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Old 02-05-2015, 08:03 AM
 
271 posts, read 107,571 times
Reputation: 74

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Okay, I'll give you three examples of times when we have gone out hoping to have a nice day out together and got into misunderstandings and arguments and it's happened a lot more than this - I just feel like this isn't normal.

Museum:

One time we were going out to the science museum and once we arrived at the station we realised that we would only have half and hour in the museum before it closed -it was my mistake because I misread the time before going out. My boyfriend literally stresses out, gives me a really long dirty and irritated look (he drags that on for about half an hour), sighs and says something like "Why didn't you check the time?" in a harsh manner - I feel guilty and stupid enough already without him saying things like that and reacting so over the toply... so then he says oh lets just go home (I don't know how to reply seeing as this is our first day out in two weeks and we've travelled an hour to get to the station), so he stops communication with me - We get into this standstill in the station - literally just stood there (him with his heavy eyes and deeply annoyed look - I'm feeling incredibly horrible just seeing his reaction) and unstable - he then asks me to suggest something else for us to do - a back up plan - I can't think of anything because of all that just happened and we stand there whilst he's giving me this dirty look the whole time waiting for me to suggest something, I don't suggest anything because when he's in that mood I don't feel like having the responsibility of choosing what to do because I don't know if he will enjoy it.

Christmas fair:

Another time - we were out a Christmas amusements fair, before entering there are cash points installed by the fair and we needed to take out money so we could pay for things. We notice that there is a $10 fee to take out money - so I suggest to my boyfriend that we go and take a walk and try to find a cash machine elsewhere and then come back to the fair. My boyfriend doesn't really give much of a response but I can tell he agrees - even though neither of us really feel like taking a walk. We walk to try to find a cashpoint (we end up walking for an hour or more - I was always vowing to keep going rather than turning back always thinking that there may be one just around the corner) we find one eventually... so I ask him if he wants to go back to the marker, and he reply's telling me that his legs are tired, so I suggest that maybe we don't go back then - he seems really moody and overly tired and as if he is annoyed with me for the walking, I suggest that we go back to the market in the next few days to which he doesn't say much he just keeps on telling me just do what YOU want to, and I want you to decide for us (as if he thinks I'm the better desicion maker) - I suggest to him going to another market that's on our way home and ask him one more time if he's sure he doesn't want to go back to which he is uncommunicative and says I don't know

He walks around the market I suggested that's on the way home with me, literally moping, uncommunicative, un-interested in anything, in a massive sulk which feels so personal as I've only tried to do the right thing.

As we are leaving, he gets all interrogative asking me why we missed out on seeing the maze and performance (and I'm thinking that I couldn't handle any more of the stress of dragging him around there, as he made no attempt to enjoy and I was starting to feel stupid.) As we leave he says - "Well that was fun" sarcastically, kind-of hurtful seeing as I suggested it for him. Then on the way home, he tells me that I ruined the afternoon by suggesting finding another cash-point and that he wanted to go to the fair.

Ticket gates:

Me and my boyfriend were cheating the ticket system - using his ticket to pass through the barrier gates as one person (Which is not easy - I literally have to be a millisecond behind him whilst worrying about getting caught). This time, I'm too slow and so I come out of the barrier gates and will have to pay a 5 fine, and he's waiting giving me a heavy-eyed look... he's acting stressy and seems annoyed. I apologise telling him that I feel stupid and that I'm sorry for messing things up, putting a lot of blame onto myself - he continues to make me feel guilty by being uncommunicative and a little bit sulky and starts saying things in a really harsh manner like... "You never listen to me" and "do you not trust me" and literally I feel like our whole day out is ruined already.

This happens quite often, little things being blown way out of proportion - especially by him. Him acting as if I've deeply inconvenienced him.

I don't know how to get out of things when they happen like this - it's just way out of hand because I'm really sensitive and it's incredibly frustrating and I get so stressed by his reactions - I've even cried quietly in the bathroom to myself... I feel like these situations have the power to bring our relationship down.

Am I the problem? What do you think?

Last edited by palmtrees099; 02-05-2015 at 08:45 AM..
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Old 02-05-2015, 08:11 AM
 
6,893 posts, read 3,392,752 times
Reputation: 2442
The only problem I see is you are in the wrong relationship.

Imagine these things over a twenty or thirty year period. Are you willing to be in a relationship like this for the long haul?

Relationships should not be exhausting.
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Old 02-05-2015, 08:13 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,325,314 times
Reputation: 42508
Is he worth putting up with all that grumpiness and moodiness? He sounds like my teenaged daughter. You may be no picnic either, but what can we do? Advise you to try harder so he doesn't mope and sulk? Is he really great most of the time? If not, and you wonder why you're with him, listen to yourself!

When he's being a brat, can you call him on it? "Hey, your rude attitude is not helping," "Don't talk to me like that, I hate it" ... That kind of thing.
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Old 02-05-2015, 08:30 AM
Status: "Beach time!" (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,674 posts, read 11,083,182 times
Reputation: 13950
If the examples and other instances like them are spontaneous acts of grumpiness you have a problem. It's really hard to say though because these can be few and far between or they can define your relationship. The examples could also be the culmination of other frustrations building up over time. We don't know any of this, but you do. Maybe you should evaluate things, your own contributions to disagreements, etc. if you determine you are doing all you can and moments like these just arise randomly and without warning maybe it's time to move on.
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Old 02-05-2015, 08:41 AM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,477,746 times
Reputation: 9799
If he acts this way over such minor issues, just wait until real issues crop up. He sounds immature and a pain. I wouldn't put up with it, but to each their own.

If you want to work things out, be prepared to always be placating him and walking on eggshells. Prep better for any events you are going to and try to not take his moodiness personally.

You can only be responsible for your own happiness, and you cant change other people. Accept him as a grouch or move on.
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Old 02-05-2015, 10:04 AM
 
3,201 posts, read 3,567,750 times
Reputation: 4407
belgium?
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Old 02-05-2015, 10:33 AM
 
213 posts, read 192,697 times
Reputation: 296
Museum -> Your fault, plan better next time. Have a backup. Don't you two have phones? Check up on things to do around the museum.

Xmas fair -> Your fault, once again. It also sounds extremely biased against your boyfriend. And do none of you two have phones? A simple check on a map would tell you where ATMs are (or banks).

Tickets -> Your fault, once again. Stop cheating the transit system with HIS ticket.

I'm surprised he's put up with you for so long.
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Old 02-05-2015, 11:45 AM
 
3,781 posts, read 2,997,351 times
Reputation: 7535
OP, this is not your first thread about problems with this guy. What are the positives in your relationship? Because you haven't mentioned them anywhere.
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Old 02-05-2015, 12:05 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,603 posts, read 70,482,002 times
Reputation: 76571
OP, it's not working. That's all you need to know. On the one hand, it sounds like he's a bit childish, being passive-aggressive about things, and sulking. No one wants to live with that. On the other hand, one wonders how often these errors occur on your part, and why they keep occurring. So maybe he's just tired of it all? Still, one would hope one's SO would be better at rolling with the punches and staying chipper, making the best of each situation. (Did you two ever go into the museum? You could have done a quick tour of the museum, then had dinner or coffee/treat somewhere.) But if this kind of thing happens frequently, I can see how someone would get tired of it.

But I guess it boils down to the fact that it seems like it's not a good match for either of you. Why drag out the pain any longer? You both could probably find better matches eventually.

btw, why didn't each of you bring cash to the Xmas fair? As if neither of you knew there would be some fun shopping involved. But since neither of you brought cash (kind of hard to imagine), you could have split the transaction fee, so it was only $5 per person, which isn't a lot.
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Old 02-05-2015, 12:12 PM
 
8,564 posts, read 7,135,129 times
Reputation: 9006
Stop looking to blame one another for everything that goes wrong.
It shows a lack of understanding and forethought on boh your behaves.
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