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Old 02-04-2015, 08:27 PM
 
521 posts, read 467,287 times
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Teddy, you are hysterical!
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Old 02-04-2015, 10:25 PM
 
16,476 posts, read 17,501,756 times
Reputation: 23521
All of these things listed. We're going on 19 years married 21 together. We had ups and downs but I think communication. No matter what it is my wife and I communicate. If something bit here either of us we sit fine and figure out how to fix it.

Compromise. Guys you're not always right. Girls you neither.

Sometimes even if you're right it's just not worth the arguing.
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Old 02-04-2015, 10:33 PM
 
1,207 posts, read 1,235,855 times
Reputation: 1093
Quote:
Originally Posted by Electrician4you View Post
All of these things listed. We're going on 19 years married 21 together. We had ups and downs but I think communication. No matter what it is my wife and I communicate. If something bit here either of us we sit fine and figure out how to fix it.

Compromise. Guys you're not always right. Girls you neither.

Sometimes even if you're right it's just not worth the arguing.
I think has to be it. I have to ask you if you ever felt your wife was completely open and then in a moment of honesty said she had been resenting you for something you did?
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Old 02-05-2015, 07:47 AM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,094,894 times
Reputation: 9778
Quote:
Originally Posted by Electrician4you View Post
All of these things listed. We're going on 19 years married 21 together. We had ups and downs but I think communication. No matter what it is my wife and I communicate. If something bit here either of us we sit fine and figure out how to fix it.

Compromise. Guys you're not always right. Girls you neither.

Sometimes even if you're right it's just not worth the arguing.
The desire to "win" and be "right" has ruined many relationships. It's not a war or a battle.

One big thing in my marriage was the fact that my husband rarely apologized and I apologized too much. I would even apologize when he had done something wrong.

We had to find a middle ground, and it wasn't that hard to do. You have to put away resentment and realize that there are two sides to every issue.
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Old 02-05-2015, 07:49 AM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,094,894 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Teddyterp View Post
Mrs. Terp and I are going on 39 years. Here's our secret! When we first married we made an agreement, she would handle all little decisions, and I would handle all the big decisions. Imagine, 39 years and we still haven't had a big decision.

But I'm ready if a big one comes along!
Thanks for the laugh!!!! :-)
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Old 02-05-2015, 08:54 AM
 
Location: A place that's too cold
4,077 posts, read 4,046,849 times
Reputation: 10052
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meyerland View Post
The desire to "win" and be "right" has ruined many relationships. It's not a war or a battle.
An unhappy marriage certainly feels like a battle, a constant competition. I think it's Dr Phil who asks, "Would you rather be happy or would you rather be right?" Now, of course you can't just be a doormat on important issues or problems, but I am not going to nitpick my husband on little things just to prove I'm "right." I very consciously safeguard our happiness.

Quote:
One big thing in my marriage was the fact that my husband rarely apologized and I apologized too much. I would even apologize when he had done something wrong.
.
Omg, I've never heard anyone else say that! Yes, that was very characteristic of my first marriage.

And while I always thought the "Love is never having to say you're sorry" line was about the stupidest thing I'd ever heard, it's wonderful to be in a marriage where each partner is so attuned, so desiring, so pro-active, of the things that make the other person happy, that cause for apologies rarely occur.
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Old 02-05-2015, 09:13 AM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,094,894 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kayanne View Post
An unhappy marriage certainly feels like a battle, a constant competition. I think it's Dr Phil who asks, "Would you rather be happy or would you rather be right?" Now, of course you can't just be a doormat on important issues or problems, but I am not going to nitpick my husband on little things just to prove I'm "right." I very consciously safeguard our happiness.


Omg, I've never heard anyone else say that! Yes, that was very characteristic of my first marriage.

And while I always thought the "Love is never having to say you're sorry" line was about the stupidest thing I'd ever heard, it's wonderful to be in a marriage where each partner is so attuned, so desiring, so pro-active, of the things that make the other person happy, that cause for apologies rarely occur.
Yes, I had survived an emotionally abusive previous relationship and got in the habit of always apologizing.

My husband helped me stop that. Now I don't apologize unless I actually do something wrong.

It is so nice to be in a marriage that is a partnership instead of a competition.

I also want to say that my husband and I worked through our issues before getting married. Marriage itself doesn't fix problems.

Last edited by Meyerland; 02-05-2015 at 09:24 AM..
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Old 02-05-2015, 03:03 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,966,446 times
Reputation: 42368
Many really good posts in here. Some wise words I learned on this board were to always remember you're on the same team. Try to work with your spouse, not against one another.

Resentment is bitter poison. Don't hold everything inside and play peacemaker; work together.

Keep the home fires burning. Sleep together, be intimate, touch and cuddle. Show you care in small gestures that tell the other person you are listening.

I have a hot temper, so I learned how to take a time out and come back to the issue later. If the other person needs a time out, give it!

Know how to say you're sorry and own up to when you're being a jerk.

My husband and I call one another our "person," as in, "He's my person." He's my best friend and the person I intend to spend my life with. He's the person I want with me on the deserted island. Sometimes we fight. Sometimes one or both of us is frustrated or exhausted or grouchy. But he's my person, on my team, and the one I live with and want to be with. I think sometimes it's easy to have an ideal set up in our minds what our husband or wife should be, that he or she will have XYZ traits and do this and do that. Then when someone doesn't live up to those ideals we think that person is wrong or damaged or letting us down. Your spouse is not a puppet or a pet or a doll or a trophy. Your spouse is a person, with all the wonderful bits and flaws and reality that you have too.
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Old 02-05-2015, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Greater LA area
15,736 posts, read 11,738,008 times
Reputation: 30552
I heard that lots of men would have moved out many years ago but they don't know how to pack a suit case.
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Old 02-05-2015, 04:16 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,108,653 times
Reputation: 22092
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Many really good posts in here. Some wise words I learned on this board were to always remember you're on the same team. Try to work with your spouse, not against one another.

Resentment is bitter poison. Don't hold everything inside and play peacemaker; work together.

Keep the home fires burning. Sleep together, be intimate, touch and cuddle. Show you care in small gestures that tell the other person you are listening.

I have a hot temper, so I learned how to take a time out and come back to the issue later. If the other person needs a time out, give it!

Know how to say you're sorry and own up to when you're being a jerk.

My husband and I call one another our "person," as in, "He's my person." He's my best friend and the person I intend to spend my life with. He's the person I want with me on the deserted island. Sometimes we fight. Sometimes one or both of us is frustrated or exhausted or grouchy. But he's my person, on my team, and the one I live with and want to be with. I think sometimes it's easy to have an ideal set up in our minds what our husband or wife should be, that he or she will have XYZ traits and do this and do that. Then when someone doesn't live up to those ideals we think that person is wrong or damaged or letting us down. Your spouse is not a puppet or a pet or a doll or a trophy. Your spouse is a person, with all the wonderful bits and flaws and reality that you have too.
Love this post!
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