U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-04-2015, 12:52 PM
 
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
3,691 posts, read 2,643,438 times
Reputation: 1634

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anabasis X View Post
Men who get to pass on their genes are winners and those that don't are losers.
Some don't desire children, though. Many alpha males who are successful with persuading women to have sex with them don't want children.

I'm mostly a beta male, and there were times when I was younger that I wanted children, but I haven't wanted that since I got out of the USN in 2003. I've had so many negative experiences, and not enough positive ones. Especially in terms of having feelings for people who did not reciprocate those feelings (no one has ever reciprocated). I'm pretty sure I would not be a good father emotionally, and financially it would be one of the worst things that could happen, right now.

It is ironic because at least one of the girls I've always had feelings for has a lot of pressure to have children, to carry on her martial arts legacy, so merely based on that, I would not be right for her, because I don't want children. It doesn't matter of course because she doesn't like me. She got married to somebody else. Her little sister doesn't want children, and I have recently realized that I have feelings for the little sister also, but again, no reciprocation. At least not that I know of; she hasn't said anything. It wouldn't work anyway because of the negative reaction from me telling her mom that I was depressed because the big sister got married. The little sister was the one I usually talked to when we were kids, and I have come to realize that feelings had developed back then, even though at the time I was thinking of her big sister.

Quote:
For most women, 5 minutes with a man who displays alpha traits is more valuable than a lifetime with a beta doormat.
It's unfortunate that women often say they want someone who's nice and would be there for them, etc., but in the end, they go for the alpha. At least, that's what mainstream women do. Some women are more dominant themselves and therefore would be more interested in someone like me, in theory.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-04-2015, 12:56 PM
 
Location: My House
33,055 posts, read 26,861,279 times
Reputation: 24400
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anabasis X View Post
Its my opinion, as stated at the very top of the post. Not only that, all those concepts are either scientifically proven and based on human biology, nature, and observed in everyday life.

" There are plenty of shy men who are nice to women and who defend women who are married, have kids, are happy with their lives."

Right. All those shy nice guys have so much success in the dating world, that they decide to become invisible to the opposite sex between ages of 18-38 and then cash in when their careers are established. "Just be nice and shy" should be the default dating advice to all young men. haha
Umm... I would ask your college for a refund if you got a degree in biology, sociology, or psychology, man.

I know some shy guys who are happily married and they're not over the age of 38.

I didn't say SOCIALLY ANXIOUS AND PAINFULLY SHY. It's hard for women who are like that to meet people, too. But, it's not the fault of society... it's just something those individuals have to deal with.

Therapy is a good starting point.

I don't know what makes people think that "success in the dating world" is something that ought to be guaranteed to them like, say, breathable oxygen or drinkable water.

You have to work at being attractive to the opposite sex. Not saying a person cannot be his/her self, it's just that the INDIVIDUAL has to choose what tradeoffs to make. Prefer to stay shy and not put much thought into your wardrobe or social skills? You may be limiting your options.

Eh. It's what you make it. The one thing it is NOT is "society's fault."

Hell, all these whiners are PART OF SOCIETY. They can change it if they try.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2015, 12:58 PM
 
Location: My House
33,055 posts, read 26,861,279 times
Reputation: 24400
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
There is a concept, biologically, of an alpha male. It is legitimate. It just doesn't apply to humans (it only did in one small region of the world for a long ago period of time) as we don't have the mating system (a harem) that the alpha terminology applies to. That is why people don't use it (seriously) with humans.

These people tossing around biological terms should stop until they've actually studied biology.
This.

We're humans. We're not lions.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2015, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Oregon, formerly Texas
5,242 posts, read 3,393,710 times
Reputation: 8783
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31 View Post
What men view as a "normal" amount vs. what women view as a "normal" amount is VASTLY different. OKCupid has produced a book that does all sorts of statistical analyses of these things (for math nerds like myself), and in a nutshell: almost all women get a lot of messages, particularly when compared to men.

To specifically address your estimate, and to make it as good of an "apples to apples" comparison as possible, 80% of messages go to the top 60% of women (as rated by men in looks), which isn't all that crazy....and is certainly WAY more than 20%. (fun bonus fact: women rated 80% of men as "below average").
I'm a stats nerd too so I need to read that book.

I bet that has to do with the overvaluation issue.

From my anecdotal experience, the older I've gotten, the higher my success rate is, especially if I message women +/- 3 years of my own age. In fact now that I think about it, among that selection, I get a response well more than half the time. The men I'm competing with, especially in my age range - do not seem great. From looking at some of my female friends' inboxes, at least half of their messages are of the "hey cutie" variety without much more and often sexually explicit. My favorite were the types that start "normal" - and then a few messages later out of the blue they bomb her with a proposition to get a hotel room that night or send penis pictures.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2015, 01:04 PM
 
Location: My House
33,055 posts, read 26,861,279 times
Reputation: 24400
Quote:
Originally Posted by redguard57 View Post
I'm a stats nerd too so I need to read that book.

I bet that has to do with the overvaluation issue.

From my anecdotal experience, the older I've gotten, the higher my success rate is, especially if I message women +/- 3 years of my own age. In fact now that I think about it, among that selection, I get a response well more than half the time. The men I'm competing with, especially in my age range - do not seem great. From looking at some of my female friends' inboxes, at least half of their messages are of the "hey cutie" variety without much more and often sexually explicit. My favorite were the types that start "normal" - and then a few messages later out of the blue they bomb her with a proposition to get a hotel room that night or send penis pictures.
This is because you're an intelligent person who has identified a promising market segment.

You keep on being you. Let the rest of those dudes go looking for 18yo women because they couldn't date any in high school or college and/or they're going through a midlife crisis and think dating a 20something will magically make them younger.

Or whatever nonsense makes men deliberately look for women who have MANY more favorable options.

You'll find some pretty decent women sticking reasonably close to your age bracket while looking around online.

Not to say that you could not find some widening your net. Of course, you could.

Away from the OLD scene, you could walk into the supermarket and meet a woman 8 years older than you (or 8 years younger) and you two could really hit it off. OLD is just a different animal entirely.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2015, 01:08 PM
 
Location: Oregon, formerly Texas
5,242 posts, read 3,393,710 times
Reputation: 8783
Quote:
Way from the OLD scene, you could walk into the supermarket and meet a woman 8 years older than you (or 8 years younger) and you two could really hit it off. OLD is just a different animal entirely.
Yeah, online magnifies weird things out of proportion. People get super-picky about stupid stuff.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2015, 01:19 PM
 
Location: USA
2,580 posts, read 3,433,349 times
Reputation: 2220
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meyerland View Post
True! Some women are equally looking for a hook up.
But unfortunately they're the types that you wouldn't wanna touch with a 50 foot pole in most cases LOL!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2015, 01:24 PM
 
11,780 posts, read 8,207,985 times
Reputation: 3425
Quote:
Originally Posted by redguard57 View Post
Also, in my area - a small to medium sized town - there is not anything close to 10:1 guy:girl ratio.

There are always more men than women but it's more like 2:1 or 3:1 at the worst. I've created fake profiles and scoped out my competition, and my "real" competitors that are at my level are about the same number as in real life.

Actually the ratio is better than in a lot of real-life situations becasuse all of those women online are actively looking. I can go to a Zumba class at the gym where I'm one of 3 guys and 20 women, but how many of them are actively seeking a partner? 5 at best, and maybe only 2 of them are your type or vice versa & age appropriate - putting the ratio in a similar place.

I read somewhere that the chances of any person of the opposite sex you encounter at any given time being in a relationship are about 80%. So of all the people you meet going here and there... 4 out of 5 are not interested.
Except the women in Zumba or Yoga are real. They may not be looking for a relationship and may not be available, but by meeting them in person you have made a connection and I think that is more important because something absurdly high - like 80% - of people meet their SO through their social circle. I'm not sure the same can be said for online profiles... Okcupid published an article some time ago on how women viewed the men and how men viewed the women. What they found was that while the men viewed most women as average the women viewed most of the men as below average.

Here's the article. Guys tend to write the more attractive women even though the female attractiveness follows a typical bell curve, but the women only adjust their messages somewhat despite finding 80% of the guys less than average.

Your Looks and Your Inbox « OkTrends

Graphically:



Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2015, 01:25 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,659 posts, read 64,111,757 times
Reputation: 68406
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedZin View Post
Umm... I would ask your college for a refund if you got a degree in biology, sociology, or psychology, man.

I know some shy guys who are happily married and they're not over the age of 38.
Some women go for shy guys. They go for shy guys even in college or as recent grads. They figure the shy guys are the steady guys, the good providers, the ones least likely to cheat. These are women who avoid the flashy guys, the over-confident ones, the ones who dominate the conversation with no regard for anyone else. I've known women who chased after the shy, nerdy guy they had a thing for, and they eventually married that guy. Some of the guys here need to get their face out of the men's blogs and pay attention to the reality going on around them. Reality is very different from theory. Reality is full of counter-intuitive truths. Reality is messy, and doesn't fit into preconceived formulas, especially not formulas of the MRA/PUA kind.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2015, 01:26 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,659 posts, read 64,111,757 times
Reputation: 68406
Quote:
Originally Posted by redguard57 View Post
Yeah, online magnifies weird things out of proportion. People get super-picky about stupid stuff.
hahaha! This sums it up! Make it a sticky!

/thread
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top