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I had a really interesting psych class today where we discussed the meaning of 'unconditional love' and if it is truly feasible in a romantic relationship.
So I guess the class was divided between: Yes, there is such thing as conditional love but it does not exist between romantic partners (i.e. mothers' love, siblings, or pets)
The other half of the class believed that unconditional love was not instantaneous, but rather something that grew with time. For example, if you felt like you could never be with someone who snores, but as time went on, you learned to accept that flaw for what it is and continued to love the person despite their snoring. Eventually, it would become an aspect about them that you wouldn't be bothered by. So, in essence, learning to accept flaws is unconditional love.
Yes, I believe it is possible. I feel it now. I give unconditional love to those who are worthy of it. I do not have unconditional love for everyone in my family, so I'm not sure I buy that theory.
Yes, I believe it is possible. I feel it now. I give unconditional love to those who are worthy of it. I do not have unconditional love for everyone in my family, so I'm not sure I buy that theory.
I'm just playing devil's advocate!
But is it really unconditional if it is only reserved for those who are 'worthy'? Meaning, what happens when they are no longer worthy?
I do not think romantic love is unconditional, at least not for me. There are conditions on our love, like e treat each other with respect, or don't neglect each other.
Unconditional love is for your blood family. They may disappoint you but you still love them.
I see a major difference between romantic love and love of your family.
I do not think romantic love is unconditional, at least not for me. There are conditions on our love, like e treat each other with respect, or don't neglect each other.
Unconditional love is for your blood family. They may disappoint you but you still love them.
I see a major difference between romantic love and love of your family.
Do you feel like familial love is more 'legitimate' than romantic love?
But is it really unconditional if it is only reserved for those who are 'worthy'? Meaning, what happens when they are no longer worthy?
I don't think the people who believe in unconditional love are thinking in terms of worthy or unworthy.
They are thinking that people are flawed from the beginning, to accept another is to accept them flaws and all.
That doesn't mean you agree with them or accept all of their behaviors It means you love them for who they are regardless of their flaws.
Love is a choice at the end of the day. Our belif system drastically affects how we view what love is as a result.
Last edited by rego00123; 02-09-2015 at 02:42 PM..
I think it's possible, but rare, and unhealthy. Unconditional. So you'd love and stay with them if they cheated, abused you, degraded you, etc?
Like some people who love one another, but break up because they weren't a good match, or one had serious issues they weren't getting corrected. You can love someone, and it never truly goes away, but know they aren't good for you. Love them from afar, and try to move on with a healthier life. So I could say UL because the feelings of love were there. The feelings didn't go away, but they had to because the partner had become toxic, and wasn't thinking of their health or feelings anymore.
That UL can be why some people stay in toxic relationships.
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After thinking it over, I will say UL is possible. But what is questioned is "Unconditional tolerance." You could leave a relationship, but still love someone.You may always have those romantic feelings for them, but have logic rule over emotion, and realized that staying in the relationship was bad for you-emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. So, you have the logic, and drive to leave a relationship that could be toxic, but still have feelings for the person.
So unconditional lovers may exist. But those same lovers may have limits as to what they will stick around and put up with. People who are unconditional lovers, and unconditionally tolerate anything, simultaneously, are the ones who have issues, because they stick in a bad situation that isn't getting better, and won't because due to their lack of limits, the other party is likely to continue as they are, and get worse because they know they can without risk and their SO is a doormat.
I know a girl like this. And the guy she's with shows her no respect at all, and his treatment got worse over the time she was with him because he never pushed past limits with her. She gets mad, curses him, complains, threatens to not sleep with him anymore, but that's all she does. There's tons of bark, but no bite,. He knows she can't stay away from him, so doesn't take her complaints seriously half the time. He'll just let her complain, than change the subject. Recently she complains he ignores her, and bluntly told her he does so because he hates listening to her complain. She's been his sex buddy for almost 2 years now, and her started off decent, but he treats her like a free hooker at this point
I don't think the people who believe in unconditional love are thinking in terms of worthy or unworthy.
They are thinking that people are flawed from the beginning, to accept another is to accept them flaws and all.
That doesn't mean you agree with them or accept all of their behaviors It means you love them for who they are regardless of their flaws.
Love is a choice at the end of the day. Our belif system drastically affects how we view what love is as a result.
Could you argue that, perhaps, familial love is not a choice?
Could you argue that, perhaps, familial love is not a choice?
For every good home there is a broken one.
For every loving mother there is a uncaring one
Again largely affected by our belif systems and surrounding as to what is and isn't acceptable behavioir and personal definition of what "love" entails
The only love I can really think of as truly unconditional is the love between an emotionally healthy parent and a newborn child. The reason I find it unconditional is because it is based primarily on a dynamic of helplessness and instinctual caretaking. It's based largely on need and meeting needs. There are no discernable interpersonal dynamics that come into play, yet. Nobody has committed any unforgiveable actions, yet.
There are certainly parents who do not love even their newborn babies unconditionally, but I would bet that an assessment would show that mental/emotional health is in question in such instances. When this happens, it is frequently attributable to depression, post partum and otherwise, and other mental health issues. Emotionally well people, in general, love their newborn babies unconditionally.
Other relationships, there are conditions attached to love. Even if those conditions are basic and simple.
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