Does OLD create an over abundance of male attention for women? (dating, wife)
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This isn't going to be just another OLD thread. Read on. The laws of supply and demand state that when supply goes up and demand remains the same that the value of the commodity goes down.
Back before the internet everyone met people face to face or through friends. That means that both men and women received roughly the same amount of exposure to the opposite sex depending upon their daily activities. Women only came across a limited number of men to date and chose someone among them. Now comes digital dating with OKcupid, Match, POF, Facebook, and Tinder. The dating pool for women increased exponentially. Men IMO are shooting themselves in the foot by our own nature of being the initiator. Where before we would meet people face to face which took time, now a man can send a few dozen messages a day to various women online in only an hour or two.
BOOM the supply of male attention has suddenly gone way up. Demand for male attention is still the same. Now women are getting dozens of messages a day from men so they don't feel the need to message anyone back. Meeting men IRL loses its value and importance when in the back of her head she knows he has a constant supply of other men wanting to meet her from her online presence. Women have become really picky and choosey with dating because they have a ton of male attention.
Here is a youtube video of a woman that had 30 dates like another poster here and none of the men qualified for a 2nd date. While she has a decent face and hair, she is a good 15-20 pounds over weight for my tastes. She has a big check list of what she looks for in a man but nowhere does she mention what she has to offer.
For the men this is causing a lot of resentment toward women. You can see it from all the youtube and internet rants men have about women. It in some way men's own fault for causing an over abundance of supply of male attention but don't see what can be done about that. For the women that say don't do OLD do real life dating, it also crosses over to there too. Like I said 30 dates, no relationship yet. How many guys here cannot find one woman to be interested in after 30 dates? How many guys can even get 30 dates within a reasonable amount of time?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanaguy04
For the men this is causing a lot of resentment toward women. You can see it from all the youtube and internet rants men have about women
Hey, there have been loser petty whiny boys in every generation. Nothing new. It's a minority now and it always was. They just have platforms for getting out their whiny rants where before they were dismissed for the brats they are.
Women have always received attention since the dawn of time. It is nothing new. I go out with my female friends to bars, shows, events, etc and there is loads of attention they receive. It's been like that forever.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanaguy04
How many guys here cannot find one woman to be interested in after 30 dates? How many guys can even get 30 dates within a reasonable amount of time?
Me, and I'm an average (at best) looking dude that doesn't earn much, is bald, wears glasses, etc.
I guess what is reasonable amount of time is up to opinion. I've had active summers when doing OLD where I definitely had 15-20. And found no one I wanted a relationship with. That is when I first started with OLD in my early 30s. I was doing it wrong. I was treating it as a numbers game and pretty much going out with anyone that was up for going out. Of course my tactics weren't successful. I was using a scattergun approach. I refined that and became much much more selective, writing very few people, and have far more success in my late 30s.
OP, the example in the vid is extreme. However, having criteria and sizing men up is something women have always done. This is nothing new. It has nothing to do with OLD. What I've heard women say who do OLD, though, is that it's the new meat market for men; "men are like kids in a candy store" because they have whole online catalogs of women to choose from. And men use OLD to play women; once they get what they want from one woman, they'll dump her and move on to the next. I've heard both those criticisms a lot.
So apparently it's very easy for a good number of men to pick up women on OLD. We don't seem to hear from those here on C-D, though.
Online can be good or bad. Oddly I've always gotten more attention offline than online. I think it has raised the bar on standards which can be picky but there have always been picky people.
I just don't think OLD is as great for women as the OP thinks it is. Lots of women have never used it and have no desire to start. For those of us who do use it, it's not exactly an endless showering of attention from men. It's full of liars, flakes, and people who you just aren't interested in.
Women have always received attention since the dawn of time. It is nothing new. I go out with my female friends to bars, shows, events, etc and there is loads of attention they receive. It's been like that forever.
You'd think it was to listen to some of the women posters around here. As it often the case, you have to take the word of your experiences over the words of those online.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
OP, the example in the vid is extreme. However, having criteria and sizing men up is something women have always done. This is nothing new. It has nothing to do with OLD. What I've heard women say who do OLD, though, is that it's the new meat market for men; "men are like kids in a candy store" because they have whole online catalogs of women to choose from. And men use OLD to play women; once they get what they want from one woman, they'll dump her and move on to the next. I've heard both those criticisms a lot.
So apparently it's very easy for a good number of men to pick up women on OLD. We don't seem to hear from those here on C-D, though.
The OKC book "Dataclysm" has a ton of data on this, and actually suggests that it's the other way around (regarding the "kid in a candy store" analogy). Obviously, the variety of people available in OLD form are greater than who we typically interact with from day to day, so the "increase" in standards, so to speak, occurs with both genders.
However, it's the women that are more capable of acting on them than men. The data shows what we see every day anyway...that most everybody goes/lusts after the hottest people. But there's a couple of factors from the book that indicate a difference:
1) Women actually tend to "agree" more on who is attractive and who isn't (that one shocked me, tbh...I would have guessed the other way around)
2) Average women have more success pursuing "hot" men than average men do with "hot" women (to address your statement about women getting played). The hot men and women of both genders get tons of messages. But the men are more likely to respond. If the women did, we'd be hearing more stories about men getting played (or whatever the inverse is...I would suggest "used")
As for why we don't hear about them: We do on occasion, but typically they're passed off as liars. Also, those who have more success with social experiences aren't as likely to discuss them online. Because they're off being social
I just don't think OLD is as great for women as the OP thinks it is. Lots of women have never used it and have no desire to start. For those of us who do use it, it's not exactly an endless showering of attention from men. It's full of liars, flakes, and people who you just aren't interested in.
Does OLD create an over abundance of male attention for women?
I highly doubt OLD creates an overabundance of male attention for gals.
Women have become really picky and choosey with dating because they have a ton of male attention.
More likely gals have become really picky and choosey because a relationship is seen as an accessory not a necessity. It's nice to have but not the end all be all. There's a bit less stigma for a single gal and
gals no longer require a guy for financial survival. She has a big check list of what she looks for in a man but nowhere does she mention what she has to offer.
Likely she does not mention what she has to offer as the perception is what does she want in a partner.
For the men this is causing a lot of resentment toward women.
Meh I imagine guys already had a lot of resentment towards gals so to me this is a wash.
How many guys here cannot find one woman to be interested in after 30 dates?
Probably plenty of guys if the guy is thinking long-term partner rather than long-term sex. I find guys approach dating quite differently from gals and instead look for an attractive gal to have sex with who they also hang out with rather than a potential partner/wife/mother.
How many guys can even get 30 dates within a reasonable amount of time? Probably a quarter if they lower their standards.
I think online dating stinks. Some people like it and it's all good for them, but I don't like it (even if I cold easily get dates). I suggest anyone who doesn't like it or finds himself turning bitter or disillusioned to do what I did and just turn it off and go out into the "offline world" instead.
Although I disagree with the premise that, "The dating pool for women increased exponentially." Well, I just think it's incomplete, the dating pool for EVERYONE increased exponentially with online dating. But I don't know if it's a good thing. In economics (if you want to use that example) there is something called choice overload where, when presented with too many choices, people "can't" decide.
Quote:
Fifty-seven varieties. Thirty-one flavors. We all like options. In fact, the more choices the better, right? Wrong. When put to the test, the “more is better” theory doesn’t hold much water. Rather, it’s been found time and again, too many options can actually be a hindrance. Turns out, our ability to make good decisions fades when we’re faced with an abundance of choice. In this case, we oftentimes end up not making a decision or are ultimately unhappy with our outcome...
In the same vein, retailers are finding too many choices are bad for sales. In one famous experiment, Columbia University expert Sheena Iyengar found that grocery store shoppers who were shown a large number of jam flavors were more likely to stop to taste test them than shoppers who were shown a limited array of choices. However, they didn’t buy. Rather, the shoppers who were faced with fewer jam flavors were more likely to make a purchase than shoppers who had more flavors to choose from. So while consumers might initially be intrigued by a variety of choices, having too many options hinders their ability to make a purchasing decision.
I think the same thing happens in dating (especially with online dating).
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