U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-06-2015, 12:50 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,565 posts, read 42,407,014 times
Reputation: 24873

Advertisements

Just imagining his next relationship is worst than me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-06-2015, 02:38 PM
 
1,287 posts, read 889,033 times
Reputation: 1716
The only break up that was hard for me, came at 27, that breakup had a profound effect on my life. For my entire dating life prior to meeting her, I was a total @$******, in denial. Being an AH, was easy, safe, and I was good at it. She was different, called me out every time, she didn't fall for Mr. Charming, and knew that I would act nice, when I wanted something. When she broke up with me, she told me that she stayed because she hoped I would act different, because she didn't fall for any of my behavior.

She and I had the longest conversation, and throughout I was focused on trying to have sex the last time. Of course, she didn't fall for it, and ultimately told me that I was protecting a special person, and once I dropped the guard, he would come out. I was curious about this person she saw. So the way I got over the sadness, was to spend almost a year, not dating, and improved myself. I focused on becoming a better human, by accepting vulnerability as part of being a real man.

I dove fully into my awakening, by attending groups that dealt with relationship issues even domestic violence. I never hit her, or even got mad at her, but she suggested I find out about passive aggressiveness. I participated in the groups, and came to realize that I acted the way I did, because I was scared of being hurt. I never felt hurt when a relationship ended, because I was such a d***, that I had nothing invested. I was raised with the "men don't cry" mentality, and the fear of getting hurt by someone scared me. Upholding the tough guy, man's man attitude was much easier because I could control my feelings. I recognized that the way I lived life fully supported that idea. The changes I made were immediately noticed by friends, family and even employees. I will forever be grateful for what she did for me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2015, 02:44 PM
 
Location: So Cal
13,991 posts, read 10,133,976 times
Reputation: 12363
Quote:
Originally Posted by vigueur2014 View Post
The only break up that was hard for me, came at 27, that breakup had a profound effect on my life. For my entire dating life prior to meeting her, I was a total @$******, in denial. Being an AH, was easy, safe, and I was good at it. She was different, called me out every time, she didn't fall for Mr. Charming, and knew that I would act nice, when I wanted something. When she broke up with me, she told me that she stayed because she hoped I would act different, because she didn't fall for any of my behavior.

She and I had the longest conversation, and throughout I was focused on trying to have sex the last time. Of course, she didn't fall for it, and ultimately told me that I was protecting a special person, and once I dropped the guard, he would come out. I was curious about this person she saw. So the way I got over the sadness, was to spend almost a year, not dating, and improved myself. I focused on becoming a better human, by accepting vulnerability as part of being a real man.

I dove fully into my awakening, by attending groups that dealt with relationship issues even domestic violence. I never hit her, or even got mad at her, but she suggested I find out about passive aggressiveness. I participated in the groups, and came to realize that I acted the way I did, because I was scared of being hurt. I never felt hurt when a relationship ended, because I was such a d***, that I had nothing invested. I was raised with the "men don't cry" mentality, and the fear of getting hurt by someone scared me. Upholding the tough guy, man's man attitude was much easier because I could control my feelings. I recognized that the way I lived life fully supported that idea. The changes I made were immediately noticed by friends, family and even employees. I will forever be grateful for what she did for me.
Wow, great post, vigueur.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2015, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,710 posts, read 5,630,476 times
Reputation: 7291
Quote:
Originally Posted by rumpa View Post
Time heals. Alcohol helps.

Just keep busy. Focus on yourself and remember life changes.
Alcohol makes things worse.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2015, 04:46 PM
 
8,224 posts, read 6,552,131 times
Reputation: 8509
My second serious relationship.

A lot of perosnal growth took place because of her and who she was to me...or rather who she was to me despite who I was. It was hard to let go when it came down to us both knowing we where not the right people for one another.


It wasn't a toxic, bad or unhealthy relationship, it just wasn't one of romantic lovers.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2015, 05:33 PM
 
Location: D.C.
2,766 posts, read 1,672,940 times
Reputation: 3689
It's difficult for sure, there is one that really took me a while to get over. Spending extra time at the gym and playing Metallica/Guns N' Roses at full volume usually worked well. Oh, and beer.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2015, 06:51 PM
 
270 posts, read 220,931 times
Reputation: 308
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyga View Post
So I'm wondering what everyones' experience is with break ups?

Namely, what was the most 'difficult' or memorable one for you? And how did you get over it?

I got out of 1 1/2 year long relationship recently and I'm still trying to get to a place where I'm not thinking about it or trying to dwell on it. I cut off contact entirely, so it's getting better. But I do notice that I have days where it's all I think about, and then I won't for a while. It's very confusing. It's my first "break up" so I'm trying to find a healthy way to cope.
Knowing nothing about the nature of that relationship, from experience I can tell you that breaking up with someone who's a bit off, be it low on empathy, exploitative, dishonest, cold, or manipulative can take up a long time to recover from. It's a) slow, and b) a bit of a rollercoaster ride, but with an overall upwards trend over time. Lots of time. In the end, that's your best friend, time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2015, 06:54 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
9,865 posts, read 8,003,412 times
Reputation: 11210
A long marriage. A profound number of new sex partners helped me the most to restore my self-confidence and get her out of my head.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2015, 07:04 PM
 
Location: Atlantis
3,019 posts, read 3,120,616 times
Reputation: 8784
Any break up that involved cheating:

And a lot of calculated lies by the party that was involved in the cheating.

When that happens, you are not just mourning the loss of the person you once loved and the relationship, but also dealing with the fact that the entire time you were together, experiences and history that you share was ultimately all a lie and a façade.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-06-2015, 07:52 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,371 posts, read 17,488,660 times
Reputation: 18346
Spend time with friends. Get out of the house, and do things you enjoy, though at first you may want to avoid the places the two of you frequented together. Don't look at his photos, read any of his texts, messages or other methods of communication. Also, remember that not all of that time together was good. Sometimes we have a tendency to remember the good times while healing from a breakup and forget that there were bad times too. Don't romanticize the past too much. Keep your mind occupied, don't give it a playground.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top