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Old 02-11-2015, 11:44 AM
 
6,250 posts, read 5,857,868 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
So some dudes just like traditional gender roles until the check comes.
Or until someone has to cook and clean and we know many women also don't like it as much as some guys don't like to be expected to pay. These people are the ones who pick and chose "traditional roles" when it benefits them. There are others that are really traditional or modern and do fine as well. Couples do as they like.
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Old 02-11-2015, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,255 posts, read 11,846,627 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
And I suppose you would teach her to also treat the man she's going out with as a special man that he is, correct?
I would tell her that if she finds a good man to treat him well.
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Old 02-11-2015, 02:25 PM
 
758 posts, read 877,273 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur View Post
I'm talking about women who still feel like they're entitled to having things paid for them by men (who are not their bosses).

Some of them want everything else to be equal in life, but they think that men should also be willing to take care of them on dates, in relationships, etc. They want their cake and eat it, too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
Once again, apples and oranges. A woman wanting equal pay for the SAME JOB doesn't have anything to do with how she wants to conduct her romantic life. I suggest you ask all your dates how much they make, ask them if they want equal pay for the same job, and then give them a chart showing them how much of the date they have to pay based on their income. Because dates are all about how women want to be treated by the government and now how two people are compatible together.
I get what Dew & Lafleur is both saying.

The purpose of dating is for both parties to enjoy each other's company and to make each other feel special, not "keeping score." Although it is proper respect to not have things be one-sided.
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Old 02-11-2015, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,146 posts, read 1,117,137 times
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One-sided relationships do not work.

There are many ways to demonstrate your affection for someone without having to break your budget.

Anyone who has been in a successful, long term relationship or marriage knows that things are not balanced and equal all the time. One partner might do more at times but later on, the tables turn and the other partner steps up to do more. It's a dance of give and take all the time.

Last edited by Butterflyfish; 02-11-2015 at 03:37 PM..
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Old 02-11-2015, 06:13 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
2,391 posts, read 1,719,966 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish View Post
One-sided relationships do not work.

There are many ways to demonstrate your affection for someone without having to break your budget.

Anyone who has been in a successful, long term relationship or marriage knows that things are not balanced and equal all the time. One partner might do more at times but later on, the tables turn and the other partner steps up to do more. It's a dance of give and take all the time.
I have not agreed with you on some things in the past, but I do believe that this is one of the most reasonable posts I've come across. The key point being the bolded.

No one is entitled to anything simply because of their gender and both parties in a relationship should and will do nice things for each other because they believe the other person is worth it (i.e. they have demonstrated that they are worht it). That is, and always was, my point.
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Old 02-11-2015, 06:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob-Man View Post
Although it is proper respect to not have things be one-sided.
^^^
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Old 02-11-2015, 09:03 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,146 posts, read 1,117,137 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur View Post
I have not agreed with you on some things in the past, but I do believe that this is one of the most reasonable posts I've come across. The key point being the bolded.

No one is entitled to anything simply because of their gender and both parties in a relationship should and will do nice things for each other because they believe the other person is worth it (i.e. they have demonstrated that they are worht it). That is, and always was, my point.
I guess my point is that it can be short-sighted to feel that traditional courtship - where the man pays during early dating - is one-sided. It would be one-sided if courtship lasted forever, but it doesn't. It's a very short period of time in the grand scheme of things.

This was the style my husband chose to woo me when we first dated. It was his choice and I followed his lead and was open and receptive to however he wanted to court me. I have also done the 50-50 thing with other men in my past which I find less romantic, and less passionate personally. I learned from experience that things went better when I put down the reigns and allowed the man to set the tone and pace of a relationship. If I'm not enjoying it, I will end it, but I dont ever expect or ask for anything a man does not want to give freely.

I believe my husband may have considered his courtship style an investment that would be worth it and reap dividends later on (I'm just guessing because I've never asked him). Like I said, give and take, but it isnt always balanced at every step. I'm an asset to our marriage, and we are great partners and a good team. I take very good care of him, as best as I know how, because he's worth it. He may have paid for our dates in the beginning, but he has a wife who will be there at his side, taking care of him, until the very end.

Last edited by Butterflyfish; 02-11-2015 at 09:22 PM.. Reason: typos using my phone
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Old 02-12-2015, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
2,391 posts, read 1,719,966 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish View Post
I guess my point is that it can be short-sighted to feel that traditional courtship - where the man pays during early dating - is one-sided. It would be one-sided if courtship lasted forever, but it doesn't. It's a very short period of time in the grand scheme of things.

This was the style my husband chose to woo me when we first dated. It was his choice and I followed his lead and was open and receptive to however he wanted to court me. I have also done the 50-50 thing with other men in my past which I find less romantic, and less passionate personally. I learned from experience that things went better when I put down the reigns and allowed the man to set the tone and pace of a relationship. If I'm not enjoying it, I will end it, but I dont ever expect or ask for anything a man does not want to give freely.

I believe my husband may have considered his courtship style an investment that would be worth it and reap dividends later on (I'm just guessing because I've never asked him). Like I said, give and take, but it isnt always balanced at every step. I'm an asset to our marriage, and we are great partners and a good team. I take very good care of him, as best as I know how, because he's worth it. He may have paid for our dates in the beginning, but he has a wife who will be there at his side, taking care of him, until the very end.
I absolutely agree with you. I was primarily referring to those "courtships" that seem to last the duration of the relationship, but once again, I think that my point was misconstrued and misinterpreted by a few other posters on here. I even used a real-life example to demonstrate what I was talking about. I had a friend date a girl who thought that because of the car she drove and the lifestyle she felt she lived (way over her means btw, she only grossed like $35k/yr), that she should be taken care of by the man in a certain way since she was a woman. I thought that was absurd.

Like you said, a relationship (well after the courtship stage) should be give and take without keeping tabs. At times, there were be an imbalance obviously, but that won't matter because it will be made up often by the actions of your partner when you need it the most.
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Old 02-12-2015, 10:49 AM
 
6,250 posts, read 5,857,868 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur View Post
I had a friend date a girl who thought that because of the car she drove and the lifestyle she felt she lived (way over her means btw, she only grossed like $35k/yr), that she should be taken care of by the man in a certain way since she was a woman. I thought that was absurd.
That's the way of thinking I don't support either, the gender entitlement. I find a woman expecting to be paid for, romanced, etc. As bad as a man who expects to be served at home without lifting a finger simply because he's the man of the house. Don't see how a man/woman is not capable of doing any of those. Of course there are couples where a man feels proud to take care of her woman's expenses and the woman feels proud to be 100% in charge of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. as she feels that is a lady's duty. Each couple does as they like.

Quote:
Like you said, a relationship (well after the courtship stage) should be give and take without keeping tabs. At times, there were be an imbalance obviously, but that won't matter because it will be made up often by the actions of your partner when you need it the most.
I think courtship can even see courtesy, romance, participation in expenses, etc. go back and forth. At least that is how it has been with me when I have lived in Asia and it has been fine. We don't have to wait all that time until we are passed the courtship stage and it has worked fine just like it has worked fine for those that have to go all the way through the courtship stage to start seeing give/take like you said. To each, their own .
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