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Old 02-05-2015, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
20,014 posts, read 20,509,618 times
Reputation: 20369

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anabasis X View Post
And 2mares- all you really said was that women still seek a PROVIDER in a man. Its not exactly a secret. A woman may be incredibly wealthy, yet will still be attracted to a man who exhibits traits of excellent protector and a provider. Not because of what she can get from him and not because she is lazy and wants a man to take care of her, but because her hind brain tells her that a man who is a protector and a provider, will give their future family unit the best opportunity to thrive.
Thank you Captain obvious. This is what I'm trying to relate to danielj who is equating that to women want to be "taken care" of like its 1950 because they care if a man can/will make a decent living.

 
Old 02-05-2015, 11:17 AM
 
914 posts, read 550,584 times
Reputation: 1439
Quote:
Originally Posted by Europeanflava View Post
Face it every man would put up with a pretty faced woman even if she has nothing going for her. The same is not true for the opposite. A man with nothing going for him is quick to be called out as weird, a bum, unambitious, not making the best of his usefullness, ect. Why?

Is it because men are expected to lead and be a outpost for others to live their lives based on.

That's not true. Some would but most wouldn't.
 
Old 02-05-2015, 11:17 AM
 
6,819 posts, read 4,410,206 times
Reputation: 11939
Quote:
Originally Posted by jma501 View Post
You can converse easily with the opposite sex and never have chemistry either. Just because you think others can achieve this doesn't make it reality.
An important point to make here, probably assumed by Timberline but not necessarily assumed by others, is that the making of conversation is occurring in contexts where the interlocutors are peers, overlap substantially in their positions in life, are likely both single, and have other common traits where the conversation flows naturally and potential for friendship (or maybe even romantic involvement) is reasonable.

If on the other hand one's social interactions are almost exclusively with people with whom one shares little, then the politeness will be forced and artificial. People with "emotional intelligence" can reach rapport and cooperate with others, even if those others are not of interest. Fine. Excellent. But that's not a route to a mutually-rewarding relationship.

The key point here is that one must insert oneself into a milieu of people who are interesting and eligible. This holds whether the aim is to engender friendships or romance. If this is accomplished, then approaching and dating become comparatively straightforward, even for introverts. If it's not accomplished, then one is going to struggle, even if "skilled".
 
Old 02-05-2015, 11:30 AM
 
2,168 posts, read 1,629,560 times
Reputation: 1817
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post
An important point to make here, probably assumed by Timberline but not necessarily assumed by others, is that the making of conversation is occurring in contexts where the interlocutors are peers, overlap substantially in their positions in life, are likely both single, and have other common traits where the conversation flows naturally and potential for friendship (or maybe even romantic involvement) is reasonable.

If on the other hand one's social interactions are almost exclusively with people with whom one shares little, then the politeness will be forced and artificial. People with "emotional intelligence" can reach rapport and cooperate with others, even if those others are not of interest. Fine. Excellent. But that's not a route to a mutually-rewarding relationship.

The key point here is that one must insert oneself into a milieu of people who are interesting and eligible. This holds whether the aim is to engender friendships or romance. If this is accomplished, then approaching and dating become comparatively straightforward, even for introverts. If it's not accomplished, then one is going to struggle, even if "skilled".
Even if this is accomplished there still is no guarantee of success.
 
Old 02-05-2015, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,112,421 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anabasis X View Post
It isn't my fault that women absolutely love men with options and despise men without. Let me share something with you - Any man walking this globe, that is in a relationship with a woman, be it dating or marriage, and everything in between - will heavily benefit from his woman knowing that other women find him attractive. This is not even a discussion its a proven fact. I treat women well, because I am always honest, respectful where deserved, polite when appropriate and provide them with amazing things and feelings that only a masculine man can. Hope this helps.
It is your fault that you created problems in your relationship because your girlfriend didn't trust you because you were so busy flirting with other women in front of her in an attempt to make her believe that you had options. That is not treating a women well, respecting her, or being polite.

And you hope this helps what? We all know who you are and what you are about. I'm not sure why I would need your help.
 
Old 02-05-2015, 11:33 AM
 
32,716 posts, read 22,666,022 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
It is your fault that you created problems in your relationship because your girlfriend didn't trust you because you were so busy flirting with other women in front of her in an attempt to make her believe that you had options. That is not treating a women well, respecting her, or being polite.

The only women that would put up with that crud is one with low self esteem.
 
Old 02-05-2015, 11:46 AM
 
203 posts, read 129,346 times
Reputation: 204
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post
It's not a question specifically of women desiring a particular man; it's a universal human tendency to prefer precisely that which other people already have. The popular becomes the good. We rarely recognize intrinsic qualities, be it in a romantic partner or an employee or a plumber or a lawyer, acting on our assessment of said qualities. Instead we prefer that plumber whom others recommend, who has a thriving business and a good reputation. A potentially skillful, honest and reasonably-priced plumber will be ignored, if he does not advertise and remains unknown. Who wishes to venture with the unknown?

I don't agree with Anabasis' delineation of a man's tactics in dating, but he's quite right about the human propensity to evaluation people and things, trends and objects, ideas and fashions and methods, not based on whether they are good in themselves, but whether others recognize and validate such goodness.
I agree with parts of your post, but in my opinion men aren't as attracted to women who are dating several men, than in a reverse scenario. My personal belief is that its because above all, men want to be sure that when his woman gives a birth, the child is his. A woman who telegraphs a high level of promiscuity via sleeping with several men simultaneously, is a poor choice in that regard because her behavior decreases her mans confidence in their offspring being actually his. The same is not true for women, because they are naturally assured that the child they birth, is actually theirs. That's a big deal and a big difference. Once again, these distinctions are not processed by people using logic or common sense, because if that were the case any man could DNA test their kids.

It is based on instincts and evolutionary programming, and processed sub consciously. I read a study some time ago, that found that when a child is born, and parents meet with the doctor in the hospital, the mother is 20+% more likely to say the infant resembles the father when the presumed father is present, then if he was not. Same goes for her family if they are part of the conversation. What this tells me, is that it is important to pretty much all people to ensure that presumed father is confident that the newly born child is his. We all get it instinctively, yet so many cant seem to grasp it or want to admit it, not sure which.

It is my belief, that women find men who are in demand or taken attractive, because it allows them to take a shortcut ( a very effective one) in the selection process, which is often much more involved and detailed than in a reverse scenario. Also a man with experience, is very likely to be good in the sack, which is important. There are other reasons for this phenomena, but I think the 2 I listed are important enough to deserve consideration. We are all equal, but very often we are far from the same.
 
Old 02-05-2015, 11:47 AM
 
Location: Somewhere below Mason/Dixon
5,841 posts, read 6,919,012 times
Reputation: 10138
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
Thank you Captain obvious. This is what I'm trying to relate to danielj who is equating that to women want to be "taken care" of like its 1950 because they care if a man can/will make a decent living.

I understand what your saying, but where the problem comes in is our modern job market. You live in the same state I do, and my observations most jobs here pay between 30-45k a year. That is if you are skilled or have gotten lucky. If not your making 11 dollars an hour in some small factory or retail outlet. This is for both men and women, so given that reality how on earth can any women expect the kind of financial stability in a man like they did in past eras? Yes we still have doctors and lawyers, we still have high level professionals but those people may make up five percent of the men out there. Most of the rest fall into that low range. If a women is looking for an old fashioned provider that has the earning power to allow her to stay at home with the kids for five years or more then its going to be really tough. She is far more likely to end up a 45 year old single "crazy cat lady" by holding out for those goals than she is to achieve them. Personally I believe you should marry for love and compatibility. Expecting a earnings range from your spouse sets you up for a big disappointment, however everyone should expect their spouse to work and be productive.
 
Old 02-05-2015, 11:51 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,671 posts, read 64,140,481 times
Reputation: 68453
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
It is your fault that you created problems in your relationship because your girlfriend didn't trust you because you were so busy flirting with other women in front of her in an attempt to make her believe that you had options. That is not treating a women well, respecting her, or being polite.
He said he's "polite when appropriate". When is politeness not appropriate, in attracting and dating women? Never mind, I don't want to know. lol
 
Old 02-05-2015, 11:52 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,112,421 times
Reputation: 22092
Quote:
Originally Posted by danielj72 View Post
I understand what your saying, but where the problem comes in is our modern job market. You live in the same state I do, and my observations most jobs here pay between 30-45k a year. That is if you are skilled or have gotten lucky. If not your making 11 dollars an hour in some small factory or retail outlet. This is for both men and women, so given that reality how on earth can any women expect the kind of financial stability in a man like they did in past eras? Yes we still have doctors and lawyers, we still have high level professionals but those people may make up five percent of the men out there. Most of the rest fall into that low range. If a women is looking for an old fashioned provider that has the earning power to allow her to stay at home with the kids for five years or more then its going to be really tough. She is far more likely to end up a 45 year old single "crazy cat lady" by holding out for those goals than she is to achieve them. Personally I believe you should marry for love and compatibility. Expecting a earnings range from your spouse sets you up for a big disappointment, however everyone should expect their spouse to work and be productive.
Part of love and compatibility is being on the same page about how you want to raise your family. Most women do not have an "earning range" but it is wise for a woman who wants to have children to take in the financial situation of a potential spouse.
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