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Old 02-04-2015, 11:45 PM
FBJ
 
Location: Tall Building down by the river
39,615 posts, read 48,777,131 times
Reputation: 9451

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Quote:
Originally Posted by dejaentendu19 View Post
I thought this too, when I read this post. Nobody wants to go longterm with someone that they can't relate with...no matter how pretty.
Exactly that's why when I see a pretty women online who has a profile that reveals she

smokes regularly
only went to highschool
Works as a retail clerk


My first thought is PLAY MATERIAL

 
Old 02-05-2015, 12:54 AM
 
4,608 posts, read 3,612,274 times
Reputation: 4037
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
You're saying it's harder for you to start a relationship than to keep one going long-term. And yet you also say that you like to date multiple women at once. You prefer variety. But in order to get that variety, you need to be able to initiate relationships with relative ease.

There seems to be a contradiction there. Could you clarify?
Sure, I figured that'd come up at some point!

1) Regarding picking women up: just because I'm often successful doesn't mean I don't fail A LOT. I've got a lot of things going for me, but I don't have ALL the pieces (edit: and the things I DO have going for me are better suited for the guy who wants the long-term, which is just a curse I have to deal with!)

2) Maintaining relationships, on the other hand, has always been cake for me. I guess the traits necessary to keep a relationship going come naturally to me (just as picking up women comes naturally to others). But I have plenty of experience in long-term relationships, and they've always just felt like autopilot. Be courteous, respectful, thoughtful, compromise (edit: I'm aware there are more than just these things, I just offered a few for example)...these things just come automatically to me. In fact, barring one situation that I'm not going to go into, I was always the one who ended things, usually because my SO wanted to go further (read: marriage or similar) and I...didn't.

Caveats:
I haven't been in a 10-year relationship or anything, so take that for what it's worth. But I have been in many long-term relationships, and (in the eyes of the state) married. I won't be sharing those details beyond that

Since I'm primarily looking for casual relationships, I'm going to have a tougher time than the guy who's looking for something long term. Contrary to what everyone says about how women want sex too and are open to casual relationships, they're the minority by comparison.

Last edited by Hivemind31; 02-05-2015 at 01:04 AM..
 
Old 02-05-2015, 02:23 AM
 
Location: Somewhere below Mason/Dixon
5,946 posts, read 7,022,054 times
Reputation: 10272
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
Yes couples often have to cut back on the frills in order for one to be a SAHP. It seems to me that the SAHM situation is increasing albeit a temporary gig. Many have come to realize the benefits of being home with your children when they are very young. That and the price of daycare and the reality that mothers often have to take off a lot of leave time if they have it to deal with kid issues.

Wanting someone to financially support you while you do nothing and wanting to know you will have some financial security incase you lose your job, get sick or want to start a family are not the same thing.

A lot of young families with little kids have one spouse work part time and the other works full time. This allows for reducing or eliminating day care, and allows for the part timer to deal with those kid issues. I am not against stay at home wives, I just see it as very difficult for most people to do. Statistically its rare, simply because the Ward Cleaver jobs of yesteryear are long gone, not many people can do this. Remember that the average income in this nation is no where near high enough to support a stay at home wife. That means most people cannot do it. Some of the lady posters in here believe a man should take care of them like they are June Cleaver, and that is just not likely in todays economy. It is plain math, most men do not make that kind of money, so some of these gals are going to have to let go of that desire or start collecting cats for company. Now a woman should be able to expect a man to work, and be employable but they should not expect that they will find one that has a lawyers wages. Now was the world a better place when most men put on their suit and tie, went off to their 9-5 job and brought home the bacon?? Was it better when mom was in the kitchen with her apron making the kiddies lunch?, when supper was on the table for dad when he came home??? Were families stronger with this family structure???? I would say a resounding yes to all the above. However that world has been gone for 25 years at least now. Stay at home wives are for the top earners, the privileged. The rest of us need our wives to work, at least work part time.
 
Old 02-05-2015, 04:18 AM
 
214 posts, read 201,012 times
Reputation: 196
A pretty face with no personality is okay for a vague, shallow fling, but not long term. I would prefer a woman with a good personality for long term.
 
Old 02-05-2015, 04:47 AM
 
366 posts, read 298,007 times
Reputation: 876
Quote:
Originally Posted by danielj72 View Post
A lot of young families with little kids have one spouse work part time and the other works full time. This allows for reducing or eliminating day care, and allows for the part timer to deal with those kid issues. I am not against stay at home wives, I just see it as very difficult for most people to do. Statistically its rare, simply because the Ward Cleaver jobs of yesteryear are long gone, not many people can do this. Remember that the average income in this nation is no where near high enough to support a stay at home wife. That means most people cannot do it. Some of the lady posters in here believe a man should take care of them like they are June Cleaver, and that is just not likely in todays economy. It is plain math, most men do not make that kind of money, so some of these gals are going to have to let go of that desire or start collecting cats for company. Now a woman should be able to expect a man to work, and be employable but they should not expect that they will find one that has a lawyers wages. Now was the world a better place when most men put on their suit and tie, went off to their 9-5 job and brought home the bacon?? Was it better when mom was in the kitchen with her apron making the kiddies lunch?, when supper was on the table for dad when he came home??? Were families stronger with this family structure???? I would say a resounding yes to all the above. However that world has been gone for 25 years at least now. Stay at home wives are for the top earners, the privileged. The rest of us need our wives to work, at least work part time.
It's about priorities. Many, many families will make financial sacrifices so that a parent can stay home. This is not a man "taking care of" a woman, this is usually a planned partnership in which the SAHP, who is not making an income, is just as valued as the income earning partner. And no, this does not mean they're on welfare. You need to be a little creative, but it's not the miserable life of abject poverty you seem to think it is.

I think you're confusing the modern SAHM, who will typically return to work once the youngest is in school, with the housewives of yesteryear who stayed home to keep house permanently.
 
Old 02-05-2015, 07:35 AM
 
33,340 posts, read 23,154,706 times
Reputation: 30329
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
I understand. You and many others guys just want to get laid. Totally understandable. I was the same way; juggling numerous women on a monthly basis (very time consuming and a lot of elbow grease) but still no comparison in the effort in keeping a long term relationship (The compromising, understanding, drama, bickering, sameO face-sameO sex just a different day routine, etc) can take toll on a person, Lmao. For me, its far more easier to amass numerous women to bang than trying to develop a meaningful relationship that would last 10+ years or more.

For everyone it is. Listen, I've said this before, I wear glasses, I'm pretty broke, up until a few months ago I haven't had a car for years (haven't needed one in my city), I'm bald. I'm not fashionable and on my best day I'm average looking. Even me... I have, and have had, no problems sleeping with cute women throughout my adult life. That is EASY.

Something more than that is pretty darn hard. I've been dating someone for (only) 7 months and it takes MUCH more mental and emotional energy to make things work than just going out and dating and having sex with a few people.
 
Old 02-05-2015, 07:42 AM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,182 posts, read 7,184,916 times
Reputation: 13727
Plenty of plain, fat, not so attractive women lose at the dating game. Yes they can get a man, but they're also picking through the ones who aren't exactly the cream of the crop.
 
Old 02-05-2015, 09:26 AM
 
4,608 posts, read 3,612,274 times
Reputation: 4037
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
For everyone it is. Listen, I've said this before, I wear glasses, I'm pretty broke, up until a few months ago I haven't had a car for years (haven't needed one in my city), I'm bald. I'm not fashionable and on my best day I'm average looking. Even me... I have, and have had, no problems sleeping with cute women throughout my adult life. That is EASY.

Something more than that is pretty darn hard. I've been dating someone for (only) 7 months and it takes MUCH more mental and emotional energy to make things work than just going out and dating and having sex with a few people.
And like I said, you can't make this statement about everyone. It's simply not true. It may be true for you, hawaiiancoconut, and everyone else you know, but it doesn't apply to everyone.

The ease with which you discuss picking up women is how easily I can (and have) manage relationships. While the majority of those in my circle would agree with me, I know plenty of people feel both ways about this...but none would be foolish enough to imply that what's easier for them is easier for everybody.
 
Old 02-05-2015, 09:28 AM
 
33,340 posts, read 23,154,706 times
Reputation: 30329
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31 View Post
And like I said, you can't make this statement about everyone. It's simply not true. It may be true for you, hawaiiancoconut, and everyone else you know, but it doesn't apply to everyone.

The ease with which you discuss picking up women is how easily I can (and have) manage relationships. While the majority of those in my circle would agree with me, I know plenty of people feel both ways about this...but none would be foolish enough to imply that what's easier for them is easier for everybody.

I don't have any ease in picking up women. Never have. I think I've "picked up" maybe 5 women in 25 years, and really, they picked me up.

But to get to the relationship point, you first have to get to the initial date/interaction/hook up point. That always comes first. A first date (Second date, etC) come before a relationship. So if you find managing relationships easy and getting them easy, you've obviously mastered the first step.
 
Old 02-05-2015, 09:31 AM
 
4,608 posts, read 3,612,274 times
Reputation: 4037
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
For everyone it is. Listen, I've said this before, I wear glasses, I'm pretty broke, up until a few months ago I haven't had a car for years (haven't needed one in my city), I'm bald. I'm not fashionable and on my best day I'm average looking. Even me... I have, and have had, no problems sleeping with cute women throughout my adult life. That is EASY.

Something more than that is pretty darn hard. I've been dating someone for (only) 7 months and it takes MUCH more mental and emotional energy to make things work than just going out and dating and having sex with a few people.
And to address your experience, I'm selfish, probably a borderline sociopath, work insane hours, have a list of peeves you could ski on, and I've never had a problem maintaining a relationship. The "hard part" was always out of the way for me at that point. But I'm not going to assume it's that way for everyone.
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