about the "special young woman you are and how OMG he should know that I would NEVER be interested in him!!"

That's why you need to have a neutral, direct response ready. Stop taking it personally. Just say no.

 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:49 PM
 
Location: St. Catharines, ON
718 posts, read 467,700 times
Reputation: 1022
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Lycos has a point.

For many men, it's a numbers game. They will see a woman and, as long as she IS at least 18, ask her out because if they don't, they will for sure never get a date.

This is something you need to understand about being asked out. It's not so much about YOU as it is about them.

He's thinking about his chances, not about the "special young woman you are and how OMG he should know that I would NEVER be interested in him!!"

That's why you need to have a neutral, direct response ready. Stop taking it personally. Just say no.
I'm not trying to come off as if I'm special or most-desireable by older men.

I'm trying to establish that there should be a sense of consciousness when you're hitting on a woman. If my age wasn't enough of a red flag, then he should've taken a hint to how I was acting. Nothing in my behaviour suggested that I was interested in him or looking for anything.

I'm not taking it personally. I'm sure he's not a bad guy. I just think that it's inappropriate.
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:49 PM
 
379 posts, read 312,916 times
Reputation: 345
Default "I get hit on more often by older men"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyga View Post
Again, incorrect. Perhaps you should read my OP thoroughly before replying. I mentioned that I get hit on more often by older men than I do younger/same age.
Low-hanging fruit. Are you chubby by any chance?
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:50 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,789 posts, read 64,258,962 times
Reputation: 68610
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyga View Post
Okay, well let me try to clarify.

I just spilled coffee all over the guy and he was very nice about it (whether he had ulterior motives in being so, maybe). But he made small talk, and he wasn't giving me any red flags, he just seemed like a nice guy (Perhaps I overestimate people). Now, I didn't see it coming when he asked for my number. Mind you, there were people around and after he dropped that little bomb, I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. The easiest way out, in that moment, seemed to give him my number. I panicked. I don't know how to react to "nice" (or seemingly, nice) people in a more "direct" way.
OP, this is a really good learning experience. I think what Wmsn4Life was trying to say is that you're not obligated to be nice to strangers, especially creepy ones, or anyone asking you for personal information.

Here's the thing. As women, we're raised and socialized to be "nice" to people, no matter who. This is a trap! This now ingrained reflex may endanger you someday. You need to de-program yourself a little, and learn to recognize a red flag, and be curt and to the point. "Oh, sorry, I don't give my number out to strangers", is still pretty polite. If someone's persistent or tries to get manipulative, it's ok to be rude. That's an important lesson: it's ok to be rude to people who are trying to cheat us (con artists, including fake solicitors by phone), or hurt us (sleazes trying to get too close to us, etc).

I know you're probably thinking, "Oh I could never do that!" Again, you should deprogram yourself, before you have to learn this the hard way. Seriously. There are a lot of not-nice and downright dangerous people out there. You need to learn to be more on your toes, more alert and assertive when necessary. (This doesn't mean going around paranoid.) You were caught by surprise this time, so you didn't know what to do, so you automatically fell back on a familiar pattern: "be nice". Next time, after discussion on this forum and some reflection on your part, hopefully you'll be better prepared mentally, and more savvy.

Best wishes. Stay safe.
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:50 PM
 
Location: St. Catharines, ON
718 posts, read 467,700 times
Reputation: 1022
Quote:
Originally Posted by justmeinca View Post
Low-hanging fruit. Are you chubby by any chance?
Lol fat girls get hit on by old guys?

No, I'm average.
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:51 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,565 posts, read 42,442,906 times
Reputation: 24873
Quote:
Originally Posted by justmeinca View Post
Low-hanging fruit. Are you chubby by any chance?
No rudeness she is very goodlooking.
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:51 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,097 posts, read 37,751,245 times
Reputation: 73780
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyga View Post
I'm not trying to come off as if I'm special or most-desireable by older men.

I'm trying to establish that there should be a sense of consciousness when you're hitting on a woman. If my age wasn't enough of a red flag, then he should've taken a hint to how I was acting. Nothing in my behaviour suggested that I was interested in him or looking for anything.

I'm not taking it personally. I'm sure he's not a bad guy. I just think that it's inappropriate.
The problem is that there won't always be a "sense of consciousness" like you want. You cannot tell all men how to act.

YOU are responsible for setting your own personal boundaries.

Until you realize that, you will continue to suffer through awkward encounters like this.
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:53 PM
 
Location: Earth
4,549 posts, read 3,508,290 times
Reputation: 6858
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyga View Post
Lol fat girls get hit on by old guys?

No, I'm average.
The poster was basically saying you must not be to attractive if you get attention from lots of old men. And they ask you out because they figure you can't do better because of less than great looks.

Rude, but many guys will say that. To them, if a girl is attractive then fellow attractive men will be interested. If they get alot of bad guys, or old men, then it's because they're ugly.
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:54 PM
 
Location: St. Catharines, ON
718 posts, read 467,700 times
Reputation: 1022
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
The problem is that there won't always be a "sense of consciousness" like you want. You cannot tell all men how to act.

YOU are responsible for setting your own personal boundaries.

Until you realize that, you will continue to suffer through awkward encounters like this.
No, I'm aware.

I'm taking accountability on my part. I can only control my actions, not other peoples'.

But I was just trying to put forward my thinking when the other poster mentioned that I wasn't well-adjusted because I didn't take it as a compliment, or that I had issues for finding that behaviour uncomfortable.
 
Old 02-01-2015, 09:54 PM
 
11,780 posts, read 8,216,231 times
Reputation: 3425
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyga View Post
I really don't know what else to say to this other than he's at least 20 years my senior and I made absolutely no move or hint to say that I was remotely interested.

I'm well-adjusted enough to know that it is inappropriate for a middle aged man to ask for my number when he knows I'm 18.
It's not inappropriate though. It was just a long shot. The age of consent is 18 in every state and 16 in about half. The fact that you weren't interested in him isn't what would make this inappropriate. It would be inappropriate if he was your HS teacher and he tried to date you while you were a student. It would be inappropriate if you or he were a prison guard and tried to have a sexual relationship with the other person. It would be inappropriate if he tried to take your clothes off after just meeting you. If you were 12 and he tried to get you to go with him that would be inappropriate. Him asking for a number isn't inappropriate, that's just what guys have to do. The fact that you weren't interested is really a separate issue and not the measure of appropriateness.
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