Do you date with serious relationship goals in mind? (movies, women, loving)
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I don't date anyone I wouldn't potentially marry. I just don't see the point otherwise. Dating for fun feels like a waste of my time and energy, when I could be spending that time and energy on family/friends/people I already know and like. I'm not out to collect a bunch of male friends nor do I really want any. It just doesn't add anything of value to my life, personally
Did you always want to have just one child? Or after you had that child you made that decision
I actually always wanted at least two (or even three). My ex was the "one and done" person. At this point in my life though, I don't want to have more (even though I can).
Okay, now I'm very young, so marriage and children aren't necessarily "goals". However, when I date, although I'm not looking for a soulmate or sperm donor, I am looking for something long term. For me, if the guy is mediocre and not someone I would see myself ending up with, then what's the point? I mean, healthy relationships (in my opinion) require a lot of time and effort. Why would I waste my time trying to make something work that I don't really care for? Cute guys are a lot of fun, and dating is supposed to be fun, but if he's not really boyfriend material then I would rather pass up. The point being, no, he doesn't have to someone that I bring home to mom right away, but there has to be potential.
And I'm all about playing the field. I think you need to date a lot in order to figure out what you really want from a relationship and how you can align those expectations with someone elses'. Some people are unrealistic and others settle way too easily - it's just a bad idea to stick with the first guy that shows promise. However, I think it's important that he shows some promise, before you invest your time.
I hated dating, but when I found someone I connected with it was a lot more fun. We don't really have any serious future plans in mind, but it sure makes life more enjoyable.
I don't care for being around people I don't know, I have to force myself to do it. It took nearly a month for me to feel comfortable around my girlfriend, she was patient enough to stick around. Lol
I think I understand why this forum is so often [Bleep!]. People here don't really seem to enjoy dating. Its like they view it as a chore.
I wouldn't do it at all if I viewed it as a chore.
I don't view dating as a chore at all. I've been on dates that were great and I've been on dates that were not so great. Then there's that really wide area of dates in between. It just depends on what you're looking for. Like Jillabean, she is just looking for companionship, while everyone she encounters is looking for something more serious. At a later date, she could be looking for something serious, and everyone she encounters is just looking for companionship.
That could be where people view dating as a chore. They aren't getting matched up with the person that fits their current mental and emotional state. I do understand how that can get old for the people that did not intentionally become serial daters. I can say that for a while, I became one, because I kept meeting different types of women. I didn't really focus on any particular type to meet and that's where I found myself getting a little wore out with the process.
I suppose my response will be invalid since I am in my 20s....
But I will only date if I really like the person and want to be in a relationship with them. I don't really see dating as something to play around and have fun with. It can send mix signals and people can get their feelings hurt if they don't make their intentions clear.
But for the OP, I can understand why she would want to just have a companion or someone she can just chill with and have fun with. She has already been married and probably just doesn't want to deal with the stress of it anymore. Not everyone is built for marriage.
For me it is difficult it is hard to find candidates to date. I'm even attracted to any of the guys who approach me, it's rare for me to even like someone these days, so dating is not high on my priority list. I am not going to let it get to me if I don't ever run into someone I can connect with and share an intimate bond with.
No, not invalid... you are just at a different stage of life than I am. Like you said, I've been married, had a child (whom I am now raising), and now I am just looking for a companion and lover in life. I just don't understand (I guess) why more men at this same stage of life as I am, don't feel the same, "been there, done that" way. Especially after being though divorce (no walk in the park).
I just wanted to get a feel for things to see if I am the outlier on this.
I want a connection and a bond, I just want it to come naturally, over time. When the men I date come into like dating is a business plan with objectives, everything feels unnatural and rushed to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
I think I understand why this forum is so often [Bleep!]. People here don't really seem to enjoy dating. Its like they view it as a chore.
I wouldn't do it at all if I viewed it as a chore.
I'll never forget the man I dated (had a wonderful first date with him... spend 6 hours in a Chili's just talking!) who brought up his "five year plan." He was going to meet a woman, date for a year, get married, then retire from the Marines, then move to Kentucky with his wife. He asked me if I could "see myself in that plan." Nice guy, I liked him, would have loved to date him since we got along so well... but I had to tell him the truth and say, "no, I don't plan to remarry at this point." He was nice about it all, wished me luck and I him. Still...
He was an extreme example of a man with a plan (the most extreme I ran into), most men will tell me they are "looking for a woman to marry" and just leave it at that. One man told me he wanted a "domestic partner" (which, let's be honest, is marriage-lite). But the underlying feeling is still the same for me.
I wanted more from him in that I wanted to know for certain (because it was long distance) if I should keep coming out to see him. It cost a lot of money to fly out there to see him and time off work. I would ask him, "hey, I am planning to come out there on __, is that a good time for you?" I wouldn't get an answer--and that's what frustrated me. I never asked him for any kind of commitment other than committing to dates where I could come out there and stay with him.
So yes, in that respect I asked for a commitment of time. I don't think that's so weird. And yes, it hurt when it ended because I had pretty strong feelings for him and wanted to keep dating him. But that's not what this post is about anyway... I am talking about people who want seriously committed relationships (AKA marriage) as a goal to dating (or any goal). I just wanted to date him, have fun, enjoy his company and love... maybe at most he might end up being a boyfriend, that's it (it was a maybe, not a "plan" or "goal". I never wanted to marry my scuba friend. Besides, that's all in the past and I don't really care anymore--it's not important going forward.
This is a double edged sword. It will depend on how both of you feel about marriage. My ultimate goal is marriage, but I'm perfectly fine with having a relationship with someone and seeing if we're kindred spirits to marry each other. I'm not the type who's went out on three dates with a woman and I'm talking about marriage with that person. That's too much too soon.
Yet, I don't want to be consistently seeing someone on a regular basis and I'm invested in the long-term and they aren't being upfront with what they want from me. As in, I'm wanting long-term and they're just wanting casual, but not opening up and saying that. That's where the problem lies for me and likely most people.
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Nice guy, I liked him, would have loved to date him since we got along so well... but I had to tell him the truth and say, "no, I don't plan to remarry at this point." He was nice about it all, wished me luck and I him. Still... 
