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Unless you are my wife, the fact that you are completely in debt up to your eyeballs is not my concern. If you were moving in with me and could not afford to contribute, I would not want you there. I would think you were doing it for the wrong reasons
In both cases, it was the men who wanted me to move in with them. They don't need a roommate. I never once said, "Oh hi, I'm poor, can I move in?" No, they wanted my companionship. And like I said, I pay 50%-75% of the utilities, I buy all the groceries, if allowed I pay 50% of the time when we go out, and I cook and clean. Would I feel better if I could also pay half of the rent? Of course, but if they don't care and reassure me that the home is also mine (not legally, but in their hearts), then who am I to argue?
That was the case with me, as well. I didn't seek out a situation where I was living in an apartment/house that someone else had chosen at a price point higher than I would have chosen on my own. I simply had a boyfriend who wanted me to live with him, and his place was higher rent than mine, and he didn't want to move to another place. I said, "Eh, I can rent my own place that's more in my budget," and he said, "No, just come here and if you insist on contributing, pay what your budget allows for." Fair enough, his call, a compromise was made, and I moved in at his request. *shrug* I was fine living on my own.
Unless you are my wife, the fact that you are completely in debt up to your eyeballs is not my concern. If you were moving in with me and could not afford to contribute, I would not want you there. I would think you were doing it for the wrong reasons
Some people move in together because they want to live with the other person. And sometimes one person can afford a more expensive place and would rather pay the bulk or all of the rent/mortgage and live there than live somewhere that their partner could afford as well. I'm not sure what is so hard to understand in this scenario…
As for the OP, to be honest, I can't remember everything. I know that when my husband and I started dating, we were both on tour but lived in different cities. When we left the tour, he started a different tour and I went back to where I had lived before. He would spend all of his breaks with me at my place but we weren't officially living together so he didn't pay any rent. Eventually, he spent his long breaks at my place (sometimes a few months between tours) and then I needed to move and asked him if he would be willing to pay $100 a month year round toward rent on a new place just to help me out since he stayed with me part of the time. Then, from there, we ended up splitting the rent since he started to consider it our apartment. I don't think he ever paid for any of the utilities or anything. Eventually, we got engaged, we got a joint account, we got married, we both stopped touring (we were both on tour the year we got married), and then it didn't matter who paid for what since it was all coming from the same place anyway!
It was never an issue and I can't remember ever fighting about money.
Some people move in together because they want to live with the other person. And sometimes one person can afford a more expensive place and would rather pay the bulk or all of the rent/mortgage and live there than live somewhere that their partner could afford as well. I'm not sure what is so hard to understand in this scenario…
Yeah, I don't get it, either.
I can see not wanting to be taken advantage of and have somebody scam you, but in the examples given, the higher-earning party was the one intiating the cohabiting. Critical thinking is key, as with everything. For both parties in that scenario.
I would have NEVER wanted my name put on the mortgage of my ex-boyfriend's house (and am so glad it was never on there, so that I got to walk away from the whole mess free and clear when we split and didn't have to go back and handle financial issues with him after the fact). But people did think that I was the one who got totally screwed over, financially, when we split, simply because I'd been helping him amass equity and had nothing to show for it. Again, though, I just looked at it as, "Eh, I'd have been paying somebody rent somewhere." So, the lesser of two evils was to pay him rent, which he was free to apply toward his mortgage.
^This is pretty close to our situation,and our solution. She pays half the total bills (Estimated to include Mortgage, utilities, etc...), I do all the maintenance and upkeep of the house (Roof, HVAC, etc.). We openly discussed the fact that I was building equity, but on the flip-side she is saving a lot compared to her rent. We both win.
If we part ways, we've both saved money. Had she of not moved in, I was actively preparing to rent a room to make ends meet. The plan is to NOT part ways.
On the downside, she has dogs (I LOVE (!) her dogs), and they do quite a bit of damage to the yard, and a lot of wear and tear on the inside of the house. I'll probably drop a few grand on a landscaper in the next month or two, just because of them. The floors will be pretty beat up after a few years, and much of the molding will need to be replaced. When people look at the whole picture, they sometimes miss details like this. I would imagine that if I were to sell my house today, the curb appeal is easily $10k less than it was just a few months ago. I don't mind, I'm in it for the long term and it's part of the package. Just understand that the "live as if she never existed" policy is not reality.
We are happy, I was just curious as to what others do. Mostly I feel lucky to have found each other. If we stay together, as is the wish, it's all moot.
Yep, there's some give and take and ups and downs involved in "renting" to somebody whose "rent" is helping your pay off your mortgage, on either side.
For your "renter," she's running the risk of sinking her money into helping you gain equity, and potentially seeing no personal benefit to that herself, should you part ways.
For you, you're dealing with the reality that having a "renter" means wear and tear beyond what you alone would have.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Myghost
Just understand that the "live as if she never existed" policy is not reality.
Well, anybody with even an ounce of critical thinking ability can see that that particular snippet of advice given was ridiculous and unrealistic.
Good question...I own my house, so I am not sure what would be appropriate. My mortgage isn't very high and I'm used to paying for everything on my own, however I can't imagine any guy would be okay living with me for free unless he was a total moocher, so I assume he would want to contribute. I know I wouldn't be okay moving in with someone and not helping to pay living expenses. I guess it really would depend how serious the relationship was as to what I was willing to do to as far as blending finances. When I was married we put our checks into the same account and paid bills out of that one account and that worked just fine. I don't want to be married sharing expenses like roommates, but to each his or her own. Just living together is different though. I will make money when/if I sell my house, so to put someone else's name on it would be a HUGE deal for me. I could get totally screwed over. Yet I can respect someone might not want to help me pay off a mortgage I'll make money on while they stand to get nothing from the deal.
That's why I don't ask for any living expenses, because it's my house, and when it sells, I will profit. That's why I also think it's important for her to hold on to her house, and get a renter. While I don't sweat the utilities, and other monthly bills, every female I lived with, would always start to pick up the bill, a little more with each month. I think it had to do with never asking, or expect anymore than to explore the relationship at a new level. I always thought that it is hard for an independent female to move in. She is giving up something she really worked hard at. Putting pressure, and requirements on her would definitely make the move less than ideal. I would just be happy to have them there, and like I said, they all started paying the monthly bills because that's they type of women I like, responsible one's, who don't feel comfortable using people...they really exist....lol...
I have gone through this in the past, and currently am. The way I work it is she pays ALL the utilities and all of the "eat-in" food and I pay the mortgage, insurance, taxes. It works out very much in her favor considering she is not paying rent.
This sounds reasonable to me, although yeah a little one sided but on the right track.
I don't think she should live there "for free" (contributing nothing to bills, food, etc) and I would think she would be uncomfortable with that! I definitely would be!
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