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Old 02-02-2015, 08:48 PM
 
4,227 posts, read 3,028,074 times
Reputation: 6939

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As a single father, whoever you date should be fine with your having children because you never know whether the relationship may become serious. You obviously like this woman a lot, and would welcome a more serious turn in a relationship with her.

However, she does not want to deal with your children. You cannot change this. Don't try to pressure this woman into something she doesn't want. You have to let her go.

Children are a huge deal in relationships. People are quite right to carefully consider what they are getting into when they get involved with someone with children and an ex.

You are going to have to accept the fact that some women will not want to be with you because of your children. Move on and find someone who can accept your situation.
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Old 02-02-2015, 11:14 PM
 
894 posts, read 797,661 times
Reputation: 2627
OP, it's not like your children are tweens or teens and at that stage where they just want to go off with their friends. Your children are babies, that means round the clock attention and care from you and any woman that's with you in a serious relationship. The idea of being responsible for another woman's toddlers isn't going to appeal to most women. You might be better off dating someone who already has kids.
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Old 02-03-2015, 01:41 AM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,140 posts, read 1,105,518 times
Reputation: 3677
She might want to have her own children someday, and to experience parenthood for the first time together with her husband.

Date other single parents.
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Old 02-03-2015, 05:39 AM
 
521 posts, read 467,287 times
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Since you are the one in your present situation, you are going to have to do what you think is best. If we continue this debate long enough, the kids will have graduated from college and your course of action will be clear.
Since time and tide waits for no man, you are going to have to act now. I always think it's amusing when people advise each other to not think about something that is so huge it can't be ignored at all. Have you ever heard the advice, "Try not to think about it!" Great advice...a meteor is hurtling towards you and your friend advises you to NOT think about it.
So it is with this lady from your past. I am so against walking into water if you don't want to get wet in the first place. This is not Hollywood, this is real life.
My advice is to talk about this situation with her now. I am very careful about important issues but maybe that's just me. When I met my husband, I asked him a few questions that were very important to me, within one minute of meeting him. The answers were right so I continued from there. I sincerely wish you the best of luck with this lady but truth be told, the 'wait a year' theory after a major life event (divorce) might be in order here.

Last edited by Southern Star; 02-03-2015 at 05:58 AM..
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Old 02-03-2015, 05:52 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,534 posts, read 19,402,289 times
Reputation: 11407
Look, it's not fair to her.

You're infatuated and on the rebound. If you truly cared for her, you'd back away and let her find another guy.
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Old 02-03-2015, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Terra
2,827 posts, read 3,050,760 times
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I can't believe nobody else has asked, how is the OP sure the 1-year old is his? You only caught her cheating that one time (?). That's cutting it awful close, even if it was right after you found out.

She could have been messing around well before that.
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Old 02-03-2015, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Greater LA area
15,736 posts, read 11,738,008 times
Reputation: 30547
I would go for it ... and keep the dating separate from the kids.

Main reasons not to date a parent:

1. Drama with baby mama - you said there is none.
2. Broke due to child support - you said there is none.
3. No time because children come first - you said you only have them every other weekend
4. Wanting to experience childhood together for the first time - I think that can be overcome
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Old 02-03-2015, 02:27 PM
 
Location: Terra
2,827 posts, read 3,050,760 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
4. Wanting to experience childhood together for the first time - I think that can be overcome
Depends on the person. I have the same deal breaker reason. This deal breaker for me would not be overcome by anything.

Unless she was hot and rich.
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Old 02-03-2015, 08:39 PM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 4,250,302 times
Reputation: 3980
Quote:
Originally Posted by imjusthere View Post
Hello,

I know this is a common topic.... but I would like to get some advice. ive been out of the whole dating scene for quite a few years now and Ive been talking to this AMAZING woman for a few months now.... she is actually an ex gf from 9 years ago that we never really had closure when we broke up on both sides....I would love to date her and treat her they way she deserves to be treated again... pampering all of that... well her ONLY hang up with dating me is that I have children from a marriage..... she has mentioned numerous times that I have everything she wants in a man... sweet, attentitive, caring, good job, etc..... but she just isn't sure she wants to date someone with kids.... is there a way to "convince" her that this may be a great thing or should I just say forget it?.... all the signs and signals that she has been giving me are that she wants to date me.... ie we started texting a little then it went to hanging out alone to hanging out and flirting and texting constantly through out the day to phone calls here and there to now talking for hours at a time every day and other signals as well like hearing from her friends that she has missed having a relationship with me after all these years and friends saying she has told them shes getting feelings for me again.... so im not sure what to do from here any help would be appreciated....
Old-fashioned viewpoint: define 'date.'
The most important bit of advice I can give to any single parent (male or female) is keep your kids out of your social life.
With that in mind, I think you should have a frank talk with her on the subject of what you and she want past the present day- if either is looking for something serious it probably won't work, but if all you both want is to spend time together and have fun together there shouldn't be a problem.
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Old 02-03-2015, 10:06 PM
 
Location: H-town, TX.
3,398 posts, read 5,460,110 times
Reputation: 2104
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sage 80 View Post
As a single father, whoever you date should be fine with your having children because you never know whether the relationship may become serious. You obviously like this woman a lot, and would welcome a more serious turn in a relationship with her.

However, she does not want to deal with your children. You cannot change this. Don't try to pressure this woman into something she doesn't want. You have to let her go.

Children are a huge deal in relationships. People are quite right to carefully consider what they are getting into when they get involved with someone with children and an ex.

You are going to have to accept the fact that some women will not want to be with you because of your children. Move on and find someone who can accept your situation.
Exactly. A big, fat "forget it".

OP, she was hoping you'd get the hint. If a member of the "caring and nurturing" gender is less than enthused about your attachments, then you need to mind that.

Finding a woman with kids who is fine with a man having kids in tow is no sure thing, either.
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