U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-02-2015, 12:32 PM
 
32,964 posts, read 22,880,151 times
Reputation: 29980

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post

I agree with this. Sort of. Everyone has some intent or purpose in going on a date, or they wouldn't be going. My intent and purpose on a date was always "Let's see if there are any meaningful compatibilities...and also see any readily observable incompatibilities." While I never ended a date with, "Yeah, I could definitely hypothetically marry that guy," it was much easier to know, "Yeah, I could definitely NEVER marry that guy," in much shorter order. And, again, when I was in my twenties, my intent in dating was to have fun, nothing more. In my thirties, it was to have fun and potentially make a lasting, meaningful connection with somebody with similar goals. Did not care so much about that in my twenties. It was more just something social to do.

Sure. Yeah. There is intent. To have fun while getting to know someone.

I think I'd like to get married someday. More and more I think the person I'm seeing now is not that person. But of course I love going on dates with her. That's fine. I have little doubt we'll be good friends whenever this runs its course.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-02-2015, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
2,391 posts, read 1,719,966 times
Reputation: 1915
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
That's different. If I ask someone out, I EXPECT to pay every time.

But that isn't the reality of what happens.

Actually, it's not different. I agree with what you're saying here, but to Joe's point, he DOES expect to pay every time he goes out regardless of who did the asking because of his genitalia. That's what I don't agree with.

We went out last night to watch the big game. She asked me to hang out. I bought her drinks throughout the night and she bought the meal she ate. There have been occasions where she's bought my drinks as well. That's the give and take I support.


Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
A date is a date is a date. Having "intent" or "purpose" when going on dates is a great way to 1) not have fun dating 2) not have success dating. People, even people that want to get married, generally really get turned off by intent and purpose (other than having fun) in dating I've found.
This is just not true. Some people go out to date while they're NOT looking for a relationship, nor do they want one. They simply want some company for the evening. Some refer to it as casual encounters. That is very much different from people who are dating to possibly find a romantic interest.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-02-2015, 12:40 PM
 
32,964 posts, read 22,880,151 times
Reputation: 29980
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur View Post

This is just not true. Some people go out to date while they're NOT looking for a relationship, nor do they want one. They simply want some company for the evening. Some refer to it as casual encounters. That is very much different from people who are dating to possibly find a romantic interest.

Its still a date. There is nothing different. You go see a band, or have drinks, or dinner and talk and laugh and have fun. A date is a date.

Looking for someone to insert into your life that you have in your mind (not just you, anyone) makes no sense. Things happen as they happen. Every person is different. It makes no sense to try to find someone to plug into a predetermined role. Its a great way to not have any fun while dating too.

And plenty of people fall for people when they're not looking for a relationship or just want something casual. And that makes a lot of sense. They're not auditioning people or putting pressure on themselves or the situation and things happen organically.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-02-2015, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,835 posts, read 39,594,721 times
Reputation: 48660
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Sure. Yeah. There is intent. To have fun while getting to know someone.

I think I'd like to get married someday. More and more I think the person I'm seeing now is not that person. But of course I love going on dates with her. That's fine. I have little doubt we'll be good friends whenever this runs its course.
It's super fine, as long as she is not for some reason under the impression that you ARE looking toward marriage with her, and that she's on the same page, as far as not particularly wanting to marry you, and likewise realizes that things are going to eventually run their course. I would presume that in your situation, you've not indicated that you ARE looking toward marriage with her, or anything.

Sometimes, that's not the case. I was completely in the dark that the guy I'd been living with for five years was NOT looking toward eventual marriage (mainly because, uh, we'd talked considerably and at length numerous times over the course of the years about how we WERE looking toward eventual marriage, where we'd get married, what we thought about kids, LOL), until the night he came home from work at told me that he wasn't, and that I'd have to leave, so he could move somebody else in.

As long as you're upfront about the fact that you're not looking at it as a long-term/"forever" thing, where's the issue?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-02-2015, 12:43 PM
 
32,964 posts, read 22,880,151 times
Reputation: 29980
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur View Post
Actually, it's not different. I agree with what you're saying here, but to Joe's point, he DOES expect to pay every time he goes out regardless of who did the asking because of his genitalia. That's what I don't agree with.

We went out last night to watch the big game. She asked me to hang out. I bought her drinks throughout the night and she bought the meal she ate. There have been occasions where she's bought my drinks as well. That's the give and take I support.
.

Its completely different. Paying every time you go out, and expecting to pay every time are completely different notions. I do expect to pay every time I ask someone out. Of course that doesn't happen (duh).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-02-2015, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
2,391 posts, read 1,719,966 times
Reputation: 1915
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Its still a date. There is nothing different. You go see a band, or have drinks, or dinner and talk and laugh and have fun. A date is a date.

Looking for someone to insert into your life that you have in your mind (not just you, anyone) makes no sense. Things happen as they happen. Every person is different. It makes no sense to try to find someone to plug into a predetermined role. Its a great way to not have any fun while dating too.

And plenty of people fall for people when they're not looking for a relationship or just want something casual. And that makes a lot of sense. They're not auditioning people or putting pressure on themselves or the situation and things happen organically.
My only point is that if it's the kind of date I described above (casual encounters), both parties should be willing to pay their own way. If you want to be nice and pay from time to time, that's fine. But I think the expectation in those situations should be pay your own way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-02-2015, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,835 posts, read 39,594,721 times
Reputation: 48660
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Its completely different. Paying every time you go out, and expecting to pay every time are completely different notions. I do expect to pay every time I ask someone out. Of course that doesn't happen (duh).
Likewise. If I do the inviting, it's a given that I'm offering to pay.

I also never, ever went out on a first date (regardless of who did the inviting), without being prepared to offer to pay at least my portion, pick up the drink tab, something.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-02-2015, 12:46 PM
 
32,964 posts, read 22,880,151 times
Reputation: 29980
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur View Post
My only point is that if it's the kind of date I described above (casual encounters), both parties should be willing to pay their own way. If you want to be nice and pay from time to time, that's fine. But I think the expectation in those situations should be pay your own way.

A "casual encounter" is a sex hook up term.

I don't worry about the money thing so much. That doesn't sound like much fun.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-02-2015, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
2,391 posts, read 1,719,966 times
Reputation: 1915
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Its completely different. Paying every time you go out, and expecting to pay every time are completely different notions. I do expect to pay every time I ask someone out. Of course that doesn't happen (duh).
If I'm asking her out on a date, then I do. If we're just hanging out somewhere, then I don't.

As always, this is my opinion of course.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-02-2015, 12:47 PM
 
1,287 posts, read 895,343 times
Reputation: 1716
I've never dated strictly to find a serious relationship. Every ltr came unexpectedly. I dated for companionship, and to meet/experience new people. It's the only time you can really sample what's out there. Over the years, my choice of women really changed. Looking back I realized that I missed out on some outstanding women, only because I was narrow minded about the type I dated. I believe, that if I was always looking for someone to marry/get serious with, I would have never had the opportunity to meet so many cool and interesting ladies.

I've always been very independent, and it's been a problem for a lot of women. Independence distracted me, so I was never the type to demand time from a woman. I never cared if she went out with friends, because I had other things I could do. Being laid back didn't always work for women that I dated in my twenties. They always mistook my independence, for not caring about them.

When I turned 30, and I started meeting a lot of women who were single mothers/career minded women. I found that they had a greater appreciation for my independence. I really learned to be aware of what women go through during my early thirties. I found that the way I approached relationships fit perfectly for single mothers and career women. Serious relationships take work, and finding someone who will be a great fit can be tough to find. So instead of focusing only on that, I went the wholesale route, choosing to sample many, to narrow it down.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top