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You went from writing this long letter with one goal to finally tell him for good, and now you;'re just going to ignore the problem and let them THINK you're coming until you finally don't show up? All that will do is create MORE drama and make them have a reason to contact you again and again and again.
Take a mature moment and reply, telling them that you are not coming.
THEN no more contact.
I did! I said, "I didn't ask him to book the ticket. I told him I was not going."
And then she email me back about how she only did what he asked and he would be happy to see me, blah blah blah.
I know there is absolutely no use. I'm not going and I won't be forced into it.
I'm not sending the letter because I don't think it will make a difference at this point. The only reason I wanted to send it was to try to get him to understand. That was before he booked a ticket after I explicitly asked him not to. Obviously he doesn't care about what I have to say.
I did! I said, "I didn't ask him to book the ticket. I told him I was not going."
And then she email me back about how she only did what he asked and he would be happy to see me, blah blah blah.
I know there is absolutely no use. I'm not going and I won't be forced into it.
I'm not sending the letter because I don't think it will make a difference at this point. The only reason I wanted to send it was to try to get him to understand. That was before he booked a ticket after I explicitly asked him not to. Obviously he doesn't care about what I have to say.
I think you should take out the parts in blue. I know you said 4+ times in the letter and other times that it's over, but the first blue part, he will hang onto that as love. The second blue part is a question. You aren't asking. You do care about him, you were there for him, and there was nothing more you could have done for him. Facts. He will answer that question in his mind and attempt to answer it to you. Instead, he should read the previous sentences as statements. I also think you should congratulate him on the accomplishment of graduating.
Then send it. And refuse all contact for a month+
I agree with this.
And..now that I've read the WHOLE thread...glad you're not responding at all at this point. =c) Good luck with everything and remember, you're not responsible for the choices others make.
Last edited by Jenna1343; 02-09-2015 at 12:22 AM..
The main reason why I'm writing it is because I know he believes I will be there for his graduation. He's done a lot of things before and I've always come through, despite how I might've felt. This is the first time that I'm putting my foot down.
I don't want him to spend the next few days expecting me to be there. I want to give him a heads up. I know he'll still be disappointed, but perhaps not as much.
The main reason you are writing is because you continue to lead him to believe that there is a chance for a relationship with you in the future which is what you really want even though you state you don't.
IF you did not want a relationship with him in the future you would have blocked all access to you and not had contact with him again.
If you want to continue to be treated the way you have been by this guy then continue to keep communication open and be prepared to move in with him as soon as he graduates.
I don't understand how you can "care for him so deeply" when he treats you like he does and allows his family to treat you even worse.
Do his actions somehow show you that he actually cares for you?
If you think his actions show he cares for you I would not like to see the actions of someone who does not care for you at all.
PS ~~ Putting your foot down is blocking all contact and moving on without him or his family in your life. You are not putting your foot down you are opening the door and all the windows wider.
She's young - 18 I think - and still needs to figure things out. I work at a college and I swear, this kind of drama affects my students' grades all the time.
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,148,500 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyga
Dear God, his mother (who was the one who called the police and threw me out) just sent me an itinerary. It looks like it cost $500. I don't think it refundable.
WHAT DO I EVEN SAY????
1. Men do not have platonic women friends beyond junior high school (one exception to this is gay men).
2. The fact she sent it to you should be viewed as a "peace offering". It's hard for a mother to just hand over her son to another woman. It took a lot of change in her for her to send you that ticket. Are you mature enough to at least acknowledge the change in her?
3. A man is in a rough place when his mother and girlfriend are at odds. The best he can do is bow out and let the women deside the issue. He cant take a side. If that is what you were looking for, you are looking for a fantasy - it doesnt exist in real life, except maybe with the exception of orphans - but then you have no one to be at odds with.
4. You do still care or you wouldnt have been having any contact at all. Stop playing with the guy's head. If you dont want him, then stop acting like you do. Communication keeps doors open. You are communicating, and possibly manipulating on your own part.
5. Go if you want to go. A relationship is all about give and take. You will never have a completely perfect relationship with anyone. If you are not mature enough to know that both parties have to work hard to keep it going, then you simply arent really ready for more than fleeting puppy love.
This is a good example why whenever you break up, you should maintain absolutely no contact. You can avoid all this extra unnecessary hurt and drama.
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