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Hopefully, this will not start a flame war and pissing contest, but I do have a genuine question, mostly for the more mature in terms of age audience on this forum.
I ventured back onto a dating site, and noticed several things. Men, of ALL sizes prefer lean women, and often seem to succeed in pulling them ashore, even the chubbiest of fellas. Some women, and I don't intend a sweeping generalization with this, do not seem to mind the size of a guy as much as men seem to mind the size of a woman. Especially on a dating site, where marketing matters, and the initial impression is based on a few photos and words on screen. Moreso, a woman could have all the "features" a guy is looking for, but when she packs on a few extra pounds (I'm not talking grossly and debilitatingly obese), everything else seems to fade in light of this imperfection.
I know many large, and much larger than me women in satisfying relationships, but maybe I'm just having a bad day, am I doomed for singledom because of my weight? I have already lost 30 lbs, and continue to go further, for myself, but this is a process that will take time, especially at my age.
Thoughts anyone?
Personally, I prefer women that are athletic/fit or thin, being average isn't a deal breaker though. My girlfriend now is pretty fit. It's not shallow going after what you're attracted to, you just have to be realistic!
I see skinny guys with bigger women all the time, they seem pretty happy.. You also see athletic meat heads with overweight women a lot. It's pretty normal if you look around outside. =) Maybe its years into the relationship, maybe they just really click, who knows.
This is why I started the topic initially, wondering if size and shape would really trump everything else, even over time, and OLD just confirms my concerns. I'm really sad about it.
One of the best and worst things about online dating is that it gives you the ability to quickly rule someone out. It's great because it's a huge timesaver. If you don't want to date someone who smokes, has kids, or is religious, you can just check a box and they won't show up in your search results. In the real world, you either have to ask around or spend time talking to them before you discover those things. But it's bad because you run the risk of excluding someone you might actually end up liking. That's why I wouldn't necessarily look at online dating as an accurate barometer of what the dating world is like.
When I look at the person I'm dating now, I don't think either of us would've been interested in each other had we met on a dating site. She's 5'7" so she might've excluded someone my height (5'8"). And though I don't have a problem with the way she looks, if she had listed herself as overweight, I might've filtered her out. But because we met the old fashioned way, I got a chance to get know her and discovered that I liked her for who she was, to the point where I didn't care what she weighed, though sadly some of my friends did.
So don't let what you see on dating sites discourage you. Women like to say that the most attractive quality in a man is confidence. Well guys like me find confidence in women extremely attractive. A woman could be overweight or look older, but if she presents herself as a confident person and has a great personality, that goes a long way. This goes back to something I said earlier, about how some overweight folks are showing their insecurities. It's their lack of self-confidence that's turning people off, not their weight. Does that mean being a confident likable person will cause all men to overlook your appearance? Of course not. There will always be men who refuse to date a woman who's overweight. But there are definitely men out there who won't be so quick to reject you. It really depends on how you present yourself.
Meh, I see overweight women with men plenty of time. Granted some men prefer women that are thin, or that aren't very overweight, but I see enough men with women that are overweight to say that I don't think your weight alone would stop you from meeting someone.
I have two sisters. One of my sisters is very thin and fit, the other one is athletic and small, and I'm slim-thick as in I'm not thin, or necessarily athletic looking and I carry my weight more in my butt than anywhere else, but I'm not plus size and still wear a size 6 and 8(depending on the brand). Out of all three of us, I get the most attention and get told more frequently I have the better body. It's all relative, of course, but my point is that being thin in itself is not going to all the sudden mean you'll attract loads of men. But if your weight is that much of an issue that you've made it a limit in your dating life, than I do believe losing weight would at least increase your options, depending that is on how overweight you are. And keep in mind that I see women that are overweight that have boyfriends ALL the time--what always stands out, is that they are confident, happy and secure in who they are. That's really the key. Now if you're not healthy, then work on your health so that you can feel and look better, but don't allow your weight alone to be the "one thing" that you feel limits you.
Yeah, I have about double that, but the same general principle applies. OLD works great in certain locales - most notably big, progressive cities ie: Boston, Seattle, New York, Denver etc... for the rest of us not so much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
If I select -10 and +7 years of age, "doesn't have kids", within a 50-mile radius, online within the past month, and leave all other criteria blank (education, smoking, religion, whether they wish to have kids in the future, what sort of relationship they seek, or anything else...)... and if I select 75%-match or above... then I get 54 matches.
Let me repeat that.
50 mile radius. That includes the metropolitan area of Cincinnati, Ohio (more than 50 miles by road, but OKC uses direct linear distance).
17-year age range.
ONLY criteria are (1) having logged on within the past month, and (2) don't have children
75% match or above (regardless of "enemy" percentage).
Total of 54 matches.
As for the weight thing - I'm flexible but it all depends and I'd actually take (my definition of) curvy over athletic. The problem with curvy is that seriously overweight big girls will call themselves "curvy."
There is no one right answer, but she needs to be healthy. Fat is fat and you know it when you see it.
Not necessarily. People carry extra weight differently. Some carry it in the middle, others in their lower body, and others are an hourglass. In terms of health, it's far worse to carry it in the middle.
All you did was show that size makes a LOT of difference to a woman's attractiveness and appeal.
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